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My partner and I met 3 years ago and we agreed at that time...

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Question by Krimson
Submitted on 12/4/2003
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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My partner and I met 3 years ago and we agreed at that time to have an "open relationship". Since that time I have dated a few women and he has talked to a few women. None of them have developed into anything more than a passing friendship. However, when he starts to talk to a new woman it seems as if they are always not interested in having an open relationship even though he has told them up front about our existing relationship. They seem to want him, but do not want to accept the life he has. This causes Me to have some very intense insecurities because these women want to monopolize his time. He says that it is just the first stages of them getting to know him and that once all of the new-ness wears off for them it wont be that way. But these women clearly dont want anything to do with me or even acknowledge that I exsist. Im not sure how to get it across to him that it upsets me a lot that the women he is choosing to be involved react this way. Is it normal to feel this way when your partner starts to see someone new? We have never really had the triad that we want because generally the women that are attracted to him dont want to share. I am feeling really lost at this point. I want him to be happy but not at the cost of my comfort.

Answer by oldgreygeorge2000
Submitted on 12/25/2003
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Well, try and date a few men (not women) and then you'll see how your "partner" feels about that... Maybe he'll understand that you were right when not willing to accept his girlfriends.


Answer by stormdancer
Submitted on 4/9/2004
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The above is good advice. I would myself suggest he and you stop looking among monogamists for love.  Find your local polyamory group to email with and socialize with and you will find someone you like enought to ask on a date, if you are lucky.  Meanwhile there will be all these other experienced people to talk to about polyamory, jealousy, all that. You won't feel alone.  

To join a polyamory email list in your area, find lists by going to www.google.com and type in polyamory [your city or state].  [polyamory Miami] or [polyamory Kansas]  Yahoogroups.com has a lot of polyamory lists, or a good national one is the Lovelist at www.lovemore.com.

There are also a few polyamory Online Personals websites where you can find folks to date.  I personally avoid long distance relationships, they are very stressful to maintain.  Here's a link to several poly personal sites, just scroll down to 'Polyamory Personals'. http://www.mnpoly.org/polylinks.html


Answer by 9buddy.com
Submitted on 8/26/2005
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that in poly gmory u should learn to be open  not   jealous. u should let ur partner to fly free.


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