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How can a monogamous person learn to accept the relationship...

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Question by pana
Submitted on 7/10/2003
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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How can a monogamous person learn to accept the relationships of their polyamorous spouse?

Answer by dee
Submitted on 7/16/2003
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it is hard i won't lie to you but you have to ask him/her to be honest and tell you everything with the understanding that you aren't going to lose it.  It is called trust and without it you and your spouse will never survive this.  you have to also know that he/she will always be coming home to you and that you are #1 in their heart and will always be #1.  you have to lay out the ground rules and MUST abide by them at all times.  my hubby has not found the right person yet for him but he has been more than understanding with me and my "friend".  he has met him and is very comfortable with the fact that he is good to me and treats me with respect.  he is even OK with me going on overnights with him.  but it has been time to get to this point.  i only hope that i can be as understanding as he is.  when i was approached about this i said that there was no way that he would agree to this especially after all we had been through lately .  when he said yes i was floored but then after i thought about it i thought it would be good cause i would know about it and be able to protect our children and not have his "friend" decide to tell me in front of the kids like the last one did. so that is when we laid down the ground rules and so far it has been working but honesty is first and far most the most important thing and your ability to accept that there are many kinds of love and that you are the most important person and #1.


Answer by JACKBOB
Submitted on 9/16/2003
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Do what your heart tells you to do. Be honest to yourself, then all else will fall into place


Answer by springdew
Submitted on 10/2/2003
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The key is even more communication (if that's even possible) than standard or mutually poly relationships require.  I prefer to head this off at the pass by being vigorously "out" with everyone I meet so that people get it long before a relationship forms.

Essentially, if you haven't fostered a communication-intense relationship with lots of trust and understanding, and both partners are not secure in each other's love, you just might be doomed.  If you -have- done all that, you stand a decent chance, provided that any issues are communicated immediately as soon as they arise/are noticed.


Answer by Patrick
Submitted on 11/4/2003
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Who says you SHOULD accept it? Divorce them, and if you have kids, sue for child custody. If your spouse can't keep from screwing other people, you shouldn't be married. Stand up for yourself. We all deserve better than to live with an adulterer


Answer by Stacy
Submitted on 12/5/2003
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I agree.  Why be married if you aren't going to be faithful.  Move on to someone who is going to love you 100% not a little to you and a little to her and so on.  


Answer by dawn
Submitted on 12/8/2003
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This is the craziest thing I've heard. Obviously you are not comfortable with the idea or you wouldn't ask how to get used to it. If your husband can not just be with you then it's time to move on. Think about yourself not him. If this man truly loved you then there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to be with you and you alone. Believe it or not there are truly alot of men out there who love there wives and choose only to be with them. Only you know how you feel about this and you know what you want to do so do it. Just remember you are the one losing here if you are not comfortable with this situation and choose to stay in it.


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