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The soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ list (Part 2 of 6)

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The soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ List
Where the kinky knowledge resides!
Part 2 of 7

See reader questions & answers on this topic! - Help others by sharing your knowledge
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*The FAQs Themselves*

PART 1:
 1. What do B&D, S&M, D&S, "top", "bottom" mean?

 2. What is a "scene", and what is "negotiation"?

 3. What is a "safeword"?

 4. When is pain not pain?

 5. What are some basics of safe SM, emotionally and physically?
PART 2:
 6. Is everyone either a top or a bottom?  What's a "switch"?

 7. How can I learn to be a good top?

 8. How can I learn to be a good bottom?

 9. Is BDSM sexual?

10. Why is bondage fun?

11. Why is whipping fun?
PART 3:
12. What is body piercing? What is "C&B" play, or "genitorture"?

13. What is cutting/play piercing/burning/branding/electrical play? 
    What are "bloodsports"?

14. What is it about breath control? Is it safe to make someone pass 
    out?

15. What are "golden showers"? How about "scat"?

16. Is anal sex safe? Why do people do it?

17. What is "fisting"?
PART 4:
18. Does the way I play qualify as "real" SM? What is "real" SM, anyway?

19. What is it about leather/latex/high heels/corsets/other fetishes?

20. What about shaving body hair and/or crossdressing?

21. Why am I defending SM?

22. Is SM degrading or abusive? Were most SM people abused?
PART 5:
23. Why is SM taboo, and is SM criminal, unnatural, immoral, 
    unethical, or unhealthy?

24. Isn't the bottom always in control?

25. Can someone _really_ be someone else's slave?

26. What are the "codes"?

27. My fantasies scare me. What if I get too into SM?
PART 6:
28. I want to throw a play party; how do I go about it?

29. I want to attend a play party; what is the etiquette?

30. What's the deal with this anonymity stuff?

31. Are SM people being politically and socially harassed?

32. What topics are or aren't acceptable on s.s.b-b? (including, 
    what's s.s.b-b's charter?)

33. I'm sick of certain topics on s.s.b-b. How can I avoid them? Also, 
    what's with all these ads?


34. OK, so I can't post ads to s.s.b-b.  Where CAN I post them?

35. I don't have access to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm; what can I do 
    to get information about the scene?


=======================================================================
* 6. Is everyone either a top or a bottom?  What's a "switch"?*

One perception that some people can have, looking into the scene from
outside, is that people are either tops or bottoms. Either you like to
dominate, or you like to be dominated. And sometimes novices become
confused, because they're excited by _both_ possibilities.

The facts are, everyone is different, and everyone has their own
preferences. I personally greatly enjoy topping my girlfriend, and also
greatly enjoy submitting to her. Some people _are_ tops in every play
situation, just as some are bottoms in every play situation--but I know
people who top men but bottom to women, people who sometimes switch
roles multiple times within one date, and every other spectrum of
possibility!

People who top are called "tops", people who bottom are called
"bottoms", and people who switch back and forth between topping and
bottoming are called "switches".  A switch can be a top in one scene
and a bottom in another.  Some people switch back and forth often;
others switch only between scenes, but retain one role throughout any
individual scene; others switch only very seldom with people that they
trust very deeply; and still others never switch at all.

If you do switch, and you're not sure which role you want, you can play
with that question in itself.  Whole scenes can revolve around the
"who's on top?" question. Maybe you can have a wrestling match, and the
person who gets pinned first will wind up being tied up. Maybe you can
set a timer, and when the timer dings, it's time to switch positions!
There are as many possibilities as your imagination can dream of!

Then again, maybe only one side of the balance holds any appeal for you,
and in that case, you'll want to play with folks who have little desire
for _your_ side... it takes all kinds, and all kinds are out there.

It is also the case that there is no necessary relation between whether
someone is dominant or submissive in everyday life and whether they are
a top or a bottom. Some of the most domineering executives secretly love
being abased and abused... it's a chance for them to lose control, to
give up responsibility. And some of the most quiet, meek, shy-looking
people you've ever seen turn into demonic geniuses of pain and pleasure
when given someone to play with.

It's not at all unheard of for someone who's done only one thing (for
example, bottoming) to one day start feeling the urge to top, or vice
versa. People change, preferences change, it's nothing unusual. This,
though, leads into the next question....

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995
=======================================================================
* 7. How can I learn to be a good top?*

When first getting into the scene, it can often be somewhat intimidating
to try playing with SM, especially if neither of you have done it
before. Here's this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate them.
You tie them up, and they're helpless, wriggling with anticipation and
lust... and now what do you do?

Play with them! There are all kinds of common objects that produce
intense and enjoyable sensations when applied to a helpless lover.
Combs for dragging across the skin, feathers for tickling a frantic
foot, clothespins (use a couple or use many in artistic rows--these can
be as intense as you want to make them!), ice cubes, chocolate syrup,
strawberries (ever see 9 1/2 Weeks?), leather belts for slapping or
spanking, hairbrushes for scuffing or beating, and of course your own
fingers, mouth, genitals, and everything else. Enjoy taking your time
with your willing victim; drive them to distraction, then bring them to
the edge of ecstasy, then back off and make them beg for more!

Remember, you can set the mood as you wish. You can be playful, amused
at your own ineptitude even while your bottom is moaning with desire.
You can be stern and commanding, sympathetic but nasty, jolly yet
sadistic--anything you please. As long as you focus your attention on
your bottom, your bottom will have a great time! Relax, go with the
flow, and if you stop enjoying it, call safeword--tops can use
safewords too.

Of course, there's no need to feel like you need to put all your
attention into pleasing your bottom; what's a good slave for if not for
pleasing their master? I've several times played with my girlfriend and
used her for my own selfish pleasure, giving little attention to
hers--and she loved it! But there is no doubt that with pleasure it is
as good to give as to receive. Just remember, communicate, be sensitive
to what your bottom is feeling, and you'll have no problem.

The one thing that is quite important to remember as a top is that you
are responsible for your bottom. As you begin playing with SM, you may
well be placing your bottom in situations in which he or she is
physically helpless and/or emotionally vulnerable. It is important that
you recognize they are placing a great deal of trust in you, and in
your ability to handle any situations that may come up. If you're in
the middle of a hot scene, and suddenly someone unexpectedly bangs on
the door, you may both be startled and shocked--but your bottom will be
immediately looking to you for protection. If something happens that
you didn't expect, take care of your bottom _first_--reassure them that
you're not going to let anything happen to them, and then deal with the
problem calmly and sensitively.

And don't be limited by preconceptions of what you "ought" to be doing,
or worries about how you're not topping "correctly". If you start to
feel pressured or insecure, take a step back, and ask yourself what
_you_ want out of the scene. Sometimes, when I've been bottoming for my
girlfriend, she hasn't been in the mood to play with me sexually--so
she made me her slave and commanded me to... bathe her and wash her!
This was lots of relaxed fun for both of us, and it let her unwind
enough to keep playing the way _she_ wanted to play. Be honest, not
only with your bottom, but with yourself. And if you are in the middle
of a scene, and suddenly your honesty says "I don't want to be doing
this" or "I don't know what my partner wants, or even what I want,"
then by all means stop the scene--gracefully if possible. Better that
than for the scene to drag on until both of you are sick of it.

If you still don't have any ideas, and if your bottom is really hot to
trot, you can always start playing with your bottom and getting them
excited in whatever way you know how, and demand that they tell you a
fantasy of theirs, or you'll stop. Talking dirty to each other--trading
hot fantasies, knowing that you can make then happen if you want to--is
the best way I know of getting ideas for scenes. This actually goes for
ALL sexual play, whether it involves SM or not!

If you want detailed descriptions of positions, possible scenes, and so
forth, you would do well to find a copy of _Sensual Magic_ or _SM 101_.
See the resource list at the end of the third part of this FAQ (and
order some mail-order catalogs of SM books; lots of ideas!). Or, post
with your questions to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm, asking for any and
all suggestions.

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995
=======================================================================
* 8. How can I learn to be a good bottom?*

It can also be hard to learn to bottom, if what you're used to is
topping.  Giving up control, surrendering, can be a difficult thing,
when you're used to holding the reins in your hands.  If you find
yourself manipulating your top, trying to coerce them into giving you
what you want, then you're what is called a "pushy bottom"--a bottom who
is not really submitting, but just trying to turn the situation around
to the way they want it to go.

Some tops get off on bottoms who are defiant or subtly disobedient, and
use it as an excuse to punish; but for other tops, especially
inexperienced ones, it can be anything but fun.  Making your top feel
like they don't know what they're doing is no fun for either of you; I
know, I've been there, as the pushy bottom.  The solution?  The next
time you play, tell yourself that you are the top's property, that their
will is yours, and that your deepest desire is to please them. Before,
if they did something you didn't like, you might have suggested they try
it another way; now, they are doing exactly what they want to be doing,
and you are grateful they're doing it.  Let go of your urges to be in
control; surrender to them, and let them have their way with you.  I
guarantee you will have a lot more fun than when you were trying to top
from the bottom--I know I did!

If you are still not quite getting what you want, as a bottom, this
solution may not last very long; you will probably want to talk to your
top about what your needs and desires are, and about how you can both
have fun getting to them.  But the time to negotiate about what your
bottom fantasies are, and how you might want to manifest them, is not
necessarily while you're in the middle of a scene which you've
pre-negotiated.  Don't get into the "Oh, yes, Mistress, anything you
want--um, uh, Mistress, you're not quite doing it right!" trap.  (Can
you tell I speak from experience here?)

Relax, and respond.  Quite often a top will enjoy topping you because of
your reactions--the way you wriggle, and squirm, and cry out.  If you
clench every muscle and strive to endure without giving _any_ sign that
you're feeling anything, your top may get frustrated with the lack of
feedback.  Let yourself feel.  And don't hold your breath!  Or rather,
don't forget to breathe. (If, of course, you _negotiated_ a "stoic
endurance" scene, that's different.  But don't feel you _have_ to act
that way.  I like it when my bottoms struggle--they have a safeword
if they need it....)

Of course, nothing is cut-and-dried; just because you're on the bottom
doesn't mean you're a puppet.  But there is a big difference between
being open and communicative, and trying to force things in your
preferred direction.  A good bottom is one who is enthusiastic, devoted
to their top's pleasure, willing to surrender to their top's will, open
about their own desires (in a respectful manner, of course), and happy
to be bottoming.

There's a piece of common wisdom that's been around the scene for a long
time, which is: the best tops are those who started at the bottom.  I
believe it's true.  If you have been there, felt the bite of the whip,
struggled to get free as you were brought slowly and teasingly to
orgasm, tranced out as the sensation from the clothespins washed over
and through you... then you will be much better able to guide someone
else through that intensely magical space as a top, because you will
literally have been there.  Plus, starting as a bottom means you'll pick
up a lot of hands-on (if you will) experience!  (And as with any
generalized statement about SM, there are plenty of people whose mileage
varies; bottoms who've never topped and never want to, or tops who've
never gone under and are still damn good.  But even such tops often
experiment with sensations on themselves before trying them with their
bottoms.)

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995
=======================================================================
* 9. Is BDSM sexual?*

This is one of those troublingly general questions that simply begs for
a flame war.

There is no shortage of kinky people who get turned on by kinky
behavior. There is also no shortage of kinky people that don't.  And
then there are the kinky people who find some kinks sexy and others
not, no way, no how, are you kidding???  And then there are the kinky
people who find some kinks erotic in fantasy only, but who would never
like them in reality. Not to mention the kinky people who don't think
that other kinky people could possibly find some particular kinks
erotic, or not erotic. And then how much plain old sex gets blended
into the kinky behaviors--or what kinky behaviors people consider to be
sex in the first place--is another colossal variable.

So the answer is, yes, sometimes, for some people!

Next question?  :-)

Previous section Created 30 June 1998, last updated 30 June 1998
=======================================================================
*10. Why is bondage fun?*

Lots of reasons. For many people, the knowledge that they are helpless,
that someone else can do things with their body and they can't prevent
them, is a powerful turn-on. "I'm going to make you come and there's
nothing you can do about it." It's a very strong statement of trust to
let someone bind you helplessly, or even non-helplessly. How erotic, to
feel yourself spread open, wanton and wet, and to see your lover
kneeling between your legs, ready to use you for their pleasure--or to
pleasure you unendurably....

For others, the simple sensation of bondage feels good. Tight
constriction can create very intense stimulation, and lots of tight
bondage can be a sensory trip, just as a whipping scene can be. Bondage
can feel comforting, pleasantly confining; you don't need to worry
about anything, since what can you do? You're all tied up, and all
that's left is to enjoy.

For yet others, it's a charge to struggle, to let your body lose
control. It can really intensify an orgasm when you come with every
muscle straining against your bonds, trying to get your hands free to
smash your lover's face into your crotch, your body shaking. If you
weren't tied down you'd hurt yourself!

For me, it's all three of these reasons :-)

An especially intense form of bondage is verbal bondage: putting your
bottom in some position (spread-eagled, kneeling, whatever) and
commanding them not to move... and then tormenting them! One kinky
variation on this is as follows: have your bottom hold their hands out
in front of them, fingers splayed, each fingertip touching the opposite
fingertip. Put a penny between each pair of fingertips so they're
holding five pennies. Now order them not to let a single one drop, on
pain of some punishment or other, and then go to work! This works best
on a hard floor so you can hear the coin drop.

There are a bunch of common-sense things to know about if you want to
get into bondage. Most of these are pretty obvious, but they're stated
here because that's what a FAQ's for! The basic idea, though, is to
experiment. The first few times you won't really know what you're
doing, and that's fine! Take your time trying different positions,
different kinds of rope, whatever. And if you've got a new idea that
you want to try out before your big date... well, why not try it on
yourself? If you can get into a position comfortably, you can probably
make your bottom comfortable in that position!

Make sure your bottom's extremities don't start getting cold or turning
blue; those are both sure signs that blood isn't flowing the way it
ought to, and that isn't what you want to have happen. If your bottom's
hands are bound inside mittens or some other place that's not
accessible to you, ask them to wiggle their fingers or toes or whatever
and see if they're losing any feeling. It can be tricky to tie someone
up without making it too tight; in general, a good rule is to tie
loosely with lots of turns of rope. You can tighten such a tie with
just another turn around all the rest, and it can be a real drag to
have a bottom's foot fall asleep in the middle of a scene; this kind of
thing can feel very annoying and distracting, and can make it hard for
your bottom to concentrate on what you are making them feel.

Silk scarves, bandannas, etc. also have this problem with tightening
under tension; sometimes they get so tight they have to be cut off. If
you're a novice, you may want to avoid these hassles by purchasing a
pair of basic ankle and wrist cuffs (in leather, velcro, or whatever)
at an adult toy store; and if you get embarrassed, remember the old
standby excuse: "It's a gag wedding gift!"

Handcuffs are sexy, but they can also be a pain. Shoddy cuffs (the kind
you buy at the sporting goods store) are liable to break while being
worn--then you have to file them off. If you want to play with
handcuffs, get a good quality pair; the usual brand is Peerless, and
they'll cost about $30, with a double lock so you can snap them on and
then lock them so they won't get tighter under pressure (as cheap cuffs
will). Handcuffs are also bare metal, and aren't good to struggle
against, as they can easily pinch nerves... padded, buckling bondage
cuffs are better for those sorts of games.

Do not leave a bound person alone. Though it is a hot fantasy to tie
someone up in some precarious position (possibly with vibrators or other
devices buzzing away) and leave them to stew, in reality you must
consider: what if the house is burgled? catches on fire? earthquake?
any sort of emergency? Fun is fun, but a helpless person is just that:
helpless. A willing partner is too precious to take risks with.

Be very careful about tying anything around the neck; anything that puts
any pressure AT ALL on the front of the neck can lead to unconsciousness
quickly, as the carotid arteries go right to the brain. Likewise be
careful with gags or things tied in the mouth; as well as restricting
breathing, they can trigger a gag reflex, which could be really nasty
if the bottom can't get the gag out. See another question on safewords
for use while gagged.

Also, be aware that if someone is standing for any length of time in any
sort of tight bondage, it can lead to less circulation to their head; if
you suddenly do something intense to that person, it may trigger a
headrush which could easily result in a faint. Always use hooks which
can be released instantly even with the bottom's full weight on them
(these are sometimes called "panic snaps" and can be found in good
hardware stores), and keep a pair of bandage scissors handy in case
ropes or straps need to be cut loose.

Be careful what you tie your bottom to; if an exposed water pipe is
handy, be aware it may heat up. Likewise with candles; be careful when
you're waving flame around someone who's bound, as they can't flinch the
way unbound people can.

If you don't have anything handy to tie someone to, you can always tie
their wrists behind their back and then to their waist. Or if your bed
doesn't have any posts, you can wrap ropes around the legs of the bed
and spread-eagle your bottom that way. In general, there are a million
ways to tie someone up, and a little practice--on your bottom or on
yourself!--will let you improvise in almost any situation.

Below I list a few sorts of common bondage devices mentioned here in
stories and postings. If you read a term here which you don't
understand, write me and I'll add a description.

Mummification or Cocooning: About the most complete form of bondage is
to wrap someone up so they are completely immobile. The most popular way
to mummify someone is with plastic wrap. A common technique is to wrap
each limb separately, then wrap the arms to the sides, and then wrap the
legs together--and then help the bottom lie down on an adjacent soft
surface. You can then cut holes (carefully!) to access any especially
sensitive areas, or wrap duct tape over it all for extra security, or
add gags, blindfolds, etc. One way the body releases heat is by
sweating, and while mummified you can't sweat too much, so make sure
your bottom doesn't overheat--and have a blanket ready to cover them
with when you cut them out of their cocoon, using the bandage scissors
(obtainable from medical supply stores--one flat blade makes cutting
easier) which you of course have ready to hand. And as always, monitor
your bottom very carefully; they are helpless, and your neglect or
inattention could spell disaster.

Hoods: Many leather stores and artisans make bondage hoods. These are
typically constricted of leather or rubber. Some have simple zippers,
and you zip them up to secure them. Others have laces on the back and/
or the sides, to enable the hood to be laced more tightly, for greater
bondage effect. Some hoods have eye holes, some don't. Some hoods have
mouth holes, some don't. Some deluxe hoods have built-in earmuffs or
even space for earphones, for sensory deprivation. Almost all hoods
have nose holes, for obvious reasons. Hoods can restrict a bottom's
breathing quite seriously, and tops must remain continually aware of
their bottom's condition while their bottom is wearing a
hood--especially if the hood is combined with any form of gag. Do not
leave a hooded bottom alone; breathing difficulty can come on quickly.
Some people believe that any hood without a zipper or other
extra-quick-release mechanism is too dangerous to use on a bottom. In
any case, you should have some bandage scissors at the ready if the
hood needs to be removed in a big hurry.

Bodybags: If you like being bound, the ultimate extreme is bondage which
encompasses your entire body, leaving you with no motion whatever.
Bondage bodybags (or "sleepsacks") resemble a well-tailored, snug
sleeping bag, often made out of leather or spandex. Spandex bodybags
are the least expensive, and if made from heavy enough spandex can be
very restrictive indeed. Often bodybags have an opening at the upper
end, through which you slide your feet, pulling the bag up to your
neck. Many have other openings for genitals or nipples, so your botttom
can be pleasured or tortured while immobile. Leather bodybags can be
arbitrarily complex (and expensive); some have built-in internal arm
sleeves to further minimize motion, or suspension straps so the bag,
bottom and all, can be lifted into the air. Some have laces around the
outside so the bag can be cinched to a downright painful tightness. If
you REALLY have money to burn, you can even get inflatable rubber
bodybags--get in it and pump it up, and float away! Caveats about
breathing and quick-release apply here as well.

Hobble skirts: Fetish clothing is often designed not just to look good
and feel good, but to act almost as bondage in its own right. Hobble
skirts are a perfect example: they are simply skirts which fit very
snugly from waist down to ankles. Often the wearer can take steps of
only a few inches while wearing the skirt (thus the term "hobble
skirt"). When combined with a pair of high heels, these skirts can be
almost totally immobilizing, even without any other bondage. Leather or
rubber are (again) the typical materials, though some dedicated tailors
make their own from velvet or satin or other sensuous materials.

Armbinders: Restraints, typically leather, that bind both arms behind
the back. Some resemble large gloves that pull up over both arms and
buckle around the shoulders. Others are straps that go down the middle
of the back and have attached wrist cuffs. In general, there are lots
of kinds of bondage gear, and you can even invent your own....

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995
=======================================================================
*11. Why is whipping fun?*

One way of thinking about whipping is as another way of touching
someone. People who are just getting into SM frequently play with
spanking; it's fun to be spanked! It's a punishment, it's a strong
stimulus, it hurts very pleasurably. But if you've ever spanked anyone
for a long time you know that your spanking hand wears out quickly!

Well, that's what whips are for--to allow you to hit someone for a
longer time, without tiring out. There are many varieties of whips
(cat-o-nine tails, heavy floggers, canes, light braided switches, suede
pussy whips, and on and on), all of which feel very different and which
have their own individual effect. A whip-loving top will often carry a
veritable arsenal of different floggers, but they are all extensions of
the top's touch. Indeed, when I whip or cane someone, I feel as though
I _am_ touching them--as though the instrument is an extension of my
arm and my desire.

There are deeper reasons why the variety is so diverse. A whipping scene
will often start off very lightly, with the top using a small whip to
sensitize the bottom and get them into the rhythm of the scene,
switching to heavier and heavier whips as the bottom gets deeper and
deeper, more and more receptive to additional sensation. Of course, the
top may choose to lead the bottom on any kind of tactile journey the
top desires--switching from stinging light switches to biting canes to
soft fleeces. (Yes, it can feel GREAT when your top stops hitting you
and suddenly brushes a velvet cloth against your back! Or maybe an ice
cube....) It's all about physical sensation.

Quite often people in the scene describe whips as being "thuddy" or
"stingy". Thuddy whips land with a solid impact; they shove you, they
feel like a cross between a hug and a punch. Stingy whips land with a
bite; they feel like a cross between a scratch and a slap. Both kinds
of sensation are enjoyable in different ways, and a skilled top can
alternate thud and sting (and then some!) to create waves of sensation
that wash their bottom into ecstasy.

Most people enjoy a slow buildup when being whipped. This can culminate
in an explosive climax of impacts, leaving both top and bottom drained
and delighted. Or it can wind down gently, ending casually. Or it can
stop feeling good suddenly, resulting in a safweord. Or it can turn
into a galloping intense sex scene! But the general "start slow, build
up, end intensely" tempo is common to many SM scenes: from gentle to
stronger to WOW and then back to gentle, then a little stronger, then
WOW!!... and gentle again. It's the motion of the ocean, as they say.
It takes practice to know how to use this to blow your bottom's mind,
but the more you learn, the more skilled you will be, and believe me,
these skills-- teasing your partner and making them feel better and
better and BETTER --are very useful in non-SM contexts as well!

Whips aren't the end of the story. Some people use paddles--of leather
or wood, sometimes with holes cut in them to decrease air resistance and
make for a harder impact. Paddles produce a solid "smack!" which can
feel like a super-powerful spanking. Some players like canes, which can
be thick or thin, stiff or relatively flexible. Canes can produce some
of the strongest impacts of all--the "whick!" of a quick-moving cane is
distinctive. Not everyone can handle the intensely focused pain canes
can produce, but those who can tend to greatly enjoy it. Wooden spoons
and kitchen spatulas have been pressed into service as instruments of
flagellation. For a while, Nerf bats were very popular in some San
Francisco parties I went to. (Bonk!) If none of this makes any sense to
you, well, if you have to ask, you might not understand.

Whipping or spanking is sometimes used as part of a "punishment" scene,
in which the pretext for the scene is that the bottom has been
disobedient or naughty in some way which requires chastisement. This
can be fun to do as role-playing, but it may not work in a more
long-term D&S dynamic. Bottoms often find it erotic to receive
non-damaging sensation from their top--and of course any scene causing
permanent damage is not safe nor sane. If your bottom learns that the
best way to get enjoyably beaten is to misbehave, you will have a very
bad bottom on your hands. It is often then best to separate "play"
punishments--which are intended to be fun-- from "real" punishments
involving seriously broken agreements. Here is where reality and
fantasy need to be delicately separated, and here is where the real
world differs from S&M fiction.

When whipping someone, be careful. Heavy whipping is usually done on the
back or ass, simply because those are the parts of the body which can
take it most readily. Be careful of hitting the spine, which can break
the skin where the vertebrae come close to the surface. Stay away from
the kidneys, as kidney damage can occur if you hit them too hard. Stay
away from the neck, for the same reasons you avoided the spine.

Be aware that if you hit someone hard enough (which may be lighter than
you'd think) you will bruise them, and if you keep going you can break
the skin, which is decidedly unsafe sex; and leather or string whips are
tough to clean. For this reason, some dedicated masochists have their
own toys which have come in contact with their blood, and henceforth
can be used only on them. Whippings like this are very strenuous, but
as with all SM, you can start out light and get only as heavy as you
want! Bruises will heal (even large ones), as will light cuts or
abrasions, but you should know how to avoid unintended damage that
won't be so accommodating.

One thing to watch for (a distant risk, but worth knowing): melanoma, a
form of skin cancer, can be worsened by skin trauma. If you see a mole
on your bottom's back that looks uneven, discolored, or different than
it used to, avoid that area, and have them see a dermatologist.

There have been posts on s.s.b-b that go into MUCH more detail about the
hows and whys of flogging. If you want to know more, post to s.s.b-b and
ask, or check out the resources. (This FAQ is not intended to be
comprehensive in every area... though it would be nice....)

Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995
=======================================================================
Thanks for reading!
Hope you learned something! Remember, your sexuality is wonderful;
treasure it and nourish it!

Created 10 August 1995, last updated 2 15 Dec 1999, and copyright
{http://www.unrealities.com/adult/copyrite.htm} by Johnson Grey
{johnson_grey@unrealities.com}.

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