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alt.romance "FAQ" (part 2 of 3) [posted monthly]
Section - #9# Dating

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 From: PAISLEY@auvm.american.edu  @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`---
 subject: Dating skills for women

[...]
Again, I'm not working from any kind of list, but here's my input
from a guy's point of view--these are the things I would like to
expect from a date:

1.  Appreciate your date.  Remember that he asked you out because he likes
you, and wants to get to know you better.  And you probably think roughly
the same of him or you wouldn't have agreed to go out with him.  Keep this
in mind.

2.  Since one of the reasons he asked you out was to get to know you better,
LET HIM.  The most frustrating date I ever had was when, after the date, I
didn't know any more about the girl or how she felt about me.  On a date,
let some of yourself out.  You don't have to tell him your life story, but
some insight into who you are would really be nice.

3.  Remember his feelings.  Hopefully, he has given some thought to make the
date something you will enjoy, but if he hasn't, don't let that ruin things
automatically.  First of all, he may just be uncreative. Or, you might just
find out that it wasn't as bad as you originally thought.

4.  Be understanding.  Chances are, he is just as nervous as you are, and so
he may say or do some really stupid things.  Try to be patient, unless he
REALLY screws up.

5.  All the ideas about making your date feel special still apply.  Look
at him when you talk, listen to what he says, make him feel like he really
matters to you.

6.  Remember your manners.  Again, this sounds really silly, but little things
like saying thank-you for dinner mean a lot.  Well, it's not so much that
they mean a lot, but THEIR OMISSION means a hell of a lot, and in a bad way.
There is not much worse that to take all the time, money and effort to take
someone out and not even get a thank-you out of it.  It's so little and it can
mean so much.

Well, that's all I can think of right now, just try to remember these, along
with basic common sense, and above all else, ENJOY YOURSELF!!!!


 From: userisra@mts.ucs.ualberta.ca (Mark Israel)  @}-,-`-- @}-,-`--- @}-,-`---
 subject: Dating skills for women

1.  Be on time.  Unpunctuality is a fault with *no* redeeming features.
    (However, if your date is late, don't let it spoil the evening --
    remain pleasant!)

2.  Wear something that makes you feel pretty -- an outfit that's proved
    itself, with comfortable shoes.

3.  Tell yourself you're not nervous, just excited.

4.  Read a newspaper or watch a news program that day so you'll have
    something to talk about and sound as if you know what's happening in
    the world.

5.  If you can begin with the exchange of warm relaxed smiles, you have
    a lot going for you.

6.  Be open -- to him, his plans, and the shape the evening takes.

7.  Use every opportunity to be observant, sensitive, perceptive, and
    appreciative of what your date does or may have done.

8.  If something embarrassing happens, "confess" so that you can both
    laugh over it.

9.  If you're having a good time, let him know it.

10. Call him because you've just heard something that he'd love to know
    about, a joke on a favourite subject, or a piece of news relating to
    one of his heroes.  He will feel that you two are really on the same
    beam, and it will encourage him to think of you when *he* has news
    he wants to share with someone.

11. Be busy.  Projects of your own make for much more interesting
    discussion than last night's TV program.

12. Caring about each other more than petty victories is the essence of
    positive loving.  Equality is not measured by a single act.


 From: jed189@ecs.soton.ac.uk (JE Dixon)  @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`--- @}-,-`---
 subject: Dating skills for men

1) Don't lie. Never lie. NEVER. Its OK for one night. You lie thru
your teeth to be interesting. Great ! You get the second date. Now you
have to be consistent with all the lies you told on your first date.
Tricky. Five dates later you have to revise for two days before each
date.

2) Don't pretend to be someone you're not. Your date might like this
other person. She'll call this other person, she'll come to see this
other person, she might even sleep with this other person. But when
she says F*** YOU, she'll be saying it to you not the other person.

3) Never surprise your date with a movie, meal etc on the first date.
Not until you've got some vague idea of her likes and dislikes.
Putting a poor unsuspecting girl thru 'Meatslayer And The Wartoids
From The Planet SoftPorn' is not a good idea.

4) A sense of humour (refined if possible) is your best ally. Women
like someone that makes them laugh.

5) Clean nails. VITAL.

6) Don't lie to anyone else about the date and what happened. It
always goes horribly wrong.

ADVANCED TIPS:

7) Never take your pants off before your socks.

8) Roll over, go to sleep. WRONG. Cuddle, kiss, roll over, go to
sleep. RIGHT.

Practice makes slightly better, but never perfect.
You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince(ss).

Good Luck!


 From: mars@eddie.mit.edu (Anita Hsiung)  @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`--- @}-,-`---
 subject: First dates

>Do other people have a great deal of trouble with first dates, or is
>it just me?  I seem to have problems getting some sort of spark going
>over dinner, even though the conversation is usually pretty good.

I usually have fantastic first dates.  (After that, they become
normal.)  First of all, by definition, first dates are when you are
excited, interested in getting to know the other person, your hormones
are working overtime, your adrenalin is pumping.  It's almost, but not
quite, like opening night of your show, but that's another matter.

Anyway, first dates, I "test" my date on body language (I love reading
on that stuff and trying things out on people), you know, how you
"divide" the table up, is the other person as nervous as you are, what
kind of impression are you giving, all in good fun, of course!
There's always lots to talk about, after all, you don't really know
anything about the other person.  What do they do?  Personal hobbies?
Do they sing in their car?  Anything's fair game!

>What do you think is a good first date activity?  Maybe at dinner
>there's too much pressure on intelligent conversation, and there
>should be more of an emphasis on distraction?

Dinner is great!  There is nothing like face-to-face to gauge a
potential SO.  After all, you may be spending a lot of time talking to
this person, and you want to know how you react to each other.  You
already know how people react at movies or fairs or other impersonal
stuff like that.  But, pressure.  I hate it, but I thrive on it!

>While I'm at it, how do people tend to meet their dates?

Well, when you're out of school, it's work, clients (make sure he/she
isn't in charge of your contract!), things you do after work (theatre,
volunteer work), NetNews, old high school chums' parties.

	-- Anita --

 From: mars@eddie.mit.edu (Anita Hsiung)  @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`--- @}-,-`---
 subject: First dates

angelok@misg.csd.harris.com (Angelo the Postmaster ) writes:
>	As far as body language goes... are you looking for an "OUCH"
>	or a "AHH" when you pinch him?  *smile*

Actually, to tell the truth, SHOULDERS.  Y'know, when you're walking
along and you're not at the hand-holding stage, you kind of bump
shoulders and see how he reacts.  Or if you're sitting down together
at a comedy club or a movie, again, you touch shoulders.  There's a
whole world of language with them body parts!  You can do a touch-n-go
with the shoulder, a longer caress, a friendly contact when he's
explaining a joke that went over your head, almost snuggling into his
shoulder when you lean over to ask him a question...

	-- Anita --


 From: chrisc@pro-nbs.acme.fred.org (Chris Carstens)  @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-
 subject: First Date Ideas (summary of replies to a survey)

[...]     This is 1992.  What is a fun thing to do on a first date?  Is it
still dinner and a movie, or are there other things that work well?
[...]

In the fitness spirit...anything outdoors is good.  Taking a walk, or
cycling.  You can get to know someone without having to focus 100% on them.
Sometimes the complete focus is uncomfortable.

-- Teresa


Okay, here's a few:

Bowling. Asked her outta the blue. Little did I know she was a SERIOUS
bowler, and really beat me bad. I work with her, so asking her wasn't a
problem. Patching up my male ego afterwards was, however..  :)

Horseback Riding. Happens I asked her out for a movie. She has horses,
wanted to go riding instead. I hadn't ridden in years, so we took it easy.
Then, my horse acted up, and threw me...being injury prone, I should have
expected it! The sympathy was nice, though I could have done without the
pain..:)..we are still going out regularly, riding in addition to more
"Traditional" dates, like movies. I guess a "memorable date" like this
one tends to help cement a relationship...it has been several months now.

Dancing in Strange Places. I was eating dinner alone a few years back, it
was late and I was the only person in my end of the restaurant. My waitress
was very nice, very pretty, very funny. Since I was her only customer, we
talked a lot through the course of the evening. The everplaying tape they
use in restaurants had another song come on, and I asked her to dance.
She blushed prettily, we danced for a short time. I hung around until she
got off work (I ate more that night than I have in my life, just so I
didn't have to leave) and we went driving around. Dated her for over a
year.

Redneck!    The Official Lumberjack
and Woodgatherer of the RFA


My vote goes for lighting up the barbeque, doing up a rack of ribs and sitting
on the porch playing guitar after the sun sets.  But that's just me - I'm
looking for the woman who wants to do the same!

     - Pat


Well, I'm a college student and Ice Skating seems to be a pretty big
option, next to dinner and a movie.

Erich


I find miniature golf tobe a great first date, and evening at the symphony
& dinner to be good, an afternoon at Kennywood or the conservancy also
works well.

John


What are fun things to do on a first date? Well, it seems to
me that the key ingredients are 1) Something enjoyable (fun
as you say) for both people, and 2) Something where both people
will have the largest possible chance to talk and get to know
each other.

Exactly what is best depends, I think, on the circumstances
* How the people met, and
* What their interests are

I also think the word 'date' has to be thought about very carefully.
Does it refer to *any* occasion where two people decide to do something
together, or does it have the stronger connotation of a get-together
in circumstances of 'courting' or 'actively looking for an so' (for one
or both people).

Some specific points in answer to your question:

1) Dinner and a movie still works well, but it works a lot better
   if you know the other person beforehand (i.e. s/he is a casual
   acquaintance, co-worker, person you met in a group activity etc.).
   If you are on a blind or near-blind first date, I have found dinner
   alone to be best -- you can sit and talk and then perhaps decide
   what to do on the second date.

   One big risk with movies is compatibility of interests. I will
   go to just about anything that gets a reasonable critical review,
   but I have too-often found that women I have dated have had a much
   narrower tolerance. A first date movie where there is a lot of violence
   or sexual explicitness can make things uneasy.

2) Looking back the only things I have done on *first* dates were
   * Simply dropping by to have some tea (I think this counts as a date -
     we stayed and chatted for hours)
   * Meeting at a cafe & nothing more (once)
   * Dinner only (several times)
   * Dinner & movie & talking afterwards in the car or at her place
     (several times)
   * Dinner followed by a play (several times)
   * Going skiiing, followed by a mid-afternoon lunch (once)
   * Going to a formal *do* (once)
   * Going to help out at a soup kitchen! (once)

3) Some of the funnest dates (non-first) I have been on were:
   * Going to an exhibition, then going out to eat, then going
     to my place to watch some TV, then doing more talking. The
     key here was that we were able to communicate all the time
     (discussing the exhibit, second-guessing what was happening
     on TV). At a movie you can enjoy yourself, but you can
     enjoy yourself just as well alone.
   * Driving to an area of natural beauty, stopping off along the
     way to check out the goings on in several small towns.
     Stopping at a cafe on the way back and exploring some
     backroads.

  I think that activities like these could have been used as first
  dates too).

- Tim
--

my first date with my wife: we went to hear a couple of reggae bands.
we both enjoyed it. i knew the next day that I was going to marry her.
that was five years ago next month, so it may not apply to 92. also,
we were late 20s. can't get any better than that!

 -- clint


1. Race cars at Malibu Grand Prix.
2. Shooting range.
3. Video arcade.
4. Cooking dinner together.
5. Going to a "coffee house".

Then there is the "California version".

1. Tatoos.
2. Piercings.
3. Activist rally.

Tee hee. Only kidding!

rf

a racquetball game!!! people (specially women) these days are a little
apprehensive about dinner and movie on a first date. doing something in
the gym, one can be himself/herself and not have to pretend to be
someone else. i've met a lot of women this way. if the game is fun, i
usually invite her to a soda afterwards or if i really like her i
squeeze fresh oranges for her.

bip

One of the first things my current SO and did after having a lunch or two
is go to a boat show during a Sunday afternoon.  It was really fun and
there was no preassure.  We spent almost the whole day together at the boat
show and walking downtown.

barry

I always like the walk by a lake or river approach.  Simple, romantic,
non-threatining.  the movie/dinner idea still works but here (York, PA)
dinner is 10-15 (for fast food) 25+ for real food and a movie runs
5.50 each plus the popcorn ($4), and soda ($3)

hope this helps..
Jamie

You might think I am a little young to offer advice(21) but I have some
ideas. I thinking dinner is part of a good first date but what happens
after that is up to the people.  I have gone dancing which is my absolute
favorite because it gives you a chance to get to know the person.  I have
also gone to a musical,   minature golfing, go carting, walks, going
somewhere and cuddling and, of course seeing a movie. I hope I have given
you some good responses.

mike

    Picnics, on a beach or in a park ( preferably near the water ), are
always fun.  Skiing is also an idea.

				Dan "Fish" McMillen

My wife and I went out to eat after church for our first date.  Later
that day we went to a Christian rock concert (Greg X. Volz) with mutual
friends.  We had a REALLY enjoyable time.  It was very relaxed, with no
pressure what so ever.  We both think that the first few dates are more
enjoyable and relaxed when you are with mutual friends.

				Andy & Deb

A picnic is still one of the best first (or subsequent) dates.
You look at each other and talk in a very non-threatening en-
vironment, there's lots to observe, no distractions unless you
want them to be distracting, no pressure on either for decisions
or actions they're not ready for or don't want at all with the
other person.  Even ants can't ruin a good picnic.

BDW

I met my boyfriend through the personals.  I placed an "ad" on alt.personals
in the newsgroups and he responded.  About 250 guys responded to that one
ad. Steve, my boyfriend, and I talked constantly on the computer..than he
flew down to see me.  He lives in Illinois and I live in North Carolina.
Since then, we have seen each other as much as possible, he has applied to
transfer schools to be with me, and we are always on the computer with each
other as much as possible.  Also the phone when we can afford it.  If he
gets accepted to attend school with me, we have tentively made plans to get
married this summer.

Lisa

That's one thing that really bothers me.  These days, date seems to be a
four-letter word (meaning foul).  There are too many hopes IMHO pinned on
going out with someone.  A first date is just a meeting...expectations of
happily ever after don't belong.

Teresa

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