This is the first time I have ever visited a site like this...

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Question by tenanciously_yours
Submitted on 5/4/2004
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) - Supplement
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This is the first time I have ever visited a site like this and probably never would have if not for a male friend of mine. I am about to divorce my husband, with whom that I have two children with, and my friend wants me to come and live with his family in a polamory lifestyle. I have done some research into this lifestyle and it is very interesting and I agree with some of the stuff that I've read regarding it. We both have strong feelings for each other and he loves his wife very much. He has asked me and my children if we would like to become his extended family. (I would be his secondary.) I don't really see this as a problem on my part but I am worried about his wife. We are friends but I am afraid of how she would react to me. He is not sexually attracted to his wife anymore and hasn't been for a few years, but he loves her and does not want to leave her. She already nows how we feel about each other (at least I think that she does)I am afraid that when she sees how we feel about each other and how we interact on a daily basis that she will be hurt or even become jealous and I don't want that to happen. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I should handle myself in this situation that hasn't even occured yet?

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<< Back to: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) - Supplement

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Answer by tommytool22
Submitted on 12/10/2004
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Yeah. Here's a solution: Move away from the hick town and don't bring anymore children into your sick little world. People like you are mentally ill and might never come to that realization...very scary! Leave that family alone, it sounds like they have enough stupidity and definitely enough psychological problems to deal with for a couple lifetimes. People like you and your friends are why their are so many f'-d up families in this country.

Answer by Nebula
Submitted on 4/27/2005
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Go slowly! Do not move in and try the lifestyle at the same time. Ending a marriage is a big deal. Falling into another relationship and moving in with anyone right away is a bad idea, even if the new relationship is poly. Move into the new relationship slowly and befriend the wife, so you don't have to take the man's word for her feelings. Good luck!

Answer by callcentermonkey
Submitted on 9/2/2005
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There are three keys words to poly: Openly, Honestly, Ethically. And these all have to do with communication. My personal suggestion is that this be OPENLY discussed as adults. If he or she isn't willing to do this, run screaming away, it'll end in tears otherwise.

Answer by DivaDuchess
Submitted on 10/23/2005
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WOW ... it more sounds like 'cohabitating cheats' than poly anything. If you are afraid of what his wife will feel and think, then she must have NO idea what the both of you really want. My suggestion and one that has worked for my husband and I ... how about you ... COMMUNICATE with each other. Give his wife a chance to be angry, explain her anger and each of you perhaps input 'ground rules' for your new relationship(s). Just a friendly suggestion.

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