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I know this is going to sound pathetic but here goes anyway....

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Question by afraidofintimacy
Submitted on 5/22/2004
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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I know this is going to sound pathetic but here goes anyway.

I don't really know any other group to contact that, I believe, strives for openness and honesty about trust and intimacy. In fact without trust there can be no intimacy, and therein lies my problem.

I don't really want to get into a lot of details here so, I'll just say that trust does not come easily to me.

I have been married for 30 years to a wonderful woman who has always been there for me. While I am committed to our marriage and love her very much, I have always been afraid to actually be intimate. Yes, I appear intimate, I think, but as I get older, it becomes more and more difficult to maintain the appearance.

I want to learn how to relax, trust, be playful and intimate. It is a part of the human condition that I am quite leery of. I am seeing a therapist to help deal with this issue, however, I don't think just talking about it is going to get me to my goal. It would be like reading a book about judo and expecting to know how to do jujitsu by the end.

I have heard of sexual surrogate therapists but I think they may only be an urban myth.

OK, enough beating around the bush, here is my question:

Is there a polyamorus woman among you who would be willing to take the time to get to know me and be my guide to intimacy?

I don't expect this to be a "quick fix" and I'm not just kidding around. In fact it freaks me out to even be raising an issue like this.

I need a guide/mentor who can show me the way with dignity, respect, and love. I will offer those same qualities in return.

Thank you all for your time. I'm sorry if any of you are offended by this message. Please feel free to simply ignore it rather than slam me for it.

Thank you.


Answer by Marie
Submitted on 3/3/2006
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I think it isn't clear from your question exactly what you mean by intimacy.  You say you give the appearance of intimacy, but that it is only an appearance.  I am wondering if you mean physical or emotional intimacy or some combination of the two?  In my experience, emotional intimacy requires trust and commitment (or foolishness), so I don't see how a surrogate in this department could be helpful.  Have you talked to your wife about this?

 

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