i entered into a relationship with a man who is my friend...

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Question by luvalitlmuch
Submitted on 9/28/2003
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) - Supplement
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i entered into a relationship with a man who is my friend and his wife is too. we set rules, she agreed but now she keeps changing them and just doesn't like the two of us being together. she says it's because she feels he has fallen in love with me. but that is the problem because i have also fallen in love and don't want to stop?

Answer by BigAl
Submitted on 10/28/2003
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Spending time with someone you enjoy will cause a feelings of love to surface. For someone to rule out love in such an intimate relationship is ridiculous. If this is causing problems then you may have to step back from the relationship and approach the situation at another time when the bad feelings have subsided.

Answer by Beautybivic
Submitted on 4/3/2004
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I was a secondary at one time, too. The man ended up leaving his wife because of the problems that exact same situation caused....::shrugs::

Answer by Nebula
Submitted on 4/27/2005
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I was the wife in a situation similar to that. Only one of the rules was that the new woman was also supposed to be my lover. Though she decided that she wasn't interested in me after all, I didn't find out until much later, after she and my husband had fallen in love. I almost left the relationship, and was very hurt. But my husband chose me, and that was about 10 years ago and we are still together. Recently, he told me that he thinks the mistake he made was falling so deeply in love with her, and treating her like the primary, while ignoring me. And he still feels bad. I have completely forgiven him, but he is still working on forgiving himself.

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