As posted in alt.humor.best-of-usenet...

From: rick@eaglet.rain.com (Rick Lindsley)
Newsgroups: pdx.singles
Subject: Where the women are (was Final Post Ever!!!!!!)

Chris A Hough <Chris_A_Hough@ccm2.hf.intel.com> writes:

    I have posted to this newsgroup several times, all with the same
    result.... NOTHING! :(

    Either there are no women reading posts on this group, or I am doing
    something wrong....

The women are out there (I've corresponded with and actually met several),
but they are waiting to see who makes the most idiotic or pathetic
posting. They communicate using that secret woman telepathy that draws all
women to a single restroom at the same time, somehow relays, across many
city blocks, a description of the man that just hit on them in an obnoxious
way so that all women in the area are warned, and, perplexedly, causes two
women to unconsciously wear the same style dress to a New Year's Eve party.

They will eventually issue scores, which will not be published, based on
idiocy, patheticism, and originality in creating new words. Using these,
they will select one male for extensive study, and return to their planet
for three years. The first person to notice this will be a husband or SO
somewhere who notes the laundry has not been done for several weeks and
begins to investigate. Watch for that posting. Sadly, some men will never
notice at all.

So far as I can see, Chris, your posting is neither pathetic nor idiotic,
so hey, get with the program! :)

Oh, and there's far fewer women than men out here in cyberspace.  Patience
is a virtue. And besides, a patient human just really totally confounds and
annoys a cat. Trust me.

Rick