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Saturday Night Live FAQ: Song Lyrics

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Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics
Last-modified: 1996/02/29
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Saturday Night Live FAQ:  Song Lyrics
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This is a transcription of various Saturday Night Live songs.


Song lyrics included:

Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Images
Celebrity Hot Tub Party
The Boyfriend Song
Draw the Line
Go to Sleep, Little Doggies
The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
Turkey Song
Not Going to Phone it in Tonight
Girl
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Mother's Day Song
Play On, Michael
Santa Song
Lunch Lady Land
The Hannukah Song
Recurring Characters Song


Subject: Gonna Get Me a Shotgun Gonna Get Me a Shotgun Performed by Garrett Morris on 24 Jan 1976 (Peter Cook and Dudley Moore) I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see, I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see. When I kill all the whities I see, then whitey he won't bother me, I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see. Then I'll get a white woman who's wearing a navy blue sweater.
Subject: Images Images by Tyrone Greene Performed by Eddie Murphy (date unknown) Dark and lonely on a summer's night Kill my landlord Kill my landlord Watchdog barking Do he bite? Kill my landlord Kill my landlord Slip in his window Break his neck Then his house I start to wreck Got no reason What the heck Kill my Landlord Kill my landlord C-I-L-L my l a n d l o r d
Subject: Celebrity Hot Tub Party Celebrity Hot Tub Party Performed by Eddie Murphy (date unknown) "It's James Brown's Celebrity Hot Tub Party! And now, here he is! The godfather of soul, and hot tub man number one, James Brown!" Sometimes it make me break out in a cold sweat! One two three four! Hot tub! Ha! Da! Ah-full of water! I say hot tub! Ha! Day! Ba! Very, very hot... Very hot! Da! Hot tub! Gonna get ya hot-a! Gonna make ya sweat! Hey! Say! Hot tub! Rub a dub in the hot tub! Rub a dub with me! Should I get in the hot tub? (Yeah!) Will it make me sweat? (Yeah!) Should I get in the hot tub? (Yeah!) Will it make me wet? (Yeah!) Well, well, well... Hot tub! Ah! Get in! Gonna get in the water! Gonna make me sweat! Ah! Here I go in the hot tub! HHHHIIIGGGHH!! Too hot in the hot tub! Ma! Burn myself! Make it cooler! Good God! Gonna make me... I'm gonna get in the hot tub.. I'm gonna get in the hot tub.. I'm gonna get in the hot tub.. Ha! Lilin! Lidilin! Eh! A gonna make me sweat-ah! Dah! Gonna make me sweat! Gonna make me sweat-ah! Dah! Gonna get me in the hot tub! I can't stand it! Here I go! I can't stand it! Here I go in the hot tub! Gonna get in the hot tub! Gonna get it wet-ah! Good God! HHHIIIIGGHHH!! Ha! Good God! Rub a dub! In the hot tub! Rub a dub with me! Good God! Rub a dub in the hot tub! Gonna set me free! Don't go away! We'll be right back with more Celebrity Hot Tub! "Coming up next: Dr. Joyce Brothers joins James Brown on Celebrity Hot Tub!" (transcribed by Jeffrey Neau <jeffy@ironwood.cray.com>)
Subject: The Boyfriend Song The Boyfriend Song performed by Victoria Jackson with Willie Nelson performed on 21 Feb 1987? (Willie Nelson and Paulina Porizkova) (Victoria) Oh I got one boyfriend to talk about food with One boyfriend I like to talk crude with One boyfriend I share a qualude with (No not really I don't like qualudes,I Don't believe in drugs it just rhymed perfect there) One boyfriend who's mean One boyfriend who wears a cowboy hat One boyfriend who tells me I'm not fat One boyfriend who looks at me like that (Makes goofy face) One who is serene Oh woa is me The joys of a single life I'd give up in a minute If I could be the wife of Mr. Right Oh I got one boyfriend I work out at the gym with One boyfriend I sing a church hymm with One boyfriend I like to drink gin with One who licks my lips One boyfriend who won't let me chew gum One boyfriend I have to hide my fingernails from One boyfriend who use to sing with Gladys Night and the Pips Woa is me The joys of a single life I'd give up in a minute If I could be the wife of Mr. Right I concluded my search On the way to the church To enlist in the nunnery When I ran into a man who Began to tell to me That he had (Willie Nelson) One girlfriend I thought was pretty slick (Laughs through this line,Cannot understand him.Use your Imagination.) One girlfriend that was kinda witty One who was short and wise And one girlfriend with thick red curley hair And one girlfiend who didn't wear underwear And one girlfriend who was shaped just like a pear With Bette Davis eyes (Victoria & Willie) But woa is me (Willie) The joy of single life I'd give up in a minute If I could find a wife that's Mrs. Right (Victoria & Willie) We both entered the church doors together that day Sincere in our motives and in our hearts But we left one hour later hand in hand For better or worse In sickness and in health Till death do us part (transcribed by tomjody@techline.com)
Subject: Draw the Line Draw the Line performed by Victoria Jackson (date unknown) Talk about love Talk about morality Are we having an affair Or are you just glad to see me Will a kiss goodnight A kiss timed by the minute If a minutes too long Does the sweet little kiss have the devil in it If we whisper low Things no one else can hear Will my husband know Will he think my vows were insincere Where do you draw the line Between love and adultry If your a friend of mine Can I hold your hand Where do you draw the line Bump de Bump (It's suppose to make you think) Do you think it's O.K. If I tickle your ear this way Or if I lick the lint out of your navel With my tongue Will the neighbors talk will they missconstru And think you are not just my boyfriend But that I am in love with you Where do you draw the line Do you think it's O.K. If our clothes accidentaly fall off When you come over to be comforted Because a family member died Or if we cuddled under the covers of your bed because my heater wasn't working And it was really really really really really really really really cold outside Were the last two people on earth And had to perpetuate the species Or if a mafia hitman ordered us to sleep together on day Or what if the doctor said I had this terrible disease And the only way to cure it would be To take a shower with you naked Where do you draw the line Where do you draw the line Where do you draw the line Thank You (transcribed by tomjody@techline.com)
Subject: Go to Sleep, Little Doggies Go to Sleep, Little Doggies performed by Kyle McLachlan with GE Smith, Phil Harman, and Dana Carvey performed on 29 Sep 1990 (Kyle McLachlan) <Kyle and three others in front of a campfire in cowboy gear. GE plays guitar.> Oh the campfire is glowin' Evening purple shadows driftin by Just another twilight on the cattle trail Underneath the huckleberry sky And the cattle are lowin' Cause they don't know where they're goin' They're heading down the trail to Kansas City, boys, And they're gonna lose their heads and die. (Chorus:) Whoopee Tie Yi Yo Get along little doggies You're gonna lose your heads and die Oh, they take ya little doggies And single-file they walk ya through a door. An automated treadle brings a collar down and then you won't be movin' any more A converyer belt will run ya' To where a bolt through your skull will stun ya' Then they cut your feet off with hydraulic shears And take ya to the killin' floor (Chorus:) Whoopee Tie Yi Yo Get along little doggies You're going to the killing floor. And then they cut 'im from the sternum to his uvula <Backup singers> Uvula And his heart continues pumpin while his blood continues dumpin til he's dead. And then they clean 'em and inspect 'em Stick a hot probe up their rectum: A process that's used now and then But not commercially widespread Go to sleep, little doggies, put your little worries on the shelf Tomorrow afternoon'll be a tough one boys Get some rest, and think'a somehtin' else. Oh ya walked ta Kansas City and you have this cowboy's pity But someone had to lead you to the slaughterhouse Cause you'd never make it by yourself. (Chorus:) Go to sleep Go to sleep, little doggies Put your mind on something else Got to sleep Got to sleep, little doggies. Go to sleep... <end of song> <Kyle removes his hat to reveal a funky haircut and says:> Hi. I'm k.d. lang. Thanks for listenin' (transcribed by greg@girkin.itg.ti.com)
Subject: The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr. The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr. Performed by Dennis Quaid on 15 Dec 1990 (Dennis Quaid) Well, the USA won't take it, That dirt bags' got no class. You can tell Saddam Housein for me, he can kiss my ass! Narr: Finally in one album, all the speciality songs of America's proudest country singer, Cal McClain Jr. Well, the USA ain't backing down, We don't take orders from no nut. Hey there, General Noriega... You can cram it up your butt! Well, the USA has arrived to make you tow the line And all you Granada people... you can stick it where the sun don't shine! Narr: Cal McClain Jr., sings whats on everyones mind, In language that won't leave anyone guessing. Well, the USA's in Southeast Asia, them hippies are getting whinny. Well you can tell the guy from North Vietnam... to shim it up his hinnie, yes you can! Narr: The number 1 country singer, from the number one country - USA. And if you order right away, you get an additional album at no extra cost: 'Cal McClain Jr.: Songs for my ex-wives': Dear Morene, I'm sorry my darling, and though you don't seem to care, But I've still got my pride, and one thing to say... You can stick it up your derriere! Narr: Order now to recieve both albums. Send .95 to: "Messages: the speciality songs of Cal McClain Jr." Lynchburg, Tennesse. Yeah, I hope you like these albums, but if you don't you know what you can do, yeah! (transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
Subject: Turkey Song Turkey Song Performed by Adam Sandler on 23 Nov 1991 (Macaulay Culkin) [spoken] "Yes, I am, Kevin. I've worked all week on my song, and I hope you'll be entertained and a little moved." [singing] Love to eat turkey Love to eat turkey Love to eat turkey cause it's good Love to eat turkey like a good boy should Cause it's turkey to eat, So good A turkey for me, turkey for you, Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe. Love to eat turkey at the table, I once saw a movie with Betty Grable. Eat that turkey all night long, 50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong. Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey dap, I eat the turkey and I take a nap [melody changes] Thanksgiving is a special night Jimmie Walker used to say "Dynomite" That's right! [melody changes back] Turkey with the gravy and the cranberry Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry Turkey for you, turkey for me, Can't believe Tyson gave the girl V.D. Gobble gobble dee, gobble gobble dawkie, I used to go to camp at Lake Winnepesaukee [spoken] Adam: "Come on, Kevin." Kevin: "No, that's okay." Adam: "Oh, it'll be funnn." Kevin: "Okay." [Kevin and Adam singing in (somewhat) unison] Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey duffin, Love to eat turkey with a lot of stuffin' Turkey for me, turkey for you, Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe. Turkey and sweet potato pie, Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye Turkey with the girls, turkey with the boys, My favorite kind of pants are corduoroys Gobble gobble gee, gobble gobble gickle I wish turkeys only cost a nickel. [song slows] Oh, I love turkey .. on Thanksgivingggggg [spoken] Adam: "Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!" (transcribed by Anthony Bonillo <bonilloa@ucs.orst.edu>) (corrections by Christian L Claiborn <claiborn@express.ctron.com>)
Subject: Not Going to Phone it in Tonight Performed by (in order of appearance): Steve Martin, Victoria Jackson, Mike Myers, Julia Sweeney, Tim Meadows, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Kevin Nealon, Joe, Lorne Michaels on 14 Dec 1991 (Steve Martin) SM: Somethings out there. (whistle) Somethings in the air. (whistle) Don't know how, don't know why, got a feeling tonights the night, I'm actually gonna try. Not going to phone it in tonight, not going to go through the motions tonight. This time I'm really gonna do the best I can. Mr. Cue Card Man put those cards down over there, but for some reason tonight I care! VJ: You care? SM: That's right! That's why I'm not gonna phone it in tonight, not going to read my screenplay during the songs tonight. I can walk through my part and still be hilarious, I've done it so often before. But look at these faces, look at this fat guy, he wants more, he wants more! Fat Guy: Hey, I'm not that fat! SM: Please !?! So many times I've faked it, just because I could - I'm that good! VJ: He's that good. SM: But 20% won't do tonight. MM: Mr. Martin, I'll do it for you tonight. JS: Gonna do something different tonight, something says, not to just do Pat tonight. TM: I don't have any lines, I'm not in the show, but something tells me that if I were I'd be rearing to go. CF: Not gonna get liquored up tonight, Not gonna have a drink tonight, I'm not gonna drink, till Update is through, that's a promise to you the viewer. Yeah, after the show, I'll drink till I spew but for now, I'm committed for you. PH: I hide behind these wigs and this makeup, but tonight I'm gonna let my self shine through, Yes, Their going to see the real Phil Hartman tonight! SM: I wouldn't do that Phil. PH: OK. SM: Follow me everyone, let's go make an effort! All: Not going to have dead air tonight, Gonna seem as if we care tonight. KN: But Steve, why do you care, aren't you rich? SM: I'm worth 17 million, I could buy and sell you and you and you a thousand times over, but tonight there's a show to do. Joe: Five minutes till monologue, Mr. Martin. SM: Thanks, Joe. Joe: I can't ever get fired, I've got a union job, but somehow tonight it doesn't matter that I'm in with the mob. Stagehands: Gonna move our big lard asses tonight Gonna move our fat Teamster asses tonight! SM: Make way. LM: Steve, what's going on? SM: Oh, we're going to do our best tonight, Lorne. LM: Why, the shows on automatic pilot, I don't even come in until Saturday. SM: Lorne don't you see, that's not the way it was in the 70's. Back in the 70's, people cared. They... they believed in something. Now it's the 80's and everythings... yuppie, yuppie, yuppie,... spend, spend spend. LM: Steve, it's the 90's. SM: Whatever. The point is... (Singing again) I've always wanted to see, how good I could be, I just want to know... LM: (in fake opera voice) Then go, Steve, go and do a great show! SM: Thank you Lorne. I've never felt so alive! God, I feel young again, I feel... 38! Come on everybody... All: We're going to learn our lines, do our parts well, then we'll go back to coasting, but not while Steve's host, Cause we're not gonna phone it in tonight Not going to screw up one line tonight. SM: I made it happen! ALL: Steve made it happen. SM: Now it is time. Live from New York... (pause) Line!... It's Saturday Night! (transcribed by: Michelle Wetherholt) (corrections by: Arnold LS <arnoldls@aol.com>
Subject: Girl Girl Performed by Dana Carvey, Jason Priestly, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, and Mike Myers on 15 Feb 1992 (Jason Priestly) Arsenio (Chris Rock): Now don't leave us hanging with just that. JP: Yeah, I hear that, Arsenio. Yo guys, lets kick it! (Music starts playing) Yo now, before we start singing, You also want to know in addition to writing our own songs, we also do our own choreography. JP: Girl, I can't stop thinking of you girl, Y-O-U, spells girl. Woke up this morning, put on my own clothes, cause the ladys' not here, to help us no more. Went down to the store, I got myself some juice, its tasted good and fresh and I love you. All: Girl, you are wicked awesome. DC: I buttoned up my own shirt, whew! All: Because, you girl... RS: Whenever I make my own plane reservations... All: I think of you girl, cause girl you are wicked awesome! AS: My name is Donny, and I'm here to say They call me Donny, cause that's my name. Banana's are good in every way, An apple a day, keeps the doctor away, Purina Cat Chow - All: Chow, chow, chow. AS: If my friends could only see me now, I'm walking, I'm talking, McCauly Caukin, Roger Clemmons was called for walking. Word, Sister! All: 1, 2, Dosey dow, dosey dow. All: You are... wicked awesome! AS: Peace. (transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt) (corrections by LZealand@aol.com)
Subject: The Boulevard of Broken Balls The Boulevard of Broken Balls Performed by Christopher Walken on 24 Oct 1992 (Christopher Walken) Temptation lingers in the lamplight, Upon her lips a shadow falls. She loves to flirt, she loves to tease, Beneath her skirt, some new disease. The Boulevard of Broken Balls. Her lovers lurk in every doorway With prices written on the walls So if you're rich and have the cash, You'll get an itch, you'll get a rash. The Boulevard of Broken Balls. You hear the whispers in the darkness The laughter echoes and enthralls They're taking bets you'll never know, Your gigalette's a gigolo, The Boulevard of Broken Balls She leaves a token of your romance, A souvenir that hops and crawls. You bring the crabs home to your wife, She stabs you with a butcher knife. The Boulevard of Broken Balls. (transcribed by Cristobal Joseevich Junta <grisha@athena.mit.edu>) (corrections by Bob <bamini@jpmorgan.com>) (corrections by C. J. Burke <cjbure@io.com>)
Subject: Red Hooded Sweatshirt Red Hooded Sweatshirt Performed by Adam Sandler on 13 Feb 1993 (Alec Baldwin) My mom bought you when I was just 13, the brightest red sweatshirt I ever seen. She got an extra large so I wouldn't grow out, "That's too big for you!" the other kids would shout. But we stuck together, we didn't quit, and now the children say, "What a perfect fit." I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded sweeeeatshirt dip dip dip sweeeeatshirt shama lama ding dong sweeeeatshirt. I like to rest my hands in your kangaroo pouch, it makes them feel comfy like a big soft couch. And I don't care if the weather's no good, I say "See you later rain" as I pull up my hood. Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap?, I used you as a pillow on that Spanish lady's lap. I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded sweeeeatshirt dip dip dip sweeeeatshirt shama lama ding dong sweeeeatshirt. Oh what is it about you that makes me so jolly?, Is it your fifty cotton or your fifty poly? I don't knoooooooww ohh ohh hoo hoo hoo. Oh red hooded sweatshirt we been through a lot together like that time I played in that shirts and skins basketball game and I had to take you off and throw you in the corner of the gym. I was midway through the game and then I saw you looking at me. You were staring as if to say "Adam, you suck at basketball, you dribble like a damn woman." I was so mad I challenged you to a game of one on one and you know sweatshirt, even though I beat you 11 to 9, deep in my soul I know you missed those lay-ups on purpose. You let me win and that why (Kevin, please help me out) I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded <kevin nealon> sweeeeatshirt dip dip dip <kevin nealon> sweeeeatshirt shama lama ding dong <kevin nealon> sweeeeatshirt. Come on audience members, help me out here. I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded <unknown audience member> sweeeeatshirt dip dip dip <paul mccartney> sweeeeatshirt shama lama ling dong <linda mccartney> sweeeeatshirt. I love you sooooooooooo. Happy Valentine's Everybody! (transcribed by Doug Krause <dijon@lido.com>)
Subject: Mother's Day Song Mother's Day Song Performed by Adam Sandler on 08 May 1993 (Christina Applegate) Mama was the one who reached down and tied my shoelace. Mama spit on her fingers and used it to clean dirt off my face. Brush your teeth, Q-tip your ear, take off your sister's new brassiere. Watch PBS, not Deputy Dawg, don't you eat that Lincoln Log. Oh mama I still don't believe it's true: The tooth fairy was you. No Way! I love you maaaaaama, more than than paaaastrama, way more than Jeffrey Daaaahma, even more than my NFL paaaaajamas. Mama always calmed down dad when he got too mean. Like the time he almost hit me for stealing his Juggs magazine. Stop your jumping, you'll break the bed. Don't you fill up on the bread. Take those Take those (trying to read cue card) Take ... carrots out of your nose, that's not a hat that's pantyhose. Don't play baseball in your suit, that Magnum PI's very cute. Don't forget Vick's Vapor-rub, stop masturbating in the tub. Thanks for making corn beef hash, and putting powder on my rash. (So much better.) I love you maaaaaama, more than golf with Arnold Paaaaalmaaaa, more than yellow moons in Lucky Chaaaaamaaaas, Def Leppard's drummer only had one aaaaaaamaaa. Oh, Mrs. Nealon, yes it's true, Kevin's gonna sing to you. Come on Kevin. I love you maaaaaama (kevin) Come on, keep goin'. More than films by Brian DePaaaaalmaaaa. (kevin) Thanks for being my date to the praaaaamaaaa. Thanks for writing that note to the draft board that said I was gay so I got out of Vietnaaaamaaa. (kevin) Mom your way better than the World Trade Center baaaaamaaaa. Who's name by the way is Mohamed Salaaaamaaa. (kevin) I love you even more than Richard Gere loves the Dali Laaaaahmaaa. And Richard Gere was also good in "Sommersby", which was a melodraaaamaa. (kevin) Oh, all you moms out there oughta know, we kids love you so. Have a Happy Mother's Day. Thank you very much! Thank you! Adam Saaaandlaaa. (kevin) (transcribed by Doug Krause <dijon@lido.com>)
Subject: Play On, Michael Play On, Michael Performed by (in order of appearance): Kevin Nealon, David Spade, and Aerosmith on 09 Oct 1993 (Jeff Goldblum) Oh, I've seen Magic and I've seen Bird, I saw Kareem retire but I never said a word, but I always thought I see you play one more time again. Runaway, Mike better come back, got season tickets, can't get my money back. Don't you know that you're so crowd pleasing, Won't you stick around for one more season? Play on, play one more year play for the fans and play for the cheers. Play the Sonics, play the Knicks too, Even the Celtics, we'll still root for you. I've seen you score 500 points. Want to see you score 500 more. Just to be a man, you should take it from a man. Score 1,000 points on a basketball court. Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jordon, Micheal Jordan. Micheal, A, Micheal, O, Micheal Jordan. Oh, Yippe yo, yippe yay, Keep Jordon in the muther!!! ?/&^% house. Micheal Jordan, where you think your going With your tongue hanging out and your bald head showin'? Don't you know you're in a higher class, come back before a pimp slap your ?/&^%. Ee, Oh, yamma yamma, are you good enough, Please don't quit yet Micheal, oh yeah. Oh, Ah, Oh, lamma beda bota, Your the best dribbler, oh yeah. Oh, Ah, Oh, lamma beda bota, Who's Pippen gonna pass to, oh yeah. Oh, Ye, Er, Yamma dinga dungo, It's so boring, oh yeah. Play on, play one more year. Play against ??? play against Laimbeer. Take the basketball, throw it through the hoop, Do a 360 and slam it a-la-oop. He's out playing is as big as a whale, Everybodys playing, everybodys saying things Michael don't forget about your endorsement money. Everybodys playing, everybodys saying Won't you sleep on this. Micheal baby, won't you sleep on it? Won't you sleep on it, and give us an answer in the morning. Won't you sleep on this. Michael baby, won't you sleep on it? Won't you sleep on it, and give us an answer in the morning. Play on for one more year. One thing seems very, very clear. Play on, play on, PLAY ON, PLAY ON, Play on Michael, Play on! (transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt) (corrections by Jeffrey E. Neau) (corrections by Jason Nafziger <nafziger.5@osu.edu>)
Subject: Santa Song Santa Song Performed by Adam Sandler on 11 Dec 1993 (Sally Field) So many presents, so little time, Santa won't be coming around my house this year, 'cos I tried to drown my sister and I pierced my ear, Oh mama made it perfectly clear, Santa don't like bad boys...especially Jewish ones. Gnip-gnop and lego blocks are all that I desire, so why did I have to set the pizza guy's hair on fire, I told him I was sorry, I'm a liar, so no toys for me...I don't deserve them. I couldn't wait for a big wheel as the holiday neared, but then I told my grandma that she had a beard. Dear Santa, I know what my problem is, why I can't be good, it's a fear of intimacy. You see my whole life whenever I've met someone really great like you and I keep feeling like I'm getting close to them, something inside me makes me want to screw it up. So in a weird way the reason I'm so bad is because I love you santa. Rock-em Sock-em Robots is what I was hoping for, but then I made a death threat to vice president Gore, oh santa won't be knocking on my door, 'cos he's a big fat whore...what made me say that? Chutes and ladders would be so good indeed, so why'd I have to sell that cop a bag of weed, so Santa please give me that easy bake oven, I swear I thought billy goats we're made for lovin'. So Santa won't you accept my apologies, Santa can't you see I'm begging you please, oh Santa next year I'll do you right, Live from New York it's Saturday night... (transribed by Neil Mackie <nmack@lamar.ColoState.EDU>) (corrections by John J Cassidy <cassidy@cps.msu.edu>)
Subject: Lunch Lady Land Lunch Lady Land Performed by Adam Sandler on 15 Jan 1994 (Sara Gilbert) Sandler: This is a song about the high school experience sung through the eyes of the person who more than anyone else puts young people on the right path. I'm not talking about the teachers, I'm not talking about the coaches, I'm not even talking about the guidence coun- selors. I'm talking about a person we call.. The Lunch Lady. Woke up in the morning, put on my new plastic glove. Served some reheated salsbury steak with a little slice of love. I got no clue what the chicken pot pie is made of.. Just know everything's doing fine down here in... LUNCHLADY LAND Well I wear this net on my head..cuz my red hair is fallin' out. I wear these brown orthapedic shoes cuz I got a bad case of the gout. I know you want seconds on the corn dogs, but there's no reason to shout. Everybody gets enough food down here in the magical.. LUNCHLADY LAND. (G. E. Smith & band joins in) Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes. And my breath reaks of tuna and there's lots of black hairs comin' out of my nose. AH Hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders navy beans, navy beans, navy beans, navy beans. hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders navy beans, navy beans..MEATLOAF SANDWICH. Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah sloppy joe slop sloppy joe ooh-yeah (with Chris Farley) sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah sloppy joe slop sloppy joe -YEAH Then one morning that I woke up to see aw the pepperoni pizza was lookin at me. It screamed why do you burn me and serve me up cold, I said a I got the spatula- just do what you're told. And the liver and onions started joining the fight and the chocolate pudding pushed me with all its might and the chop suey slapped me and it kicked me in the head -it's called revenge LunchLady said the garlic bread I said what did I do to make you all so mad? You got flabby arms and your breath is bad. And the green beans said you better run and hide but then my friend Sloppy Joe came and joined my side. He said if it wasn't for the Lunch Lady the kids wouldn't eat ya You should be shakin' her hand and sayin' pleased to meet ya She gives you a purpose and she gives you a goal You should be kissin' her feet or kissin' her mole Now all the angry food just leave me alone, And we all live together in our happy home a thanks to Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe ooh yeah Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah (slower)Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe well.. Me and Sloppy Joe got married. We got six kids and we're doin' just fine. Down in Lunch Lady Land OHH WOAH! (transcribed by Richard Wludyga <wludygr@alleg.EDU>) (corrections by Doug Krause <dijon@lido.com>)
Subject: The Hannukah Song The Hannukah Song Performed by Adam Sandler on 03 Dec 1994 (Roseanne) Chorus: Put on your yamukah Here comes Hannukah So much funnukah To celebrate Hannukah Hannukah is: the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents We have eight crazy nights When you feel like/the only kid in town Without a Christmas tree Here's a list of people that are Jewish like you and me: David Lee Roth lights the menorah So do Kirk Douglas, James Caan and the late Dinah Shorah Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli? Bowser from Sha-Na-Na And Arthur Fonzarelli! Paul Newman's half Jewish and Goldie Hawn's half, too Put them together, What a fine looking Jew! You don't need to Deck the Halls Or Jingle Bell Rock, 'Cause you can spin the dreidel With Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock! [Chorus] O.J. Simpson [not a Jew] But guess who is? Hall of Famer Rod Carew [He converted] We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby, Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish Not too shabby Some people think Ebenezer Scrooge is Well, he's not, but guess who is -- All three Stooges! [Chorus] So many Jews are in Show Biz Tom Cruise isn't but I think his agent is Tell your friend Veronica It's time to celebrate Hanukkah I hope I get a harmonica On this lovely lovely Hanukkah So drink your gin and tonica But don't smoke marijuanica If you really really wannika Have a Happy Happy Happy Happy Hanukkah Happy Hannukah Everybody! Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah! (transcribed by Michael Bauer <FASK37A@prodigy.com>) (corrections by James Kass <kassj@village.ios.com>) (corrections by ELL11@aol.com)
Subject: Recurring Characters Song Recurring Characters Song date performed unknown Performers: Cajun Man - Adam Sandler Frankenstein - Phil Hartman Frans - Kevin Nealon Hollywood Min. - David Spade Jan Brady - Melanie Hutsell Name Guy (Rich)- Rob Schneider Pat Riley - Julia Sweeney Queen Shanequa - Ellen Cleghorn Stuart Smalley - Al Franken Super Fans - Chris Farley & ? Wayne Campbell - Mike Myers Queen Shanequa: We can't be standing back child We gotta get up our spirits and stand. Pat: So persons of all colors and sexes, inside we're all the same. Super Fans: We can't keep relying of Coach Ditka, he's just one man my friend. ?: Let's stay calm, we will not burn, and let the fighting end. All: Make tomorrow's future a better day Let's increase the peace and we'll all be glad We're making a choice, to heal the wounds. We're in this together: Frankenstein: Fire, BAD! Stuart Smalley: We musn't be rage-a-holics, we must find our inner child. Frankenstein: Fin our inna chid! Jan Brady: I've got three brothers and two sisters and we never get that wild. Cajun Man: Compassion, communication, we must fight descrimination. Frans: Hear us now and believe us later Wayne: We're in a most heinous spot Frans: I could very easily set fire, to your puny licking store Wayne: So lets settle this with violence - NOT! All: Make tomorrow's future a better day We are our brothers and sisters and we'll all be hap Let's increase the peace, can't we all get along? We're making a choice: Frankenstein: Fire, BAD! ?: We must end this racial split. Hollywood Minute: It's called love - Look into it. Rich: Rodney King, the King-meister, King Rodney The Organinator Peace - Peace-A-Rama! Make tomorrow's future a better day Can we not be mad. Like our characters have a reoccuring theme Lets go hand in hand. Frankenstein: Fire, BAD! All: Fire, BAD! Frankenstein: Fire, BAD! All: Fire, BAD! Frankenstein: Fire, BAD! All: Fire, BAD! Cajun Man: You descrimination Jan Brady: Brotherhood, brotherhood, brotherhood. Super Fans: The Bears! (transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
Subject: HOW TO GET THE SNL SONG LYRICS ARCHIVE If this document is out of date, the latest version can be obtained from one of these sources: ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/ ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics.Z http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics/faq.html Please send any corrections or new information to snl-faq@lido.com. -- Doug Krause dijon@lido.com http://www.lido.com/ "The circle is now complete. The Circle of Life!" -Mufasa Vader

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