My husband has met someone he is strongly attracted to (and...

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Question by undecided
Submitted on 11/24/2003
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My husband has met someone he is strongly attracted to (and visa versa) she seems to be really nice although I haven't met her - someone that I would like to know as well by his descriptions. He is out seeing her for the first time (alone)- broaching the poly subject with her. My problem is not so much the sex side it is that the soul-mate aspect of our relationship is so seriously threatened.(sex being the natural outgrowth in this case) He has been really open with me all the time. it would be great if we could all get along together but although I am trying I am getting so upset about there being a part of his life (such a deep part) that I have no window to. Obviously putting the subject to her not has proved that disastrous (he was really nervous about it) as they have been out so long and only the last train will be the reason for bringing him back earlier rather than later. Anybody out there got any advise as to their own experiences with this new relationship.

Answer by paul16451
Submitted on 11/26/2003
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One of the nice things about love and a soul is that it has no limits. A basic philosophy of polyamory is that the there is no "love bag" inside you that you can only draw so much from before you lose it all. A person can have more than one soulmate and love more than one person equally intensely, sexually, and romantically. Often this actually opens up a whole new window of a personality that is often pleasing to the primary partner. Now, what you might have a problem with is time. When you next talk with your husband about this, you need to agree as a couple exactly how much time he can spend with his new love. Also, I'd insist that you meet her with your husband, in a public place the first time, so that you can get an impression of what she is like. Since this person is so important to your husband who is your primary partner, you certainly deserve to know the intimate details about her.

Answer by Autumn Pippenburg
Submitted on 5/4/2004
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sweety. I am only 16 but i do know a lot for my age. infact I know that if you knew that he was attracted to someone else before you married him, that you would have never married him. you also have to look at the picture at a totaly different angle than you and that "paul" guy are looking at. You are his one and ONLY soul mate, and that is why you married him right? And this goes for the both of you: be true to the one you married, for they will always be there for you when you are happy or sad. If he truly loves you girl, he would never even consider looking at another girl in that manner. To me he has no respect and that's that. I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we love eachother so much. I always imagine the days ahead when we are married and we can grow old together. If you allow this little "get together" with this other girl then you are putting your future with him in gepardy. I know you love him or else you wouldn't have wrote your message for the whole world to read. I know it is probably hard for you to read this since it is coming from a 16 year old. But i have seen marriages fall apart from crap like this. So tell him like it is. Tell him how you feel and see what he says.

Answer by Roseygrey
Submitted on 5/7/2004
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Hi. Poly relationships if you are open to them can be a wonderful glorious thing but got to keep jealousy out of it. The more we love the more love we have to give. Yeah some times it's hard not to be jealous but if you think about why your feeling the way you are and talk about it in a positive way to your other mate/mates you will feel better about things and so will they. I hope it works for you guys. My husband and I of little over 4 years have been swinging most of that time and are moving in boyfriend and possibly a girlfriend here shortly. I'm extremely excited and nerves too. Hoping that everyone clicks the right way so we can have a wonderful long relationship together.

Answer by shazza
Submitted on 8/21/2006
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My husband of 14 years that loved me like you wouldn't believe and his daughter left me earlier this year for workmate. I didn't see it coming. He did tell me about her from time to time and said she was a nice person etc but that was ok. Take it from me don't sit back and think it is ok because it isn't. I have lost everything and so has my daughter. Watch your back. Workplace relationships can be very intense because they usually spend more time with them than they do with you. I tried everything to get him to give up the job he wouldn't i know now why. They are still together after six months. Be very careful how far you trust. Men don't always tell you everything; they do tend to tell you what you want to hear. Good luck I hope I'm wrong

Answer by Crimsy
Submitted on 11/7/2006
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Hey...I saw the beginning of this thing in the list and something told me to click it. I'm glad I did, because I'm in a similar situation...to an extent...I have found my soul mate, but he has left me and I have been feeling poly for a long time, but hadn't acted on it because I was afraid of hurting him and I knew that I wouldn't want to share him and so it wouldn't be fair to ask him to share me. But I have been thinking about if he comes back, would I still be the way I am in being poly, and I am definitely considering doing that. And letting him, of course. You just have to follow your instincts and not little girls who spell "jeopardy" as "gepardy". Good luck, and I hope that you, your husband, and the new girl can figure out the perfect solution. Who knows...maybe you'll even like her as well and you three can have a triad (provided that is your leaning...). ^_^

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Answer by 2pac
Submitted on 7/4/2004
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it is my oppion that the best way to have this type of relationship is to set some good rules and boundery, and understand togther that if those rules or boundery are crossed its ok just be

Answer by so what happened?
Submitted on 8/7/2004
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did he stay late and miss the train?

Answer by Sassu
Submitted on 6/11/2005
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If your jealous then it is the wrong thing for you. And no you can only have one soulmate. When you with one the other will have issues and soon will turn against you and the other woman. Girl get yourself a relationship you truly deserve. One where he wants you and only you, I bet if you told you husband that you were just really attracted to another man he would immediatlely be against it. I know cause most men like this have very small egos and have penile issues so they to prove themselves over and over again. Girl don't lower your standards for him, he married you for better or for worse, not until I find somebody I am more attracted to!!!!!

Answer by LALA
Submitted on 3/13/2006
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I think Polygamy and jealousy go hand in hand. It's ridiculous, sorry. How can you NOT get jealous? I mean you're sharing the most intimate sides of you with other people, jealousy has room for it all.

Answer by ohplease
Submitted on 5/5/2006
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Why are you married to begin with? Did he vow to be true to you and a couple other people? Marriage is sacred. You are making a complete mockery of it.

Answer by callit
Submitted on 4/12/2007
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You guys (with the exception of that nice 16-year-old girl) are all PLUMB CRAZY! There are not possible benefits from a lifestyle like that. You are only guaranteeing you will not be with you spouse in the future. I sure hope none of you drag any children into your insanity.

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