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Children: What do you tell them? We are new to poly,...

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Question by Alex
Submitted on 2/25/2004
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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Children: What do you tell them?  We are new to poly, practicing it for the past 3 months.  Married over 18 years, deeply in love with each other and with our respective sweeties.  Our children, 16 (boy) and 9 (girl) do not know.  I'd like to hear about other poly people's experiences, both for and against revealing the poly truth to their children.  This, for us at least, is the most pressing question about poly, and it doesn't seem to be talked about much!

Answer by Roseygrey
Submitted on 5/7/2004
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Hi Alex. If you feel there is nothing wrong with it why not just open up and tell them.  Our kids all know.  We want them to know you can love more then one person.  For so long we've all had it drilled in our heads that we are supposed to have one love.  

Be open and honest with your kids at ages they are now the 16 year old might have some problems dealing with it because you've been just Mom and Just Dad to him for so long.  Or he could be like my husbands teenagers and think it just rocks.  Communication is the key to making it work and that means including the kids.

Hiding things and them finding out some other way just makes them think you feel you are doing something wrong and your not.  Just my 2 cents.  SMILE.  Have a great day.


Answer by nickie
Submitted on 6/1/2004
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I'm new at this to. I have been married for about 10 years with two childen and have resently met another who we have both fell deeply in love with and I to am nerve about telling my children.


Answer by Dee
Submitted on 6/6/2004
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Open, honest and truthfullness in communication, but thats also all dependent of your childrens persona. Each parent should know how to be 'serious' at some point with their kids. Explain things so they can understand in their terms, no matter what their age.

We are also new to this, and society can be cruel. But what makes us sleep easy at night, is knowing that we are honest with ourself.


Answer by Gmann
Submitted on 6/20/2004
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My wife of ten years and I feel deeply in love with another woman recently,
we were worried about our two childern but after reading the comments online we decided that they are to young to tell so we are involving our third as a normal part of our lives around them this includes huging and hand holding,
if the childern feel like asking about it
then we will discuss it with them.
just never act like you are doing some thing wrong, or maybe this life style is not for you.


Answer by lil christ
Submitted on 10/1/2004
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You feel weird about opening up to your kids about it because although you enjoy your relationship with the third person, deep down you know it is wrong.  I just have one question for you, Would you want your children to practice polygamy?  Hiding it from them isn't the answer either.  The right thing to do is to confess to your children but then turn from that 3rd party relationship and focus only on your real woman.  From a concerned friend that you don't know.


Answer by PPhrog
Submitted on 8/11/2005
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What we have here, are some people who want to have things both ways, and don't seem to really care about what effect it will have on the kids. The real effect may not appear for years and slant their normal development to match you basically selfish rationalizations...Good grief...GROW UP!!!


Answer by rasda
Submitted on 9/11/2006
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I think its a good idea to tell your children straight away or they will be very hurt! even if your not doing any thing wrong your kids will find it hard to receive a new person or way of life the older they get!!!


Answer by Michelle
Submitted on 6/16/2007
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help me sign up for one please


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