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I'm in a poly relationship now, for 6 years. It's a vee...

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Question by spikemom
Submitted on 3/20/2004
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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I'm in a poly relationship now, for 6 years.  It's a vee with another woman and a man (the man is the pivot point on the vee).  We have 3 kids together and bought a house together almost 2 years ago.  I moved in with the other two because I knew it would make my male partner happy, but I want out.  The relationship between me and the other woman is awful, and her approaches are not how I want my kids raised.  My relationship with the dad is pretty much platonic, but there's still some emotional intimacy left (it could be a lot better, for sure!).  As soon as I can find a job in my field (that is a difficult thing to do), I want to save up my money and leave, but what about him?  I'm torn.  I want to raise my kids well, and not be miserable myself, but I don't want to hurt him or split up the kids (only 2 are mine).  Any advice?

Answer by stormdancer
Submitted on 4/9/2004
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Well, you see, there's this rule of thumb in the poly community, we've noticed this over the years: no matter your gender or sexual orientation, in a poly relationship, the people of the same gender have to get along or the relationship doesn't work, its doomed.  In a triad, or a quad, or a vee, if the two males get along, and the two females are friendly, then it has a decent chance.

So I don't see much hope for you, whether you stay there, or you move out and stay platonically involved with the dad.  When you leave, there will be heartache for you, and the children will be confused and sad, but you have to look out for yourself first. "This above all, to thine own self be true."
I would strongly suggest you get in touch with your local polyamory group, for support. Join them and interact often, make friends with others who have gone through this too.  

Good luck.  


Answer by baa ram ewe
Submitted on 1/17/2005
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to thy breed, to thy creed be true!


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