Nobody has a trademark on How It's Done, if that's what you mean.
     The best anyone can do is tell how it works for them, and as with
     most other things, YMMV. (That means "Your Mileage May Vary.")

     Some people have "rules of thumb".


     Joe and Kat:

	 "Your needs come first.
	  We'll talk about everything.
	  What they said."


     Elise:

	 "Since a certain 'learning experience' I have felt strongly
	 that I should never allow my relationship with a new person
	 to be a tool used to avoid dealing with a 'broken' other
	 relationship.  In fact, one of the things I am most careful
	 about is 'emotional spillover'; I have a policy of not
	 spending intense time with otherloves when there is something
	 out of balance with one love.  Naturally this tends to speed
	 up the opening of negotiations about the difficulty. ;-) I
	 think it's unfair to my loves to use the time I spend with
	 them as a palliative when there's trouble elsewhere; it keeps
	 me from doing the work I need to do, the work I agreed to do
	 when I took on the reality of the relationship."

     If you want rules of thumb, you get to make them up yourself. No
     warranty expressed or implied, and keep checking the instrument
     panel throughout your flight.

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