Is anyone aware of published material on gender disappointme...

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Answer by beth
Submitted on 2/29/2004
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I am expecting my third boy and am devastated. The first two pregnancies I was certain that I was carrying a girl and felt disappointment, but not like this. I am 42 with a history of infertility so getting pregnant now in my life, (my youngest is 6) I thought was impossible. I am a girlie girl and I just love girls. Don't get me wrong I adore my two sweet little boys, but when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and very sick, which was so different than the other pregnancies, I was sure that God was blessing me with a girl. I suffered alot of stress and sickness during the first trimester, so as a pick me-up, I went out shopping and wandered down the baby aisle at Target and found the most incredible baby bedding for a girl on clearance. Over a few weeks, I amassed the entire beautiful collection. I was so certain that my "Charlotte" was coming...everyone said it had to be a girl. And I was so sure that God was blessing me with a girl since I was content with my boys...it was only when I found that I was unexpectedly pregnant that the desire for a girl became overwhelming. I found out three days ago, and I cannot seem to dig myself out. Fortunately, there is a three month return policy at Target...but nothing out there in bedding encourages any new and exciting feelings about this boy. I love my boys, but I have been down that road and I would never have chosen to have three boys...Lordy, two is enough. All my dreams are dashed now, dreams that sustained me while I was busy worrying about deformities and abnormalities due to my age. The baby appears to be healthy at 17 weeks, and I praise God for that, but the disappointment of it being a boy is overwhelming.I pray alot for these feelings to go away. I am mad at myself for feeling them and pray. Right now though, irrationally, I feel as though God does not even hear me...He did not hear my desire for a girl, why would He listen now? Help. EWohlfarth@aol.com

Answer by Busybee
Submitted on 4/28/2005
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I feel really guilty saying this but yesterday when i found out that I'm expecting a girl , i was really disappointed. I've cried since then and I'really depressed. I was very much looking forward to a baby boy. This is my first baby and i had always wanted to have only one child... My husband and my parents have tried to talk to me.. Like they say a baby is a gift from god.. If god wants me to have a girl then it is according to his will and there is a good reason , for he is the one who knows what is best for us. Furthermore i had been having difficulty to conceive. when i stop and think i realize there are a lot of people out there who are not as lucky as me.. they are still struggling to have a child and would give anything to have one regardless of the gender. I would advise those feeling disappointed to be strong and accept the fact that you are blessed with a child healthy with no abnormalities and the moment he/she is born it would be your most precious treasure, you will forget what you desired cause the small child will fit your hand perfectly when you hold him and all will be forgotten.

Answer by Mum to be
Submitted on 6/7/2005
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I have two boys already and found myself unexpectedly pregnant again. My boys are both teenagers and they were longing for a little sister. I too secretly hoped that I would get a girl. But today, the mid-wife called and informed me that the amniocentesis results are out and...... it's a boy! Needless to say, this has really shattered me. I was really looking forward to having my own little girl, doing her hair, wearing pretty pinks etc... and really wept at having lost a chance...... I know I will feel better in a couple of days time, and I know I will be able to love the new baby as much as I do my other boys, but at the moment..... it is just so hard.

Answer by Linda
Submitted on 9/23/2005
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I know that this board is a little old, but I had to write my feelings out. I don't care if no one reads them, but I'm hoping that by writing them out, I will feel better. I am 24 years old with one daughter who is 4. I went on fertility drugs a few months ago and was thrilled to find out I was pregnant. All of my life, I had dreamed of having 2 girls and a boy. I wanted my daughter to have a sister, so she could be close to someone. I always wanted a sister of my own and never had one. So, when I found out I was having a boy, I was (or am) devastated. I found out at my ultrasound, refused to believe it, and went somewhere else for another ultrasound. I can not seem to get over this. I look at my closet full of boy's clothes and I just lose it. My eyes are sore from crying so much and I can not seem to get past this. I wanted a second chance with a girl and feel that that is lost. I don't know where to turn. Everyone I talk to seems to think I'm crazy and that I should be happy that the baby is healthy, but I just can't be.

Answer by Annette
Submitted on 5/4/2007
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As a mom of two beautiful boys and a third on the way, I simply cannot understand how expectant moms can feel "disappointed" or "resentful" towards their unborn little boys. I, too, prayed that God would bless our family with the child, boy or girl, that HE wanted us to have before even becoming pregnant. He answered our prayers and I don't feel He made a mistake. And as for those women who have it all planned out, such and such for a girl or a boy as far as getting pregnant, do you really think it is in your hands? All your baby boy knows is the sound of your heartbeat and feels warm and secure. It's unfair to him to be so selfish. I am so tired of women asking me if I am disappointed that we are having a third boy. I am excited, thankful and feel blessed to be adding to our family. Remember, our children are not here simply for our pleasure and enjoyment, like a puppy. God has a purpose for their lives and it is our job to help them fulfill that, boy or girl.

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Question by rockymountainbigcat
Submitted on 11/28/2003
Related FAQ: misc.kids FAQ on Choosing Your Baby's Sex
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Is anyone aware of published material on gender disappointment (ie. not having the baby be the sex you wanted)? I am interested as I have an article in progress on this-have three kids, 2 boys, 1 girl-and could not find info before I became pregnant with my third child and yet many women have talked to me about their feelings about this and the guilt and frustration over not having any thing to reference to regarding it.

Answer by DeeDee
Submitted on 12/6/2003
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"Babyzone.com" has an article on gender disappointment. I know how you feel, I am expecting a boy and desperately wanted a girl. I'm trying to work through my feelings now before he is born so I don't resent him. I know once he is born I will fall in love with him, but right now I'm having a difficult pregnancy and it almost feels like its not worth it since he's a boy.

Answer by Momof3boys
Submitted on 8/13/2004
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I would love to see something new published on this. I've seen the babyzone article and there's a long thread on this topic on babycenter. It definitely needs to be addressed....

Answer by D.
Submitted on 2/28/2005
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Thank you. I've been looking everywhere for support. This is the closest I've found. 3 days ago I had my 20 week ultrasound. It's a boy. I already have a boy. I can't stop crying. I really really want a little girl. I was convinced it was a girl. Like Beth this pregnancy is very different to my first, harder. Also I did all those old wives tales tricks and they all said girl. I was so certain it would be a girl. I feel so guilty about being so unhappy. I feel trapped and alone. I've lost all excitement for this pregnancy. I wonder if I'll ever feel happy again.

Answer by Kim
Submitted on 3/31/2005
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I wanted a boy so bad. When I found out I was having a girl I was kind of sad and felt like I had failed on something really big. I slowly had to get used to saying her or she when I would refer to my baby. I was just so overwhelmed thinking I was having a boy that I kind of got depressed but with all the support from friends and family I am very happy about my baby GIRL! I think it is important that you have alot of people involved with your pregnancy.

Answer by Angel
Submitted on 8/23/2006
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Is there anyone out there who wanted a boy and got a girl instead? I just found out I'm having a girl and I'm devastated. I wanted a boy more than anything. For a variety of reasons, this will likely be an only child. I feel like I've blown my only chance. I mourn the boy I thought I was having and I can't imagine ever been able to connect to this girl. Decorating and buying cute clothes are not going to help, so I'm desperately seeking advice from someone who got a girl instead of a boy.

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