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Top Document: soc.culture.jewish FAQ: Jewish Childrearing Related Questions (12/12) Previous Document: Question 21.2.6: Naming: What are the Sephardi customs regarding the naming of children? Next Document: Question 21.2.8: Naming: Are there any distinctly non-Jewish names? See reader questions & answers on this topic! - Help others by sharing your knowledge
Answer:
* Orthodoxy: Traditional Jewish law is that if a child dies before
reaching the age of 30 days, no formal burial is required. Such a
child is considered a nefel, and for such a child, no burial and
no mourning rites are required (Ket. 20b; Shab. 135b; Evel Rabati
I; etc.) The Shulhan Arukah addresses whether a eulogy is
permitted; it says for the children of the poor, it may be done
from the age of five and onward; and for the children of the rich,
from six and onward (M.K. 24b; Shulhan Arukh 344.4). This shows
that, traditionally, little was made of infant deaths. Further, a
nefel was treated as an amputated limb, and buried in the general
section of the cemetary (Ket. 20b) to avoid ritual uncleanliness
for the priests (M. Edut 6.3; Yad Hil. Tumat Hamet 2.3; Pahad
Yitzhaq, Ever). Note that, strictly speaking, it was not necessary
to bury amputated limbs (Shulhan Arukh, Yoreh Deah #209).
It's very easy to think of the traditional position as
"heartless." When you've lost a baby and need to grieve, it's
natural that you'd want to do it in the way you're familiar with.
Orthodox families in this situation are usually forced to look for
alternative ways of coming to terms with their grief, since in
most cases, the traditional funeral and mourning periods are not
observed. This doesn't mean that nothing has happened, or that as
far as Judaism is concerned, they have not experienced a loss.
They still need consolation and any compassionate Orthodox rabbi
and community will recognize this and do their utmost to help the
family through their time of pain.
* Conservative: Four papers have been validated by the Conservative
movement's Commitee on Jewish law and Standards on this issue.
Conservative Judaism affirms that where Jewish law allows for more
than one possible position, a congregation should follow the
ruling of its rabbi, who as mara d'atra [halakhic authority] has
the sole responsibility and authority in his/her community for
making a p'sak [ruling/decision]. The significant teshuvot are
summarized below:
1. Rabbi Isidoro Aizenberg, 1987. (a) When a full-grown,
full-term baby dies within 30 days after birth, there is
aniut, keriah, burial, shivah and shiloshim; no eulogy is
delivered and the burial is peformed by the immediate family
members. If the parents wish, they may recite the kaddish for
30 days. (b) If the baby was born prematurely, the above
customs should be practiced only if it died more than 30 days
after its birth. (c) If the baby was born prematurely and
died before 30 days are over, the baby should be treated as a
fetus. There is burial, but no other rituals are practiced.
In all 3 cases, should parents ask the rabbi if they may
recite the kaddish, their request should not be denied. This
teshuva can obtained from the CJLS by one's local
Conservative rabbi. (II)
2. Rabbi Debra Reed Blank - teshuva on miscarriage. She agrees
with the first teshuva for the case of a full-term baby dying
within 30 days after birth. For cases when the fetus was not
born alive, full mourning rites are not called for or
appropriate, for that would compromise the position of
classical Judaism on the legitimacy of abortion in some
circumstances. However, in event of a miscarriage the
community should tend to both members of the couple under the
rubric of bikur holim (visiting the sick), for they are
suffering from the loss of the child that they were expecting
to have. The couple may recite the kaddish if they choose.
This teshuva can obtained from the CJLS by one's local
Conservative rabbi.
3. Rabbi Stephanie Dickstein, 1999. In an extension and revision
of her 1992 paper, she also agrees with the first teshuva for
the case of a full-term baby dying within 30 days after
birth. For cases when the fetus was not born alive, she holds
that burial in a Jewish cemetery is required for stillbirths,
and she recommends a funeral service. The stillborn may be
named and circumcision can, but need not, be done. The grave
should be marked later. After the first day, the parents may
observe the practices associated with shiva b'tzniut (private
observances which do not involve the community). This teshuva
is online at
[5]http://learn.jtsa.edu/topics/diduknow/responsa/hatesh_conf
ront.shtml
Additionally, Conservative/Liberal Jewish responses to these
situations can be found in Nina Beth Cardin's "Tears of Sorrow,
Seeds of Hope: A Jewish Spiritual Companion for Infertility and
Pregnancy Loss" (Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights, 1999).
* Reform: Reform believes that times have changed from the days of
the large family and common infant deaths of tradition. This has
made all events in a child's life more significant and magnified.
Thsi includes the tragic death of a yong child, a still-birth, or
a miscarriage. A responsa issued in 1983 (Contemporary American
Reform Responsa #106) suggests that there be a simple burial for a
still-born infant or a child who dies at an early age. This
provides a way for the family to overcome its grief. It indicates
that a miscarriage may, however, be disposed of by the hospital or
clinic in accordance with its usual procedures. Not burial is
necessary in such a case, but it is not prohibited either. They do
suggest burial for infants, and possibly for still-births.
Personal autonomy allows laypeople and rabbis to observe or not
observe as they see fit.
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