I am in an open relationship with a bisexual woman. She has...

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Question by Kessler
Submitted on 2/10/2004
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I am in an open relationship with a bisexual woman. She has had sex with many people in the four years we have been together, and it has never bothered me. I have always thought I am not a jealous person. She is living in a different city right now, and she has fallen in love with someone else. They don't have sex--the person she is in love with is married and not in an open relationship--but they email all the time, talk on the phone, and spend a lot of time together. She is very emotionally turbulent right now because of her relationship with him. For the first time, I really feel upset and jealous. I don't know what to do. I am at a loss. I don't understand why I am so jealous and upset--I hate feeling this way. I don't want to break up with her, and I don't think she will leave me for him. Any input or anecdotes most welcome--I just don't know where to turn. None of my friends are polyamorous, so they just criticize our relationship--there is no attempt to understand.

Answer by Drew
Submitted on 3/9/2006
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OK, as a fellow "open relationshiper," I think I may be able to help you out here (if not with resolving the issue, then just with recognizing what you're feeling). For the most part, truly open relationships are based on two people who very much love each other, and yet they recognize that the sexual part of the relationship is simply physical. When they have sex with each other, it is very special yada yada yada... When they have sex with OTHER people, it is simply a physical reaction to being attracted to that person, and gratifying oneself. If, however, your relationship with your primary partner is not a "soul-mate" "no-matter-what-happens-I'llalways-come-home-to-you" type of relationship, then you may only have (or be VIEWED as) a f--- buddy. If you're feeling jealous, it is because she is showing more of an EMOTIONAL interest in someone other than you. No matter how "un-jealous" you may be, when someone you love/care about starts acting THAT way towards someone besides you, it hurts. My suggestion; ask her if the two of you are on the same wavelength emotionally. If not (and that may be the case with the two of you living in different cities), you'll really need to ask yourself WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? If the answer is just sex, and that's not all you want, you should try some time apart.

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Answer by Bethany
Submitted on 2/25/2004
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maybe it is pointing out that you are ready to have an 'in-love' type of relationship. you never indicate that you are in love with her, just that you've been together for a long time. loving her and being 'in love' is still something i view as kinda the same but one is a little different. so perhaps you're ready to feel more, and you see her feeling more, and you want that for yourself. shrug

Answer by Naes
Submitted on 5/5/2004
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What should you do? Talk to her. Then when you're done, talk again. Keep talking until you've figured it out.

Answer by albanian guy
Submitted on 11/16/2004
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You let her do thinks that she should not do when she already had a someone(you). So, there you have an answer. We people never are happy with thinks we had, and we never gonna be happy either. So, why do we not let thinks that makes us sad be. She is sad, you are sad. My girlfriend like woman to, but I don't think that it have to be more than that. I, factually would like to have sex with her and some woman else to, but we know that it can rely be so, that she (or me) fell in love with someone else. So, why let it be possible? We have to let wrong thinks be?

Answer by janjan
Submitted on 12/29/2004
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hello,in such relationship like that you have to dwell for you to be matured individual yah naes is correct why wont you talk to her that youve got so jelous with her, and please try to tell here that you love her much that why you feel the jelousy in your heart, its a normal thing to feel that way coz first you love her and as much possilble you dont want to loose her, and secondly, loving a person is a happiness that money cant buy, all i want to say again is talk to her in a nice way tell everything then pray... prayers is the amulet of a person its really works trust me..

Answer by nightstar
Submitted on 4/25/2005
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Question: I am in a relationship with a bisexual woman and she cheated on me with a man and now I've suggested an open relationship and she doesn't want it. I know in my heart me and her will never end up together, but I can't put my life on hold, hence the open r/ship. what do you say?

Answer by Musette
Submitted on 5/22/2006
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Hey, I'm in the same situation, only I'm the bi woman and I'm feeling love for another woman. I would say talk to her but give her space to figure things out-- obviously, if she's got you and someone else and can't pick, she's confused. Tell her to talk to the other person, too. If you do love her, you want what's best for her, and it may not be you, but if you're there for her, it's more likely to be.

Answer by dh
Submitted on 1/31/2007
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I'm with a girl who is very much like the one in the posting. She likes to have sex with other people but expects me to be only with her. She wants to get her own place now - what do you think?

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