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My son died of SIDS in April, i laid him on his back and did...

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Question by Stormy
Submitted on 7/15/2003
Related FAQ: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) misc.kids FAQ
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My son died of SIDS in April, i laid him on his back and did everything the doctors said and my son still died why?

Answer by lotta
Submitted on 10/2/2003
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my answer is that you did all that you can do to help your son and obviously god was ready for him to leave and be close to him.  i am really sorry about your son and don't feel bad because he is in a better place now.


Answer by Francine
Submitted on 10/14/2003
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My daughter passed of SIDS one month ago yesterday as well.  I have not found comfort in many things that people have said either.  I,as well as you, was very careful about everything I did to make sure it was done properly and checked on her very often as well.  It was only minutes after it happened that we were there and started CPR right away.  The truth is that there was nothing you could have done. When it happens it just happens. You were a good parent and know that, as I do.  The hard part is knowing as a parent that there was absolutely nothing we could have done and because we want to know that we would protect our children from everything in life, I have been finding that very impossible to accept.  SIDS not only took our children, it took part of us as well.  I don't know if life will ever be better, but one thing I do know is that our babies are in a happy place full of love now, and we are the ones left to deal with the shock and pain. No matter what anyone says to you, remember no one knows why....  everyone has beliefs and theories about why it happens, but it happens to children that don't fit in the "risk" groups as well (like our children).  More research needs to be done.  We may never know why it happened to our children, and that seems to be so unacceptable to me, but remember that it was nothing you did or did not do...... and you know that. I'm sorry that this had to happen to you.  Going through this myself, I hate the thought of anyone else having to live like this.  The only thing that has helped a bit is knowing that the short time my child was with us, she was happy and loved dearly.  She was our angel on earth at the time, and I believe her wonderful little spirit will help us through this....  I believe that.
I hope this helps a bit.  


Answer by COBRA29
Submitted on 11/4/2003
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Answer by Deb
Submitted on 11/13/2003
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God took him!This is simply not so.


Answer by Stacy
Submitted on 12/5/2003
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Nothing any of us can say will give you any peace on this.  I have two kids, and can not even begin to imagine the pain you must feel.  I pray that you will be able to see past this dark time, and come to understand that we are not to know why.  God has a plan that is far bigger then any of us is capable of understanding.  Just trust in him, for if you do, in the end you will be blessed excedingly, and you will be reunited with your baby for eternity!

God Bless


Answer by kai
Submitted on 12/21/2003
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i am so sorry bout your baby.
i no what your going through.i am 18 and i lost my triplets when i was 15. i miscarried 1 baby(a boy) the other baby was still born(a boy) and my third baby died of cot death(a girl),that hurt me and i took 2 years to recover but u have to move on with life.sorry if that sounds harsh but you can move on and get over your loss. don't make the baby's death bigger than its life. remember its life and remember its in a better place


Answer by Jen
Submitted on 12/27/2003
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I can't tell you why your son died, however even though you were the best parent you could have been, circumstances happen that could have taken your son. I have been doing a lot of research on sids for a psychology project and babies have a habit of turning in their sleep so even he started out on his back, he could have turned over in his sleep. Anything soft at all like a teddy bear, or a blanket could have also caused a part. Just keep in mind that you did everything you could have done, it happends to the best of the worlds children and they dont deserve it. I wish you and your family the best of luck in the future.


Answer by Francine
Submitted on 12/29/2003
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Babies are passing of SIDS all the time that don't have anything soft at all in their cribs.  I have to point out that there is a difference between soffocation and SIDS.  People are putting the two together all the time, and it is not so.  We can determine suffocation, airway obstructions, toxins and infections through a complete autopsy; these have nothing to do with SIDS.  These are all ruled out in SIDS deaths.
   I have spoken to lots of SIDS parents since our little girl passed of SIDS and read over 400 theories, and spoken to many experts in SIDS fields; everyone has a different theory or belief, and a large number of the parents I've spoken with their baby was awake in their arms when they passed. Their autopsies were deemed  SIDS.
I'm sorry that you are going through this too; like I said before, I would not wish this heartache on anyone, ever.
The one thing that I've taken away from all my research and questions and conversations from others who are committed to finding out why this happens is that it could be a variety of different body regulatory functions in the end..........  centered in the brain; and I know my angel baby was sleeping when whatever happened happened.  Our angels did not suffer.  It doesn't bring alot of comfort, but there is not "blame" in SIDS..........  it happens.  I can't think of anything more horrific than losing a completely healthy infant child to absolutely nothing at all.  Prayers need to go to finding out why this happens and then finding a cure for it.  We need to find out why SIDS happens before we can even begin hoping for a cure ....... we NEED to find out  why our babies died for no apparent reason!!  
My love and understanding are with you right now:(  I'm sorry you have to go through this too..........  my prayers are that we'll find out why this happened and save other parents this incredible heart break.  No one should ever have to live through this.


Answer by kori
Submitted on 1/7/2005
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you can never get over the fact of losing a baby.. I was sixteen when i got pregnant.and my daughter passed away when i was sixteen she was born april 16 2004 and passed away june 10 2004 the day she was orignally supposed to be born.. it's the hardest the i have ever had to deal with...


Answer by Liv
Submitted on 2/14/2005
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God has a divine plan for all of us, unfortunately your baby (and mine) were a part of that plan.  In my case, I choose to believe that, in fact, my son knew he was going to pass. How can a "babe" do that?  Simple, if you can imagine, he was a messenger of God.  In a sense, we all are...
I wish you well in your continual journey.


Answer by Pammy Poohbear
Submitted on 3/8/2005
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My name is Pamela. I've also lost my child from SIDS too and it's very discouraging considering I haven't got any answers from losing my son either. Hopefully one day we will find out the answers we've been longing for.


Answer by RENEE
Submitted on 3/12/2005
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My heart hurts incredibly...for you...i cryed for four days straight when it happened to me....my god has helped but...the not feeding him..the not watchn his face smile....is what hurts still....truth is we all find our own answers....all i can tell you is when a woman looses her child this deep heartache sets in...n you knw youll never bee the same.....my soul is gripped with this pain..and sometimes when i catch myself laughing..i question if its ok...n you knw it is...i realize from time to time your gona feel deep anger n hurt why why n scream why..truth is theres no perfect answer just knw theres are woman out there who would fly to you n help you just wash your sheets n be there to hold you hand...we all remain silent cuz our pain is the same..I hope you find a moment that u can find a small break from the grief...youll always have your sadness but one day girl youll return the favor n comfort another mother unfortunatly....one day our answers will come right thru


Answer by johanna
Submitted on 9/14/2005
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i just wanted you  to know i know how u fill i lost my baby boy when he was 5 months and 28 day he was health and smart i did everything a parent should do it is still really hard for me i miss my son a lot and I'msure u do too.  


Answer by Shannon
Submitted on 2/7/2006
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I lost my son, Damien, to SIDS on January 1, 2006. He was asleep in the couch for a 10 minute nap and then get his feeding. My boyfriend went downstairs to get him and... needless to say, he wasnt breathing. He patted his butt to wake him up and still no movement. He imidiately did CPR and still nothing. He just spit up blood and vomit. And he called 911 over and over and over and put on hold each time. By the time to ambulance arrived... he was already gone. I got the call 4 am telling me my son wasnt breathing. I called my boyfriend and demanded an answer as to why he wasnt breathing. We were both hysterical. The police showed up at my house and took me to the hospital. 4 hours later the doctors come in and tell me that my son has passed away... I flipped out. i dropped to the floor crying uncontrollably. I felt like i was going to puke. I didnt kno what to do. 2 days later i saw him again. I went to the funeral home to dress him for the viewing. There... i held him in my arms one more time to say goodbye. And all i could remember was a few short hours before my boyfriend too him to see the fireworks on New Years eve, he was in his car seat and i took 15 minutes literally to say goodbye to him. I kissed his cheeks and rubbed his head, and told him how much i loved him and how i coudl never live without him. And then the car rode away and he was gone. That was the last moment i saw him alive. I saw him right after the doctors told me he passed away. He was laying on a table and wrapped in a white blanket. He was cold and pale and his face was blue and yellow and purple. And i remember the instant feeling of running over to him and comforting him... even tho the comfort wouldnt bring him back.

I was a mother at 16... did all i could. Layed him on his back... and his side to drain out his ear. fed him, changed him, bathed him, held him, nursed him, did every little detail possible to keep this from happening and yet... it did anyway. I just wish i had answers. SIDS isnt good enough. "Oopse" isnt a medial explination... and it kills me to know that ther is nothing that could have been done to save my son.

Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night crying... i can still hear his cry. And i wake up and realize, that i lost my life that day. I lost all that i lived for. And i cant do anything about it.

im told God has a plan. But what about mine? I had plans.. did the best i knew how to. And yet i was robbed. Where do i go from here?


Answer by Jerry
Submitted on 4/21/2006
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My son did not die of SIDS but he has been gone for 7 weeks today and I feel your pain. He was 7 years and 20 days. The docs told us after an operation on his tummy that there was nothing they could do, so we held him and let him go. I miss him more then I can bear. Try to be strong.  Jerry


Answer by Dawn Smarr
Submitted on 8/20/2006
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my baby boy just passed away from sids on aug, 12, 2006. he was playing and awake then he just died on my floor. this is shocking and hurtful. yes, they need to get on top of sids like cancer. all babies are very important. I am hurting and lost .


Answer by heather2525
Submitted on 9/14/2006
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my son died of sids in 2001. 3 days before his first birthday. I know to well your pain . It does not matter what you have done. Sids is a problem in the brain stem, which tells the infant to breath. all the right things you did try to prevent sids but really children have been dying of sids for a long time . You can not stop it and from what i have read even if you did stop it ( save your child)most times it happens again . To me it seems to be unstoppable and nothing you or I  could have done. i have thought about the what if'sfor 5 years now. mostly because he was at the sitters and i was going to call out of work that day but did not. Nothing can bring them back but i am sure my little girl knows about her brother and we keep him alive by the stories and pictures on the wall. your child will always be with you. love him or her every day like you always have and take one step at a time .
in memory of Ian alexander may 25,2000 to
may 23,2001


Answer by Elaine
Submitted on 9/19/2006
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My son was Still Born, full term, just days before he was due. I do NOT believe that God *took* him., not when kids are born each day that live lives full of nothing but suffering, usually at the hands of their evil parents.
My baby surely is in heaven, but it's because doctors didn't rush to get him out while i had a complete placental abruption. He weighed just about 8 lbs and was beautiful and sweet. i miss you Dylan, and i love you forever and ever in my heart. I'll see you again one day in heaven. Love, Mommy


Answer by Angela
Submitted on 11/3/2006
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I lost my baby boy to SIDS as well.  I found it really annoying when people tell you how to prevent SIDS by placing the child on his or her back when studies shown that babies died of SIDS while in the arms of their parents, awake, on their tummy, or in supine position.  There is no clear answer to why this happens and everyone wants an answer or someone to blame because it is horrific to lose a child so young. So, people try to go by statistics, that more children die sleeping on their tummies or are found dead with face down.   The fact is babies who die from SIDS have low serotonin levels in their brain.  Recent studies say that SIDS is a disease.  There is nothing you can do about it.  At least not now until they find a way to increase and detect serotonin levels in newborns. Many parents say their baby is special.  You may have realized that your baby was awake more than he or she should have been.  Serotonin causes sleep deprivation.  I know my baby was special. He died one day short of two months. He was smart and could say ga ga at only 17 days old.  I remember on Thanksgiving Day he was awake more than asleep.  Babies are suppose to sleep, but he didn't.  I had to hold him all the time because he wouldn't sleep.  It isn't your fault.  There is nothing you could do.  I wish they would stop telling people how to prevent something when it doesn't prevent.  Telling people to place your baby on their back when many people are still alive today when they were placed on their belly.  I am one of those people whose mother placed her child on her belly to sleep and I am a healthy adult. Making SIDS seem like it was due to suffocation makes parents feel they are to blame.  It is hard enough not knowing the real answers.  My heart goes out to you and to those who blame themselves for losing a child.  http://www.sfn.org/index.cfm?pagename=brainBriefings_sIDSAndSerotonin


Answer by Crystal
Submitted on 1/9/2007
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i feel for your baby i have a child of my own and every night i check to make sure that my daughter is breathing you hear all the time that babies are dying from sids and me as a mother it scares me i guess god was ready for your baby to be his little angel just remember that your guardian angel is you baby angel


Answer by Crystal
Submitted on 3/22/2007
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i have been doing research on baby's who have died from SIDS and i can tell the hurt and the pain you are all going through


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