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alt.tv.mad-about-you Episode Guide for Season #2


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Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season2
Posting-frequency: quarterly
Last-modified: 97-01-05
Version: 5.1
URL: http://www.alumni.caltech.edu/~witelski/may-eg2.html
Copyright: (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ramax@ultranet.com]

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Episode Guide for Season #2 of "Mad About You"
for the Usenet newsgroup alt.tv.mad-about-you

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Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season2
Posting-frequency: quarterly
Last-modified: 97-01-05
Version: 5.1

----------------------------------------------------------------

This Episode Guide for the TV Comedy show "Mad About You" is,
as a collection of information,
Copyright (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ramax@ultranet.com],
Douglas B. Robertson [dr@fermi.tiger.ab.ca],
Catherine Chan [cchan@io.org] and
Eugene Wang [eggbert@cs.bu.edu].
All Rights Reserved.

This document may be freely distributed in electronic form for
personal use only, provided it is distributed in its entirety
and with all original author and copyright information intact.
Distribution by any other means must be by permission of the
copyright holder. This material is for non-commercial use only
and any sale for profit is expressly forbidden. It may not be
included in any commercial documents, archives or CD-ROMs, nor
uploaded to any BBS or online service without the permission
of the copyright holder. The removal of this copyright notice
is prohibited.

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The MAY Episode Guides:

Episode Guide for Season #1
Episode Guide for Season #2
Episode Guide for Season #3
Episode Guide for Season #4
Episode Guide for Season #5

----------------------------------------------------------------

     The  Second  Season

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Table of Contents

  Cast of Characters
  Supporting Characters
  The Production Team

  2.1  (202)   93-09-16   Murray's Tale [Season Opener]
  2.2  (201)   93-09-23   Bing Bang Boom
  2.3  (203)   93-09-30   Bedfellows
  2.4  (205)   93-10-07   Married to the Job
  2.5  (204)   93-10-14   So I Married a Hair Murderer
  2.6  (207)   93-10-28   The Unplanned Child
  2.7  (206)   93-11-04   Natural History
  2.8  (209)   93-11-11   Surprise
  2.9  (210)   93-11-18   A Pair Of Hearts
  2.10 (208)   93-12-02   It's a Wrap
  2.11 (211)   93-12-09   Edna Returns
  2.12 (212)   94-01-06   Paul is Dead
  2.13 (213)   94-01-13   Same Time Next Week
  2.14 (214)   94-01-27   The Late Show
  2.15 (216)   94-02-03   Virtual Reality
  2.16 (218)   94-02-10   Cold Feet
  2.17 (215)   94-02-14   Instant Karma
  2.18 (217)   94-02-24   The Tape
  2.19 (219)   94-03-10   Love Letters
  2.20 (220)   94-04-07   The Last Scampi
  2.21 (222)   94-04-28   Disorientation
  2.22 (221)   94-05-05   Storms We Cannot Weather
  2.23 (225)   94-05-12   Up All Night
  2.24 (223/4) 94-05-19   With This Ring [Season Finale]

----------------------------------------------------------------

Telecasts in Syndication:

     As of September 1996, episodes from this season are being
     aired in syndication in North America, with approximately
     1 minute of content snipped from the original telecasts
     in 1993-94. An exception to this rule is the addition of
     a Tease to the Season Finale (now being shown as two
     separate half-hour episodes) Episode 2.24 Part I.
     Check your local TV listings for the station, days and
     times of telecast.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Cast of Characters

  Paul Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . .  Paul Reiser
  Jamie Buchman  . . . . . . . . . . .  Helen Hunt
  Lisa Stemple . . . . . . . . . . . .  Anne Ramsay
  Fran Devanow . . . . . . . . . . . .  Leila Kenzle
  Ira Buchman  . . . . . . . . . . . .  John Pankow
  Murray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Maui

Supporting Characters

  Mark Devanow . . . . . . . . . . . .  Richard Kind
  Burt Buchman, Paul's father  . . . .  Louis Zorich
  Sylvia Buchman, Paul's mother  . . .  Cynthia Harris
  Sharon, Paul's elder sister  . . . .  Randy Graff
  Debbie, Paul's younger sister  . . .  Talia Balsam   (I)
                                        Robin Bartlett (II)
  Jed, Debbie's son  . . . . . . . . .  Bradley Pierce
  Noah, Debbie's son . . . . . . . . .  Andrew J. Ferchland
  Marianne Lugasso, Ira's ex-wife  . .  Cyndi Lauper

  Warren, Paul's editor/cameraman  . .  Steven Wright
  Lou Bonaparte, Paul's producer . . .  Larry Miller
  Remy, Paul's assistant . . . . . . .  Marva Hicks

  Maggie Conway, neighbour in 11-C . .  Judy Geeson
  Ursula, waitress at Riff's . . . . .  Lisa Kudrow
  Kim, the grocer  . . . . . . . . . .  Darrell Kunitomi
  Bill Wicker, the super . . . . . . .  Jerry Adler
  Eddie, the doorman . . . . . . . . .  Lou Cutell

----------------------------------------------------------------

2.1        Murray's Tale [Season Opener]

  Lisa takes Murray out for a walk and returns with a dog that
  obviously isn't him. Meanwhile Paul and Jamie contact the cops
  and everyone else joins in the hunt for real Murray.

  Written by:  Billy Grundfest
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tease:       Reasoning with Murray to get off the couch.
  Tag:         Reasoning with Murray to get off the bed.
  Word:        Dysphoric.
  Keys:  Hiding brownies, stuck buzzer, cans of peas, the head
         signal, Filipino guy, begging, woofing and dancing
         Murray, riding in tandem, the peripheral visionary,
         48-hour wait (except for dogs), Lisa using Ira first,
         Murray the Dog, Paul and the Amazon Jamie, Lisa and
         Murray-ness, on being family.

  - Jamie: "So I have Murray-ness?"
    Paul:  "You do. You really do."
    Jamie: "You were very close to the edge there!"
    Paul:  "But I pulled it off!"
  - Janey: [preparing to leave] "Simon! Go get the elevator!"
    Paul:  "Thank you very much."
    Jamie: "Thank you so much. Nice to meet you."
    Paul:  "Bye now."
    Jamie: "Bye-bye! [closing the door] Ech! Get out of my house!"

  Supporting Cast: Warren
  Guest Characters:
  Simon  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Maui
  Sgt. Panino  . . . . . . . . . . .  Jerry Adler
  Saul Beckner . . . . . . . . . . .  David Ellzey
  Janey Beckner  . . . . . . . . . .  Nancy Kerr


2.2        Bing Bang Boom

  Phone calls, noisy neighbors and an invisible mouse being chased by
  Murray are some of distractions Paul and Jamie face while struggling
  to find romance during a long-awaited evening together.

  Written by:  Billy Grundfest and Paul Reiser
  Directed by: Lee Shallat
  Tease:       Jamie asking Paul to check the front door.
  Tag:         On-camera disclaimers (his hair will grow back).
  Expression:  "Let it go!"
  Keys:  The electric blanket, excessive floss, Yachting and the
         Portuguese fur trade, opening shot of "New York At Night,"
         the grand chase, Run,run,run,boom!, the funny bone,
         the belly-button and Belgian chocolates, Yelling like
         Ralph Kramden, Lisa's fortune cookies (on spec), top
         2 shelves, jogging Fran, feeling the ass, Paul's red
         ears, Jamie's blinking thing, the diary, 3 balloons for
         starters, seeing Casablanca for the first time, taped
         over with Oprah.

  - Paul:  "You know what? I think the world can live
           without us for two minutes!"
    Jamie: "Two minutes?"
    Paul:  "Two minutes... it's an expression!"


2.3        Bedfellows

  A suspected heart attack sends Paul's father to the hospital,
  leaving his mother home alone, until Jamie tries to score
  some much needed "points" with her mother-in-law.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tease:       Murray and Jamie watching a Bogie movie while
                 Paul marches by singing "Boola Boola!"
                 (Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs).
  Keys:  Four tries at the omelette, riding with the cops,
         diced like a scallion, betting on blood pressure,
         sweet Lisa, Playboy under the twin bed, crammed
         like mackerels, the 17-year drought continues,
         three bullseyes without reloading, the heartbeat
         monitor goes mile-a-minute, mile-a-minute.
         Sylvia Buchman finally makes her debut.
         Sharon makes her only appearance.

  - Sylvia: [to Jamie in bed] "Don't encourage him."
    Paul:   "Don't listen to her, encourage me.
            [they start kissing] I'm getting very encouraged!"
    Jamie:  "I can feel!"
  - Lisa:   "Tongue! I remembered Burt likes tongue."
    Sylvia: "Oh, you're so thoughtful! 
            [to Burt] You're not eating tongue."
    Burt:   "I *am* eating it!"
    Paul:   "Ma..."
    Sylvia: "Don't 'Ma' me! I don't interfere in your marriage!"
            [and Paul saves the day]
  - Sharon: "Oh-my-God! She's going to kill him!
            She's going to kill him and come live with me!"

  Supporting Cast: Burt.
  Guest Characters:
  Sylvia Buchman, Paul's mother . . .  Cynthia Harris
  Sharon, Paul's elder sister . . . .  Randy Graff
  The Nurse . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Francesca P. Roberts
  Harold, the orderly . . . . . . . .  Valente Rodriguez


2.4        Married to the Job

  An evening out at Riff's sees Paul complaining about his
  meddlesome new producer, and Jamie venting about her same
  old credit-grabbing boss, who happens to be seated nearby.

  Written by:  Russ Woody
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tease:       Murray monitoring calls from Paul and Jamie.
  Keys:  Paul's new Producer (an accountant) hovers, Jamie's
         Central American Tourism campaign: "Come take your
         chances" or "Come home to the Equator," the missing
         fork, Arthur Treacher's, a gotten woman, wife built
         like Don Shula, the big spray, no way out, smoking a
         cigarette out of the window, the Vietnam War enters
         the picture, a 6-pack of Cremora and the fax machine.
         Remy, Lou Bonaparte and Ursula make their debuts.

  - Lou:   "Hey! What's this?"
    Paul:  "It's film."
    Lou:   "No, no, these holes on the sides."
    Paul:  "Sprockets?"
  - Paul:  "You know what? You should... did I just taste
            a cigarette?"
    Jamie: "No! I had cajun for lunch!"

  Supporting Cast: Eddie.
  Guest Characters:
  Remy, Paul's assistant  . . . . . .  Marva Hicks
  Lou Bonaparte, Paul's producer  . .  Larry Miller
  Ursula, waitress at Riff's  . . . .  Lisa Kudrow
  Jack Farrer . . . . . . . . . . . .  Ken Jenkins
  Ricky, Jamie's assistant  . . . . .  Cameron Thor


2.5        So I Married a Hair Murderer

  Paul is anything but pleased with Jamie who just has too much free
  time on her hands, and uses it to cut his hair and his film, and
  worse, improves on the original cut.

  Written by:  Andrew Gordon and Eileen Conn
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tease:       Writing a resume after 8 years at Farrer, Gantz.
  Tag:         Jamie Buchman, window cleaner.
  Word:        Mingling.
  Keys:  Jane Austen's works, Geraldo, Italian lessons,
         rearranged furniture, Murray with 4-wheel drive,
         Martini shaken or stirred, high heels, Vacuu-trim II
         (the Ginsu knife of hair-styling), the 8-minute snip,
         Lisa the bobcat, Murray's sweater, The Three Stooges.

  - Warren: "Hey, Paul! I can see you!"
  - Lou:    "Say, what does this button do?"
    Warren: "Nothing. Unless you touch it."
    Lou:    [too late] "Oh, oh!"
  - Lou:    "What does it mean when a woman keeps saying
            she just wants to be friends?"
    Jamie:  "No sex."
    Lou:    "Thought-so!"

  Supporting Cast: Warren and Lou.
  Guest Characters:
  Street Character ("NY At Night") .  Bud Sabatino
  Waitress at Riff's . . . . . . . .  Marjorie Wellin


2.6        The Unplanned Child

  Paul's shooting schedule leaves it all upto Jamie to go out
  trick-or-treating with his 7-year-old nephew, whose 2-hour
  visit Paul forgot to mention to her, and it lasts a lot longer.

  Written by:  Jack Burditt
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tag:         Lou Bonaparte singing a candy-corn song.
  Words:       Pell-mell, willy-nilly, helter-skelter.
  Expressions: "Guys! It happens!" and "My fault!"
  Keys:  Shooting the Halloween parade, a business funeral,
         the Escobar brothers: Matty, Felipe and Jesus, the
         receding hairline, Larry at video store, the late
         charge, the drifting appointment with Fran, eating
         butter, Game Boy addiction, the big spill, Aladdin
         with Murray the camel, strikeout at 11-C, the Bosnia
         relief effort, a reckoning on the roof.
         Debbie makes her debut.
         Her son Jed makes his only appearance.

  - Jamie:  "Every year on Halloween the kids go door to door
            and you give them candy."
    Maggie: "Why?"
    Jamie:  "It's a tradition."
    Maggie: "Well, I may have a pudding or something."
    Jamie:  "That's okay, see you later."
    Maggie: [looking on as Murray the camel ambles away]
            "Is the dog all right?"
  - Jamie:  "Your nephew is so sweet, my uterus hurts!"
  - Paul:   "We weren't so good at us right away either."
    Jamie:  [after a moment's reflection] "That's true."
    Paul:   "Yes, finally you straightened out,
            which helped a lot."
    Jamie:  "Ya, ya, ya!"

  Supporting Cast: Remy, Lou and Maggie.
  Guest Characters:
  Debbie, Paul's younger sister . . .  Talia Balsam (I)
  Jed, Debbie's son . . . . . . . . .  Bradley Pierce
  Video Vogue manager . . . . . . . .  Ryan Stiles
  Dutch, the clerk  . . . . . . . . .  Steve Paymer
  Neighbor in 9-D . . . . . . . . . .  Aaron Lustig


2.7        Natural History

  What brought Jamie and Paul together?  Was it fate or a big
  coincidence?  Jamie's belief that it was fate annoys Paul no end,
  who is already mad that she is spending more time with Lisa rather
  than with him.

  Written by:  Steve Paymer
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tease:       Paul freeing himself from a sleeping Jamie
                 to reach for the slice of cake.
  Tag:         Paul to Dinosaur: "Sit!"
  Expression:  "Never going to happen, my friend!"
  Keys:  The fight over fate, the first free Saturday in
         five weeks, never confirmed (unlike TWA), a lift
         uptown by subway, knee burns vs. pinned down,
         cramps and the amazing scream, Lisa's blind date,
         Ira's quest for Ursula, from Riff's to museum tour
         guide (but only from the beginning), bumping into
         people, the dislocated tooth, not the Guggenheim,
         the two banned hooligans not making a break for it,
         the flashback, the black-out and previous rendezvous
         at the Museum of Natural History.

  - Fran:  "You guys are lucky to have each other."
    Jamie: "No, we are not. It's more than luck ... 
            Sometimes when two people meet, it is more than that."
    Fran:  "You're probably right."
    Jamie: "Only he doesn't think so!" [leaves the room]
    Lisa:  "Because he's a jerk."
    Fran:  "Sometimes you're just on different wavelengths."
    Lisa:  "You know Fran, you're always defending Paul,
            but you don't have to live with him like we do."
  - Paul:  "She already said she was busy."
    Ira:   "When?"
    Paul:  "In front of the pterodactyls and then again she
            said she was busy in front of the paleozoic mollusks."
    Ira:   "So what?"
    Paul:  "So, must you be humiliated era by era?"
  - Paul:  "I got it... I got it!"

  Supporting Cast: Ursula
  Guest Characters:
  Jim, Lisa's blind date . . . . . . .  Ralph Bruneau
  Museum guard . . . . . . . . . . . .  Ron Frazier
  Tourist from Tampa . . . . . . . . .  Shirley Prestia
  Young Paul . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Jordan Oschin
  Young Jamie  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Lyndsay Riddle
  Young Lisa . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Alexandra Currie
  Young Ira  . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Thomas Tulak


2.8        Surprise

  Jamie suspects a party but that is not what has been arranged for
  her birthday by Paul, who gets separated from her on the subway
  en route to the surprise.

  Story by:    Beth Fieger Falkenstein
  Teleplay by: Jeffrey Lane
  Directed by: Lee Shallat
  Tease:       Jamie watching herself turn 30 at 2:01 AM.
  Tag:         "Final Frontier" sung by the Suave singers.
  Expressions: "Duh!" and "Nice try"
  Keys:  Favorite breakfast (Eggs Benedict), answering machine
         from Sylvia to her son's wife (the retrieval code is
         4 plus Dave DeBusschere's jersey), shoes from Ira
         (retail), tickets to non-adjacent seats, Ira's
         waterbed, Lisa's aging logic, eating off the knife,
         stay here or Union Square, the collapsed heel,
         quarter-out buck-in, juggling and the distraction,
         pass on Rainbow Room, finally seated together.

  - Jamie: "What about my hair?"
    Paul:  "Bring it!"
    Jamie: "What if everyone else but me has dressy hair?"
    Paul:  "Then... well, then they'll point and laugh!"

  Guest Characters:
  Ricky, at St. James' box office . .  John Fleck
  Max, a passenger  . . . . . . . . .  Mark Schiff
  The vegetarian  . . . . . . . . . .  Bill Ingram
  The Sauve singers . . . . . . . . .  Kevin Womeck,
                                         Bryant Woodart,
                                         Adam la Baud
  The Jugglers  . . . . . . . . . . .  Steven John Cohen
                                         and partner.


2.9        A Pair Of Hearts

  A free weekend in Atlantic City has been mysteriously arranged
  for Jamie & Paul and Fran & Ira, by Ira's wife as it turns out,
  now a casino hostess who wants Ira to sign divorce papers.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson
  Directed by: Tom Moore
  Tease:       Looking for something in the fridge... what?
  Tag:         Accepting an Indecent Proposal.
  Keys:  A ruse, a con, a scam, a flim-flam, looking at hookers,
         missing the jackpot, Fran wins, 5th Grade valentines,
         kissing lessons, taking the house for 7 bills, Jamie's
         T-shirt (stolen from Paul), the untenable friends thing.
         Marianne Lugasso makes her debut.

  - Jamie: "Don't sit here all night by yourself and get drunk!"
    Ira:   "Have you tried it?"
    Jamie: "No."
    Ira:   "Then don't knock it." [Jamie leaves and returns]
    Jamie: [tossing a T-shirt] "It's mine, in case you get cold."
    Ira:   "How come every time I meet a great girl, she's in
            love with my cousin?"
    Jamie: [pensively] "Good night."
  - Ira:   "You won't tell anyone?"
    Fran:  "Who am I going to tell?"
    Ira:   "Them."
    Fran:  "I won't tell her if you won't tell him."
    Ira:   "Deal!"
    Fran:  "Can we shake on it?"
    Ira:   [shaking hands] "I'll start anyway you want."

  Guest Characters:
  Marianne Lugasso  . . . . . . . . .  Cyndi Lauper
  Al, at the tables . . . . . . . . .  Keone Young
  The Gambler . . . . . . . . . . . .  Patrick Neil Quinn


2.10       It's a Wrap

  An unemployed Jamie is envious of Paul whose work is something
  he loves to do, while Paul feels betrayed by his producer Lou,
  who is now tampering with Paul's latest labor of love.

  Written by:  Andrew Gordon and Eileen Conn
  Directed by: Tom Moore
  Tease:       Fran wailing at the theatre.
  Tag:         Paul narrating the credits to Lou on the phone:
                 "Show the guy on the phone, then the sound of
                  the race-track, do the thing with the hands,
                  and then the stupid horse with wings."
  Keys:  Irish cop with a French accent, being a Suit, three whole
         minutes off the montage, Hitch on Nick, Fran & Lou and
         Jamie & Paul at Riff's, zitti is tubes, meat and blood,
         chicken and trout, cinnamon toast, the 2 TV Guides, on
         getting Ira, stealing back the tape, Fran lets Jamie win,
         off-beat occupations, going back to college.

  - Paul:  "Okay then, if you're happy then I'm happy.
            That's the deal."
    Jamie: "Are you sure?"
    Paul:  "Ya, well, as sure as a person like me could be."
    Jamie: "Thank you."
    Paul:  "Wow. Listen, how many married men get to sleep
            with a pretty college girl?" [they kiss]
    Jamie: "I love you!"
    Paul:  "Baby, I'm the greatest!"

  Supporting Cast: Ursula and Lou.
  Guest Character:
  Bob, the security guard . . . . . .  Larry Hankin


2.11       Edna Returns

  Lisa acquires her 15 minutes of fame under a pseudonym in her
  shrink's book, and Paul is caught is the middle of the sibling
  squabble that follows when Jamie takes exception to being called
  Lisa's overbearing sister.

  Story by:    Jack Burditt
  Teleplay by: Andrew Gordon and Eileen Conn
  Directed by: Tom Moore
  Tease:       Paul comparing his chin to Charles Laughton's.
  Tag:         Ursula finally bringing the menus, to their bedroom.
  Words:       Tethered, puerile.
  Keys:  Bland noodles, with Allspice, happy buzzing, "Manics"
         (not Mannix) discussed at Riff's, menus, menus and water,
         the shrink with a big schnoz, Lisa is Edna, Jamie is Stella,
         Paul is Raul, the look of death, the royal joust, the two
         bulimic Harriets, taking over Fran's pinball game, escorting
         Lisa to the dentist.

  - Lisa:   "Hey, Warren!"
    Warren: "Hi Edna!"
    Lisa:   "You've read it?"
    Warren: "I read it out loud!"

  Supporting Cast: Warren and Ursula.
  Guest Character:
  Scat King, in Paul's film . . . . .  Robert Donley


2.12       Paul is Dead

  The death of a Paul Buchman affects Jamie and Paul quite suddenly,
  leaving them without cash or credit. Meanwhile Paul is morbidly
  curious about his namesake.

  Story by:    Russ Woody and Billy Grundfest
  Teleplay by: Billy Grundfest
  Directed by: Lee Shallat
  Tease and Tag: Humming fridge and slanty kitchen floor.
  Words:       Nippy, mee-grane and a-sprine.
  Keys:  Murray's affinity to terriers, the bathmat odyssey,
         the look, lunch at Riff's, cutting the cards, Mozzarella
         vs Monterey Jack, First Ank of Manhattan, Shriner and
         Sailor, the arrangement, eats from the neighbours,
         toying with a little British head, $10 loan from Lisa,
         Leonard and Donna from Toronto, haunting vs annoying.

  - Paul:  "Have a good life!"
    Jamie: "You too!"
    Paul:  "I did!"
    Jamie: "Really?"

  Supporting Cast: Ursula and Maggie.
  Guest Characters:
  Bank Manager . . . . . . . . . . .  Carolyn Mignini
  Man at the ATM (and later) . . . .  Race Nelson
  Monty, at the funeral home . . . .  Lenny Wolpe
  Juan, the funeral director . . . .  Luis Antonio Ramos


2.13       Same Time Next Week

  Jamie and Paul must endure two months of separation when Paul
  has to shoot a film in Chicago, returning only for the weekends,
  weather permitting.

  Written by:  Jeffrey Lane and Danny Jacobson
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tease:       Overpacking Paul's suitcase.
  Tag:         Eavesdropping on phone sex.
  Word:        Addle-brain.
  Keys:  Not comfortable on the phone, Luggage tax, the orange
         parka, Paul's beard, lactose-free milk, Lisa staying
         over, the stolen windows, selfish in bed, the storm
         and the call, the blue nightgown, the interruption,
         Sylvia dropping in, tousled hair, Greeks next door,
         spoon, reverse spoon and ladle, the non-drink of water,
         and the last surprise.

  - Jamie: "Guess your beard will have to keep you company
           all weekend!"
    Paul:  "You know what, babe? I can hold out as long as
           you can, in fact longer! You know why?"
    Jamie: "Because you're rugged?"
    Paul:  "Bingo!"
  - Paul:  "I'm nibbling your ear."
    Jamie: "Oh, I like that."
    Paul:  "And I'm going down your body..."
    Jamie: "I love that!"
    Paul:  "And I'm kissing your knees..."
    Jamie: "What niece? I don't have a niece."

  Supporting Cast: Sylvia Buchman


2.14       The Late Show

  Fran tells Jamie that she may be pregnant, and Paul finds out
  from Ira that Ira may have got someone pregnant, but neither
  realizes that it is Ira who might have got Fran pregnant.
  A true farce, lies all around, but no slapstick.

  Written by:  Andrew Gordon and Eileen Conn
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tease:       Playing Scrabble, and being creative at it.
  Tag:         Painting the set (to sell), without telling Lisa.
  Words:       Hing, Quizjax, Whom.
  Keys:  Trickle-down theory, Fran's kid's school's benefit, Murray's
         self-absorption, Navy green tie, spelling out Ross Perot,
         betting against the Patriots, a stick with bloat, Ursula's
         mittens, the pregnancy test, Fran's divorce filing, painting
         the rented apartment (to sell), Ira's gambling debts,
         a walking target, keeping away from the windows.

  - Ira:   "Frannie! How could you be late? It was one time,
            I mean it wasn't even in town!"
    Fran:  "What does that have to do with anything?"
    Ira:   "I'm just saying.. it was in Atlantic City!"
    Fran:  "Well, we might have hit the jackpot."
  - Paul:  "Hey, Ira, listen..."
    Ira:   [instinctively] "Sh.. Sh..."
    Paul:  "Sh.. what?"
    Ira:   [confused] "Man, I don't even know anymore!"

  Supporting Cast: Ursula
  Guest Characters:
  Sergio, the doorman . . . . . . . .  Greg Collins
  Voice of Russell Bernard  . . . . .  Steve Paymer


2.15       Virtual Reality

  Paul invests in a startup venture bringing out a virtual-reality
  system with Ira, after a demo but without consulting Jamie, who
  reacts calmly to his actions, both real and imagined.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson and Jeffrey Lane
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tease:       Jamie trying a new nutty trick.
  Tag:         Christie showing up at the apartment as Jamie.
  Words:       Honestly, honesty.
  Keys:  A $5000 investment, a small company like Sony, $119 pen,
         like Spielberg directing Columbo, the Psycho moment,
         the look, from Brinkley to Bus Stop, the sudden snap
         of the head, the stopped check, the voice of reason,
         on being Pope or a shoe, or maybe seeing Sean Connery,
         a surprising choice, 8 minutes of apologies.

  - Paul:  "... I'm rubbing oil, right, right on her and I'm
            telling you, you have never felt skin like this."
    Jamie: [contemplating him] "You're a little, little man!"
  - Paul:  [for the umpteenth time] "I was wrong, I was so wrong!"

  Supporting Cast: Ursula
  Guest Characters:
  Edward Wagner, the whiz kid . . . .  J. D. Daniels
  As herself  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Christie Brinkley
  As himself  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Andre Agassi


2.16       Cold Feet

  A Valentine's Day story that begins with Jamie and Paul at rink-side
  and moves back three years to the day they finally moved in together
  and ended up engaged.

  Written by:  Jeffrey Lane and Danny Jacobson
  Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
  Tag:         Jamie checking her diamond.
  Word:        Peignoir.
  Keys:  Three night here, three night there, taking turns, slanty
         floor in living room and kitchen, their own smell,
         bending over, Fran leaving, Jamie succeeding, key
         to the executive washroom, diamond ring below cost,
         guessing Anthony Hopkins, colander or strainer, ice
         skates, big fat globs floating around Rockefeller Plaza.
         Music at the rink: Patsy Cline singing "Crazy"

  - Paul:  "Fran, I'll see you later. And you, I'll definitely
            see later."
    Jamie: "Bye!"
    Paul:  "Bye."
    Jamie: "Honey, what time will you be home?"
    Paul:  [stopping in his tracks] "Wow."
    Jamie: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! That just slipped out of my mouth!"

  Supporting Cast: Ursula
  Guest Characters:
  Mel Wertzel, the landlord  . . . .  Louis Goss
  Joanne, at Burt's store  . . . . .  Andrea Elson


2.17       Instant Karma

  Jamie's fortune cookie predicts that bad luck will follow the
  guilty, but Paul is convinced her luck is being visited on him
  even as they head for a party at Yoko Ono's place.

  Story by:    Beth Fieger Falkenstein, Dana Reston and
                 Frank Lombardi
  Teleplay by: Beth Fieger Falkenstein
  Directed by: Lee Shallat
  Tease:       A peanut-butter induced lingering goodbye.
  Tag:         Fortune cookies reading:
               - "Life with no 'F' is a lie."
               - "Confucius say, but who will listen?"
               - "Hats are wasted on a man with no head."
               - "When in doubt, cut to the skyline."
  Expression:  "Ill-gotten gains."
  Keys:  Re-re-reading the letter, lifter of human spirits, extra
         shirt at the sale, taupe vs. beige, tan, off-white and
         camel, protocol of fortune cookies, Harriett over Yoyo,
         Tony Randall's naps, blouse of death, Jamie's exercise
         machine, pits in concentrate, an egg-shell magnet,
         the no-smoking zone in the cab, stopover at Macy's,
         the visit and the piano.

  - Jamie: "Lisa, that was Yoko Ono who called."
    Lisa:  "Huh, it didn't sound like her.
            [to Paul] Why should she be calling you?"
    Paul:  "I don't know, and now I'll never find out because
            you didn't get her number!"
    Lisa:  "Call Information! How many Y. Ono-s can there be?"
  - Jamie: "Is this the stupidest thing I ever bought?"
    Paul:  [moving to the kitchen] "Yes!"
    Jamie: "Well, stop me!"
    Paul:  [from the kitchen] "Stop."
    Jamie: "I can't, I've to punish myself for being so stupid!"

  Guest Characters:
  Rita, the cabbie . . . . . . . . .  Susan Blommaert
  Martin, the co-rider . . . . . . .  Simon Templeman
  Elevator operator  . . . . . . . .  George O. Petrie
  Yoko Ono's maid  . . . . . . . . .  Lynn Milgrim


2.18       The Tape

  Jamie and Paul are horrified to discover that Paul has
  unwittingly handed over their revealing homemade video to
  the Family Network, instead of a documentary about a zoo.

  Written by:  Paul Reiser
  Directed by: Tom Moore
  Tease:       Running out of corn flakes and bananas.
  Tag:         Paul trying to open his BullWorker package,
                 to Jamie's earnest cheerleading.
  Word:        Invectify.
  Keys:  Shooting monkeys from the neck up, a slap at Riff's, piece
         of wood, the 4 piles (the save, the storage, Goodwill
         and paisley), closet clean-up, Bull-Worker and pompoms, 
         Gary as Lisa, one last look at the tape, or A Day at
         the Zoo, or RoboCop II, skinny-dipping at Nantucket,
         $237 for snow tires, that intense look on Paul's face.

  - Jamie: "Are you going to help?"
    Paul:  "Yah, you wanted to get organized, so I figured,
            I'd watch all these tapes, then I can return them and
            I can clear off that shelf nice for you!
            [looks at Jamie looking back at him]
            I didn't even believe what I just said."
  - Paul:  "I should tell him?"
    Jamie: "I think you should!"
    Paul:  "I don't think I can."
    Jamie: "You've clearance!"

  Supporting Cast: Ursula
  Guest Characters:
  Norman Lark . . . . . . . . . . . .  Kenneth Tigar
  Village Video manager . . . . . . .  Ryan Stiles
  Dutch, the clerk  . . . . . . . . .  Steve Paymer
  Roy Osterback, in 6-J . . . . . . .  Perry Anzilotti


2.19       Love Letters

  The Buchmans find letters written by former tenants of their
  apartment chronicling a World War II love story that Jamie feels
  parallels hers and Paul's.

  Written by:  Jeffrey Klarik
  Directed by: Tom Moore
  Tease:       Paul slurping his soup.
  Tag:         Mrs. Wicker sneezing in a TV commercial.
  Words:       Victrola, valise, Lindy.
  Expression:  "Nectarine!"
  Music:       "There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover."
  Keys:  Jamie with writer's block, arranging books by color,
         Murray's wet paws, towels of choice, snippy vs supportive,
         Ira the handyman using the sink, Marcia-from-the-bookstore
         needy, Jamie the sponge-woman, Leo and the French girl,
         $5 bets, orientation of the couch, slantiness of floor.
         Mr. Wicker makes his debut.

  - Jamie:  "Could you please tell us where Mr. Wicker is?"
    Couple: "Who?"
    Paul:   "... It's like talking to a gland here."
  - Millie: "May I come in?"
    Jamie:  [bounding from the couch] "Of course!"
    Paul:   "Please.. listen, our house is your house, literally."
    Millie: "Oh my God, this feels very weird! I never thought
            I'd be back. I see they still haven't fixed this -- WHOA!"

  Supporting Cast: Ursula
  Guest Characters:
  Millie Barton . . . . . . . . . . .  Kim Hunter
  Manny Barton  . . . . . . . . . . .  Dick O'Neill
  Mr. Wicker  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Jerry Adler
  Ellen, in 3-B . . . . . . . . . . .  Elena Wohl
  Couple in 6-C . . . . . . . . . . .  Timi Prulhiere and
                                         Dylan Haggerty


2.20       The Last Scampi

  Jamie and Paul refuse to take sides in an incident between
  their mothers, while Lisa plays both sides to advantage.
  Meanwhile Murray is found to be suffering from his own
  mother problems.

  Written by:  Billy Grundfest
  Directed by: Tom Moore
  Tease:       Can the lemon in a lemon muffin go bad?
  Tag:         Murray's mother is his real-life mother,
                 and Mrs. Reiser calls in.
  Expression:  "Son of a .... BITCH!"
  Keys:  The ducks tie, the wall sconce pin, the do-not-mention list,
         the hors d'oeuvres swan, using a tone, the message cake,
         Lisa's pearls, aiming for Europe, Bird of Paradise napkin
         folding, Fran on call-waiting phone, Murray's reaction
         and low perspective, manual Sit, the Murray box, the name
         used to be Swifty, his mom is Mona.

  - Jamie: "At least your mother can express her anxiety!
            I mean, it's healthy. It's sick, but it's healthy.
            You've got to admire that."
    Paul:  "Oh boy, if you'd just call her and tell her that!"
    Jamie: "You see! You cave in everytime!"
    Paul:  "I'm not caving in, I'm asking you to cave in."
    Jamie: "Never going to happen, my friend!"
  - Ira:   "That I don't get. My mother is impossible,
            your mother I adore!"
    Paul:  "You know what? The grass on other people's
            mothers is always greener."
  - Lisa:  "Remember the time she found out you'd lost your
            virginity? I got a toaster oven!"
    Jamie: "If she's mad at me, why can't she just stop
            smiling and say it?"
    Lisa:  "She did say it. She just said it to me!
            Check this out... PEARLS!"

  Guest Characters:
  Dr. Arzupian  . . . . . . . . . . .  Erick Avari
  Albert Urbont . . . . . . . . . . .  Allan Arbus
  Phone repairman . . . . . . . . . .  Marty Rackham


2.21       Disorientation

  On the first day of school, Fran, Lisa and Ira race against
  time to cover for Paul, who has forgotten to mail in Jamie's
  registration.

  Written by:  Jack Burditt and Jeffrey Lane
  Directed by: Tom Moore
  Tease:       Murray on the dining table ("This is new!").
  Tag:         Reconciling Jamie's multiple picture Ids.
  Keys:  Eating fish-sticks with Bob Howard, the Murray alarm,
         breakfast in bed, the red sweater, Jabar the cleaning
         genie, the elevator stall technique, Jamie's glazed
         look, making a break for it, non-prepaid-non-submitted,
         Paul's French, Lisa's logic, Fran's psychology and
         Ira's ethics, 4 courses, 4 dept. heads, 4 mugshots
         and 4 reactions.

  - Jamie:     "Look at this! A pencil case! .. Oh, erasers,
                reinforcements!"
    Lisa:      "I LOVE those!"
  - Registrar: "These are pre-paid course cards. You didn't
                pre-pay, which means you have to trade these
                in for non-pre-paid now-paid course cards,
                then come back for the paid course cards
                submission for scheduling."
    Paul:      "Okay, do me a favor. Talk to me like I'm 4."
    Registrar: "Go over there."
    Paul:      "Thank you!"
  - Jamie:     "How many husbands would do what you did!"
    Paul:      "Oh, well, hardly any."

  Supporting Cast: Maggie
  Guest Characters:
  Registrar #1 . . . . . . . . . . .  Alan Wilder
  Registrar #2 . . . . . . . . . . .  Adilah Barner
  Co-ed in the queue . . . . . . . .  Sydney Brown
  Student with "Fresh Vomit" cap . .  Lightfield Lewis
  Student with basketball  . . . . .  Louie Maggiotto
  Ethics Professor . . . . . . . . .  Stephen Pearlman
  French Professor . . . . . . . . .  Julia Sweeney
  Logic Professor  . . . . . . . . .  Jim Piddock
  Psychology Professor . . . . . . .  Mary Portser
  The photographer . . . . . . . . .  Daryl Roach


2.22       Storms We Cannot Weather

  While dining at Riff's with Fran and Nick, Jamie's new friend
  from school, Paul and Jamie have some unexpected company and
  encounter a turn in relationships that neither can fathom.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson
  Directed by: David Steinberg
  Tease:       How to change the toilet paper roll:
                 Watch me! ... ... ... ... Voila!
  Tag:         Anywhere in the world: Seattle, Burma, Romania,
                                      Israel ("Don't assume!")
  Expression:  "You get the gist!"
  Keys:  Fastest short-order cook, Antonio the bus-boy, eating
         soup with hands, Jamie letting Fran win, on having a
         good ass day, a first guess, double date at Riff's,
         the fifth man shows up, Fran's slap, the splinter and
         the tweezer, a Cuban in French class, on going with
         door #2, being a Good Humor man, a first kiss (again).

  - Paul:  [disengaging from a kiss] "What.. What is this?"
    Jamie: "I thought we could have sex now, then we won't
            have to do it later!"
    Paul:  "How long were you talking to this guy?"
    Jamie: "He is twenty-five! Come on, I'll do all the work!"
  - Paul:  [to Jamie at the table] "Tell you what,
            to show what a nice guy I am, I'll go help
            good-looking boy with the drinks.
            [moving to the bar] Hey, put your money away,
            you're a student!"
    Nick:  "My dad is loaded."
    Paul:  "Okay, I'll carry the drinks."
    Nick:  "Thanks!"
    Paul:  "Oh, you know, by the way, you know the little
            thing where you keep touching my wife? I don't like that."
            [moves back to the table with the beers]

  Supporting Cast: Mark and Ursula.
  Guest Characters:
  Nick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  David Beron
  Issac, owner of Apollo Cafe  . . .  Ivory Ocean


2.23       Up All Night

  Jamie's sleeplessness leads to an all-night adventure with
  Paul, taking the Buchmans from the basement to the rooftop,
  and a tango with John Astin, if that's who he really is.

  Written by:  Jeffrey Klarik
  Directed by: Michael Lembeck
  Tease:       Garth Brooks identifying a song at Riff's.
  Tag:         Gomez continuing the mother of all backflips.
  Keys:  Silver sprocket no, door-prize yes, The Trouble with
         Barnacles, the Paris Peace Talks, toe tickling, A Day
         in the Life of a Button, professional tea (brewer), the
         non-decaffeinated tea (Atomic Zinger), wishing for a lawn,
         the amazing awake lady, ride to the Penthouse, the
         10-Storey High Club, eating Chinese with Murray, eating
         corn a la arm, roof-top tango.

  - Paul:  "Okay, you know what? Forget tea, let's watch that
            crazy guy on Channel 38 with the white beard, come on!"
    Jamie: "Oh, forget it..."
    Paul:  "Ten minutes of this guy, you'll fall right asleep."
    Jamie: "The more you try to fall asleep, the more you can't.
            It's like the erection thing!"

  Supporting Cast: Mr. Wicker
  Guest Characters:
  As himself (?)  . . . . . . . . . .  John Astin
  Waula Lea . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Karla Tamburelli
  As himself  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Garth Brooks


2.24       With This Ring [Season Finale]

  The Buchmans' second-anniversary celebrations begin with Paul
  losing his wedding ring and having to endure three congratulatory
  lunches with Jamie. Meanwhile the encounter with Paul's nephew
  causes them both to rethink having a child.

  Written by:  Jeffrey Lane (Part I)
  Story by:    Jeffrey Lane and Danny Jacobson (Part II)
  Teleplay by: Jeffrey Lane (Part II)
  Directed by: Tom Moore
  Tease:       Talking about Pinter, Magellan and Onassis --
                 men with boats. (Part I syndication only)
  Keys:  Those things you love, selling a mango to Ed Koch,
         a pair of shoes, two of pants, chanting, the double
         anniversary, ugly baby picture, Mark's move, the Zen
         way to hearing a splash, Brits eat spam, Yanks buy $600
         of hot dogs, musical chairs at lunch, mooshed potatoes,
         another kitchen table, the monkey, Bill and Dave try a
         Zima, smelling the Rose.
         Appearance of the second actress to play Debbie.
         Her son Noah makes his only appearance.

  - Paul:  "Yah, this time I'm telling you the truth."
    Jamie: "How can I know that?"
    Paul:  "Because.. it has changed, it is two years later.
            I love you two years more!"
    Jamie: "So then you loved me two years less?"
    Paul:  "I'm standing up to my ass in garbage, let's
            talk about our relationship!"
  - Paul:  "How many years did you go to college?"
    Mark:  "Four."
    Paul:  "And then Med School?"
    Mark:  "Four."
    Paul:  "How long were you an Intern?"
    Mark:  "One-year."
    Paul:  "And then a Resident?"
    Mark:  "Two."
    Paul:  "Good! Give me a pound of grapes!"

  Kim's triples:

  We've cakes, we've Drano, we've cheese by the pound.
  We've beer, we've Q-Tips, we've lemon pie.
  We've sugar, we've onions, we've aspergum and yodels.
  I have Pepto, I have Bromo, I have Alka Seltzer.
  I have a market, I have a wife, I have a daughter.

  Paul's triple (of sorts):

  We've.. I've got flowered socks, I've got marsh-mallows,
          I've got paper-towels.

  Supporting Cast: Mark, Sylvia and Ursula.
  Guest Characters:
  Debbie, Paul's younger sister  . .  Robin Bartlett (II)
  Noah, Debbie's son . . . . . . . .  Andrew J. Ferchland
  Kim  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Darrell Kunitomi
  Tammy  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Patty Toy
  Hot dog vendor . . . . . . . . . .  Jimm Giannini
  Hot dog dispatcher . . . . . . . .  Anthony Russell

----------------------------------------------------------------

The Production Team

  Created by:             Paul Reiser and Danny Jacobson
  Executive Producer:     Danny Jacobson, Jeffrey Lane
  Co-Executive Producer:  Russ Woody
  Producers:              Paul Reiser, Bruce Chevillat
  Co-Producers:           Steve Paymer, Andrew Gordon, Eillen Conn,
                          Billy Grundfest
  Coordinating Producer:  Marjorie Weitzman Biggs
  Associate Producer:     Craig Knizek
  Script Supervisor:      Victoria Weisbart
  Production Coordinator: Susan Garon-Elliott
  Costumes:               Audrey Darin, Claudia Wick, Debi Orrico
  Art Direction:          Bernard Vyzga
  Photography:            Richard Hissong
  Editing:                Sheila Amos, Robert Souders, Steve Schultz
  Sound Mixing:           Peter Damski

  Writers:   Jack Burditt, Eileen Conn, Beth Fieger Falkenstein,
             Andrew Gordon, Billy Grundfest, Danny Jacobson,
             Jeffrey Klarik, Jeffrey Lane, Frank Lombardi,
             Steve Paymer, Paul Reiser, Dana Reston and
             Russ Woody.

  Directors: Michael Lembeck, Tom Moore, Thomas Schlamme,
             Lee Shallat and David Steinberg.

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