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I need some assistance. I am a 41 year old formerly gay...

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Question by candlejockey@yahoo.com
Submitted on 5/29/2007
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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I need some assistance. I am a 41 year old formerly gay identified male who has been finding himself increasingly drawn towards the feminine. (I am a virgin with women.) I have never felt that the label gay fits me and after having attended a male sexuality workshop am feeling like more of a 4.5-5 on the Kinsey scale. At this workshop (of all men), a woman kindly was brought in to explain female sexuality and she did so by show and tell. To sit there within 2 feet of her sex and have her talk to us about her sexuality as a woman without shame was the most amazing thing I have ever seen and I was overcome with emotion. It was such a gift as I never had any sex education in the Christian school I went to. For the first time in 30 years I felt this flush of sexual innocence and joy come over me and after having seen I knew that now I wanted to touch. Mind you, these emotions are still not tied to sexual arousal, but I have many abandonment issues with women and was molested at age eleven by a man so that all I know of plain sex is the arousal and pleasure that a man can bring. Since female sexual aggressiveness kind of scares me, I have found no help from any swingers boards, but someone told me I might find more assistance from the polyamory community. My last boyfriend told me that he wanted to see me with a woman and put the idea into my head of what it might be like and I found myself fantasizing about having a triad relationship with a man and a woman. But in talking about it, I realized that I can't just have sex with a woman for an experiment. I need to have an emotional/spiritual physical connection where I trust her and where I can discover my core sexual identity in a playful, loving manner. Someone mentioned a sex surrogate, but I'm concerned that I might have more feelings for him or her and would be hurt when the "artificial" relationship ended. Am I alone here? I feel a bit terminally unique and could really use some feedback. Thanks.


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