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I am in a long term relationship and my partner and I had...

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Question by nipsnwhips
Submitted on 7/15/2003
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) - Supplement
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I am in a long term relationship and my partner and I had discussed and agreed on becoming polyamorus. But it turned out to him being the only person being polyamory. Which i have become ok with, but i feel like he's not really with me anymore. How do I situate this so I am not left out, or at least adjust to this change

Answer by paul16451
Submitted on 8/1/2003
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Without more specifics, I'm not sure I can answer your question.

Polyamory means different things to different people.  When you had your discussions, what rules did you set for yourself?  Did you consult any resources to help you?  Usually the biggest practical obstacle in a poly-type relationship is time.  Do you both have a set, allowable time he is allowed to see his other love, and he must be with you the rest of the time?

Remember that in any poly relationship, the first guidelines of rules you set are not absolute.  I think it's time you sit down with your husband again and let him know that your needs are not being met in the way you want the way the relationship is going right now.  Be sure you say three nice things about him first and let him know that you are still ok with the poly arrangement, but it needs some adjusting.  Be prepared to offer, specifically, what you need.  Do you need another weekend evening with him?  Maybe more notice before he goes off with his other love?  Maybe no phone calls past a certain hour during certain days of the week?

Whatever it is, the main thing is to tell him that the relationship needs re-negotiation.  Good luck.


Answer by TedEBare1960
Submitted on 9/13/2003
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Hey there! Sorry to hear about your dilemma, but  it's not as bad as it may seem. Are you interested in Poly life yourself? He is already involved with another? What are you doing to rectify your own search? Are you actively searching, or just hoping he will "Get it out of his system"? I do not need to know the answers to these questions, but I think you need to ask and answer them for yourself! act upon your own answer with solid conviction, for "if it is meant to be, it is up to me"...you need to make the changes that you are comfortable with, in your own life dear! Only you are in charge of your life! Only you can help you! Make decisions, be decisive about the decisions that you make, and stick to your guns honey!!! You know it is a big, beautiful, wonderful world out there, and all we have to do is decide what we want, and go create it. Ask Bill Gates! Ask anyone who has made something out of nothing, "How did you do it", and they will most likely tell you that they just decided to do it, and then went and made it happen! This is a trait all successful people "OWN"!! So do you, it just may not be as prevalent in your life yet, but it can be!!! Good luck to you dear. I hope life fills with joy, just for you, and just because of you, it can! The choice is yours, and only yours!
Good luck doll!




Answer by Guest
Submitted on 5/23/2004
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Polyamory is retarded


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