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alt.tv.mad-about-you Episode Guide for Season #1


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Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season1
Posting-frequency: quarterly
Last-modified: 97-01-05
Version: 5.1
URL: http://www.alumni.caltech.edu/~witelski/may-eg1.html
Copyright: (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ramax@ultranet.com]

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Episode Guide for Season #1 of "Mad About You"
for the Usenet newsgroup alt.tv.mad-about-you

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Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season1
Posting-frequency: quarterly
Last-modified: 97-01-05
Version: 5.1

----------------------------------------------------------------

This Episode Guide for the TV Comedy show "Mad About You" is,
as a collection of information,
Copyright (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ramax@ultranet.com],
Douglas B. Robertson [dr@fermi.tiger.ab.ca],
Catherine Chan [cchan@io.org] and
Eugene Wang [eggbert@cs.bu.edu].
All Rights Reserved.

This document may be freely distributed in electronic form for
personal use only, provided it is distributed in its entirety
and with all original author and copyright information intact.
Distribution by any other means must be by permission of the
copyright holder. This material is for non-commercial use only
and any sale for profit is expressly forbidden. It may not be
included in any commercial documents, archives or CD-ROMs, nor
uploaded to any BBS or online service without the permission
of the copyright holder. The removal of this copyright notice
is prohibited.

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The MAY Episode Guides:

Episode Guide for Season #1
Episode Guide for Season #2
Episode Guide for Season #3
Episode Guide for Season #4
Episode Guide for Season #5

----------------------------------------------------------------

     The  First  Season

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Table of Contents

  Cast of Characters
  Supporting Characters
  The Production Team

  1.1  (101)   92-09-23   Romantic Improvisations [Premiere]
  1.2  (104)   92-09-30   Sofa's Choice
  1.3  (103)   92-10-07   Sunday Times
  1.4  (102)   92-10-14   Out of the Past
  1.5  (106)   92-10-21   Paul in the Family
  1.6  (105)   92-10-28   I'm Just So Happy For You
  1.7  (107)   92-11-04   Token Friend
  1.8  (109)   92-11-11   The Apartment
  1.9  (111)   92-11-18   Riding Backwards
  1.10 (110)   92-11-25   Neighbors from Hell
  1.11 (113)   92-12-16   Met Someone
  1.12 (108)   93-01-06   Maid About You
  1.13 (112)   93-01-13   Togetherness
  1.14 (116)   93-01-27   Weekend Getaway
  1.15 (115)   93-02-06   The Wedding Affair
  1.16 (114)   93-02-13   Love Among the Tiles
  1.17 (118)   93-02-20   The Billionaire
  1.18 (119)   93-02-27   The Man Who Said Hello
  1.19 (117)   93-04-30   Swept Away
  1.20 (120)   93-05-08   The Spy Who Loved Me
  1.21 (122)   93-05-15   The Painter
  1.22 (121)   93-05-22   Happy Anniversary [Season Finale]

----------------------------------------------------------------

Telecasts in Syndication:

     As of September 1996, episodes from this season are being
     aired in syndication in North America, with approximately
     1 minute of content snipped from the original telecasts
     in 1992-93. Check your local TV listings for the station,
     days and times of telecast.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Cast of Characters

  Paul Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . .  Paul Reiser
  Jamie Buchman  . . . . . . . . . . .  Helen Hunt
  Lisa Stemple . . . . . . . . . . . .  Anne Ramsay
  Jay Selby  . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Tommy Hinkley
  Fran Devanow . . . . . . . . . . . .  Leila Kenzle
  Mark Devanow . . . . . . . . . . . .  Richard Kind
  Ira Buchman  . . . . . . . . . . . .  John Pankow
  Murray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Smiley, Maui

Supporting Characters

  Burt Buchman, Paul's father  . . . .  Louis Zorich
  Gus Stemple, Jamie's father  . . . .  Paul Dooley
  Theresa Stemple, Jamie's mother  . .  Nancy Dussault
  Ryan, Fran and Mark's son  . . . . .  Spencer Klein

  Ike, Paul's editor . . . . . . . . .  Art Evans
  Stacey, Paul's assistant . . . . . .  Kerri Green
  Connie, Paul's assistant . . . . . .  Meagen Fay
  Warren, Paul's editor/cameraman  . .  Steven Wright

  Maggie Conway, neighbour in 11-C . .  Judy Geeson
  Hal Conway, Maggie's husband . . . .  Paxton Whitehead
  Eddie, the doorman . . . . . . . . .  Lou Cutell

----------------------------------------------------------------

1.1        Romantic Improvisations [Premiere]

  Paul and Jamie Buchman are newlyweds adjusting to life together
  in Manhattan. In the series opener, their scheduled evening alone
  goes awry as each assumes the other had cancelled their dinner
  engagement with friends.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson and Paul Reiser
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       Jamie snoring.
  Expressions: "Hello?" and "There's people out there!"
  Keys:  5 months after the wedding, 5 days without sex, the
         first lie, William Devane or Willem DaFoe, soup or bisque,
         lasagne at 7, forgetting ice in the cab, the Abbott and
         Costello of liars, the baking sound, the work whistle,
         the Eames chair, the magnet in the cloth, and the
         not-so-king-sized kitchen table.
         Lisa, Selby, Fran and Mark make their collective debut.
         Murray makes his debut (Smiley).

  - Paul:  "What could you possibly have in your nose I don't have?"
    Jamie: [waking up] "Oh, was I snoring?"
    Paul:  "I can't believe you're alive."
  - Jamie: "Will you run the shower and make the coffee?
           [pause] I think I'm pregnant.
           [Paul sits up] Just kidding... make the coffee."
  - Jamie: "Fran, Paul and I need a second."
    Fran:  "Oh, are you okay?" [to Paul] "Is everything all right?"
           [to both] "Can I help?"
  - Paul:  "Look, there's always going to be stuff... I put up
           with your crap and you put up with my crap."
    Jamie: "That's marriage?"
    Paul:  "This is what I'm thinking!"


1.2        Sofa's Choice

  To Paul, a couch by any other name is not a couch, especially if
  it is a divan, a settee, or worse, a love-seat. Jamie is determined
  that their first major purchase be jointly made and when dragged to
  the department store, Paul manages to hyperventilate.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson and Paul Reiser
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       Jamie switching sides in bed.
  Word:        Slacks.
  Keys:  Measuring tapes and guns, toaster with faulty crumb-tray,
         week 3 of the big quest, big cookies and toasted sandwiches
         (like ambrosia, but with cheese), musk in the eye, about
         saying no, Tea-dipped Irish Linen, or going antique, the
         mocking couch, gal talk and guy talk, sporting Cretan briefs
         or cavorting in stirrups, dressing like a manic-depressive
         Psych Professor.
         Murray makes his second debut (Maui).

  - Paul:  "Come here sweatheart, let me explain something.  And
           you should really jot this down because this is very
           important -- EVERYTHING in the world takes 4 hours..."
  - Jamie: "This will look good on you."
    Fran:  "Yah, it'll fit great if I can take my ass off."
  - Paul:  "You know Mark, this is time you never get back.
           I mean there are only X number of Saturdays left and
           I'm spending this one, sitting on a love-seat holding
           a pocketbook."
    Mark:  [pointing at the purse] "Got an emery board in there?"
    Paul:  "I'd like to punch you in the head."
    Mark:  "I've got this piece of nail..."
    Paul:  "BITE IT OFF! Be a MAN!"

  Guest Characters:
  Barry's mother . . . . . . . . . .  Estelle Harris
  Phillip, the salesman  . . . . . .  Richard Roat
  Saleslady  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Jodi Carlisle


1.3        Sunday Times

  Sunday, quiet Sunday, with nothing to do except decide what to do,
  but to do so quickly: see a movie, take in a parade or get to the
  museum, before other folks's Sundays intrude.

  Written by:  Jeffrey Lane
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       From the Sunday paper: Helen Hayes broke her foot.
  Word:        Wilding.
  Keys:  A dream about potato chips and the Weather Channel, a rock
         or a pumice stone, Lisa's unreliable hands, cassoulet and
         cumin, gelling or clotting, Will Rogers' Follies, Ira's band,
         Fung Wei or Fung you, Stanley Kahn's obituary, the Belgian
         Film Festival, Amish quilts, 86 minutes in all, the Gay Pride
         parade, Chelsea 10K race (where Selby pulls a Rosie Ruiz).

  - Lisa:  "Who is this guy Kelly and why does he need all
           these girls?"
    Paul:  [walking in] "Look at this.. 'Body parts found in 
           Jersey!' Ech!"
    Lisa:  "Wow! Wonder if it's anyone I know."
  - Jamie: "I used to be out there all the time. I frizzed my
           hair, I wore hats, I slept with artists ... once ...
           commercial ... still!"
    Paul:  "... What kind of hats?"
    Jamie: "All kinds, big funky hats, little funky hats,
           I wore hats!"
    Paul:  "I've NEVER seen you in a hat."
    Jamie: "Ya, I guess those days are gone!"
  - Jamie: "Sorry about dinner."
    Paul:  "It was an effort."
    Jamie: "Thank you..."
    Paul:  "I mean, to eat it, was an effort."


1.4        Out of the Past

  News of his ex-girlfriend first fills Paul with excitement, followed
  by guilt, culminating in blithering idiocy after he invites Jamie to
  Riff's to meet her, and Jamie accepts.

  Written by:  Steve Paymer
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       Rushing out of the apartment in the morning.
  Keys:  Don Ho, Scorsese and Hitch (who used to be thin),
         a snip or two short of greatness, scurrying squirrels
         and stalking rats, being less eligible, Murray's panting
         choice, 1975 sideburns, smelling hair that flows, wearing
         cologne, Regional Account Manager or Regional VP, getting
         one's bearings, the poor girl's french fries, omelettes
         and souvlaki, the talk at the bar.
         Ike and Stacey make their debut. Riff's makes its debut.

  - Selby:  "Stace!"
    Stacey: "Selb!"
  - Jamie:  "So who was she?"
    Paul:   "She.. You've got to know every little thing?
            She's... If I tell you everything now, then we can
            have nothing left to talk about when we're old."
  - Jamie:  "You're so blind! She was threatened."
    Paul:   "She was?"
    Jamie:  "Come on, she has this thing with you in college,
            she comes to meet you for a drink and you bring along
            your beautiful wife. What do you think?"
    Paul:   "I like how you can soothe me and get in a
            plug for yourself."

  Guest Characters:
  Lynne Stoddard . . . . . . . . . .  Lisa Edelstein
  Ike, Paul's editor . . . . . . . .  Art Evans
  Stacey, Paul's assistant . . . . .  Kerri Green
  Audrey, who slaps Selby  . . . . .  Sarah Partridge
  Waiter at Riff's . . . . . . . . .  Jack Kenny


1.5        Paul in the Family

  An unexpectedly long visit by Jamie's parents turns her into
  a raving lunatic who bribes Lisa with cold cash and cab-fare
  into sharing the experience. And Lisa delivers.

  Written by:  Daryl Rowland and Lisa DeBenedictis
  Directed by: Paul Lazarus
  Tease:       Paul ordering New York style pizza.
  Keys:  Peanut and Sweet Pea, finding a great parking spot,
         about returning the gravy boat, pate and little cheeses,
         water with a splash of J&B (and a curled lemon-twist),
         blue couch or new couch, Arnold the Congressman, using
         a butter-knife, or a lathe, the new grill, the 10-minute
         clog, Canada's best: bacon, hockey and pipes, Lisa and
         Jamie in sisters' duet.
         Theresa and Gus Stemple make their debut.

  - Jamie: "Why aren't you wearing the yellow shirt my mom gave you?"
    Paul:  "Because I like this shirt, and I'm saving the yellow
           one for when I'm lost at sea."
  - Gus:   "She's so skinny. You don't have that bulimia thing
           again, do you?"
    Lisa:  "NO! And if I did, which I don't, I wouldn't tell you
           because I wouldn't realize it, that's the way it works."
  - Jamie: "I'm 30 years old, I'm married, I've a home.
           How come my parents can still push all my buttons?"
    Paul:  "That's easy, they installed 'em."

  Guest Characters:
  Gus Stemple, Jamie's father  . . .  Paul Dooley
  Theresa Stemple, Jamie's mother  .  Nancy Dussault


1.6        I'm Just So Happy For You

  Paul's film about Yankee Stadium is rejected by PBS the same day
  Jamie snags a major advertising account, turning her celebratory
  bash into a defeat party.

  Written by:  Billy Grundfest
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease and Tag: Excerpts from Paul's documentary featuring
                   the peanut vendor at Yankee Stadium.
  Keys:  The House that Ruth (Gordon) built, to relate publicly,
         the rumor that George Steinbrenner is nice, the Toyota
         Camarary (NUTS-1), "Get your peanuts here!" in one word,
         the Muffin Man song, Rick the assistant-in-law, flowers
         and champagne one way, Maalox and Tylenol the other way,
         with Haagen-Daz to go either way, Ruben for lunch,
         making crushed ice from scratch, stairmaster for new
         office, Pretentious Boring.. Snobs (PBS) -- "Let 'em
         keep their lousy tote bag!"
         Ryan Devanow makes his debut.

  - Paul:  "So you know everything that your wife does at work,
           right?"
    Ike:  "I know enough to fake it! You don't even know
           that much!"
  - Mark:  "She's a moghul! .. This is so fantastic, I mean the
           thing is, that Fran spent 3 years trying to land that
           account, 3 years and NOTHING! And then BOOM! Jamie
           walks us in and BINGO! And the ironic thing is, Jamie
           used to be Fran's assistant and then..."
    Fran:  "Schnookie! Get me a drink!"
    Mark:  [deflated] "What do you feel like?"
    Fran:  "Anything... just GO!"
  - Selby: "There's a gynecologist limboing in your livingroom."
    Jamie: "We're celebrating. I got the big account I was
           working on."
    Selby: "COMPUTRON? [Jamie gives Paul a look] All right!
           [to Paul] How come you didn't tell me about this?
           [to Jamie] How big a bonus are we talking about here?"
  - Selby: "We should really go out and celebrate tomorrow."
    Lisa:  "How about lunch?"
    Jamie: "The Russian Tea Room?"
    Selby: "I don't want to have tea for lunch."
    Lisa:  "They have food, Selby. Ya, it's a big fancy restaurant."
    Selby: "Gotta wear a tie?"
    Jamie: "They'll give you one."
    Selby: "Cool!"
  - Jamie: "When I was single, I got to be happy whenever I was
           happy. I guess now I get to be happy only during
           that subset of times when you're happy too."
  - Vacky: [in the film] "Lou Gehrig's wife came to every game.
           He was the luckiest man on the face of the Earth."
    Paul:  "Nah... second luckiest."

  Supporting Cast: Ike and Stacey (their final appearance).
  Guest Character:
  Vacky, the vendor . . . . . . . . .  Phil Leeds
  Ryan, Fran and Mark's son . . . . .  Spencer Klein


1.7        Token Friend

  Paul is suddenly reluctant to use the subway because a former fellow
  film school student turns up as the token clerk at his station.

  Written by:  Sally Lapiduss and Pamela Eells
  Directed by: Paul Lazarus
  Tease:       Paul stacking, arranging, aligning, adjusting change.
  Word:        Thwarting.
  Keys:  VIP seats with back-tent passes, the clown cavalcade
         or geek parade, goat or unicorn, Flexo the Fabulous,
         Mark with Murray as Cujo, Paul's beady eyes, Hunter's
         Point and South Bronx (Hunt's Point), seven times $1.25,
         the track fire, honest announcements, Raul the supervisor,
         producer of "Tunnel of Hate," English subtitles for the
         Japanese and Japanese ones for the English spoken by the
         visiting Japanese businessmen ("We own the show!")
         The Buchmans' Wedding song identified as: "Color My World"

  - Paul:  "These babies are center ring, front row! Y'know, that
           doubles your chances of being picked for the train."
    Jamie: "We talked about this last time... if you're taller
           than the dwarfs, they probably won't pick you."
  - Jamie: "Stop acting like a child! Do you want to miss
           the circus?"
    Paul:  "No."
    Jamie: "So?"
    Paul:  "So.. buy the tokens!"
    Jamie: "The guy probably isn't here, and even if he is,
           what's the big deal?"
    Paul:  "Is this a huge thing I'm asking you to do?
           Love, honor and buy the tokens?"

  Supporting Cast: Ryan Devanow
  Guest Characters:
  Howie Balinger . . . . . . . . . .  Steve Buscemi
  Sarcastic man  . . . . . . . . . .  Michael Goldfinger
  Woman asking directions  . . . . .  Elizabeth Norment
  Out-of-towner (with wife)  . . . .  Steven M. Porter
  Japanese businessmen . . . . . . .  Yoshio Be, Toshi Toda


1.8        The Apartment

  Planning their last Will and Testament together brings up the
  subject of Paul's old bachelor pad, which he is now sublets,
  but Jamie would rather he let go of the past and surrender
  the lease to its current tenant.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson and Steve Paymer
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       Paul being run over by a loopy bike messenger.
  Keys:  Pulling the plug, on being cremated or burial at sea,
         Power of attorney (and the couch) for Lisa, dispute over the
         stereo system, the Florsheim shoebox, the tossed-out jersey,
         uniform anatomical gift act, cheating death on a slab at
         Columbia (or at NYU), interrupted Bugs Kisses, memories of
         a microwave clambake, rent-controlled apartment for a Cuban
         cigar, cryonics - the big chill.

  - Paul:  "I don't need an out, I don't want an out, I want in!"
    Jamie: "Not tonight!"
  - Jamie: "I told you, I'm being cremated. I can't believe you
           don't want to come with me."
    Paul:  "Hey, don't take it personally. I told you I don't want
           to die, period!"
    Jamie: "So we're breaking up?"
    Paul:  "I guess so... You're off to the furnace, I'm off to the
           freezer."

  Guest Characters:
  Uncle Jules . . . . . . . . . . . .  Al Ruscio
  Kramer  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Michael Richards


1.9        Riding Backwards

  On a trip to Connecticut to spend Thanksgiving with Jamie's parents,
  Paul and Jamie are doing fine, Mark and Fran begin to fight, while
  Selby and Lisa are just friends. But on the return journey, the
  converse is true.

  Written by:  Jeffrey Lane
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tag:         Jamie's Cello recital (76 Trombone).
  Keys:  The night before Thanksgiving, not riding backwards,
         but entirely without Ruth, Mark's sister, Lisa's new
         boyfriend (for $50), the Veal Chop story (third date),
         Hiawatha's poem, the wishbone, non-invitation to golf,
         FedEx'ed turkey and jello, story of First Thanksgiving.

  - Paul:  "What was that?"
    Jamie: "Nothing. Just told her we needed some private time
           since we were going up for your mother's funeral.
           Always works."
    Paul:  "Why is it my mother?"
    Jamie: "I don't know, I wanted the leg-room, I had to kill
           somebody, she came to mind."
  - Conductor: "Have a Hap-py Ho-li-day!"
    Paul:      "Easy for you to say."
    Conductor: "It's my jo-b..."

  Supporting Cast: Ryan Devanow
  Guest Characters:
  Train Conductor  . . . . . . . . .  Michael Eugene Fairman
  Woman passenger  . . . . . . . . .  Carol Ann Sasi


1.10       Neighbors from Hell

  The Buchmans get off on the wrong foot with the neighbours across
  the hall and each subsequent step to improve relations only makes
  matters worse.

  Written by:  Paul Reiser and Billy Grundfest
  Directed by: Dennis Erdman
  Tag:         Jamie conducting an imaginary conversation
                 to impress the Conways.
  Words:       Wonky, icky.
  Keys:  Industrial-strength facial, back-tie benefit at the Aquarium,
         Lefty the lobster, not dressed for fish, only you, me, pizza,
         pineapple topping, mutual midnight massage, the pie mixup,
         teaching Diplomacy in New York, scruffy little scottie mutt, 
         being knocked-out cold, Argyll snake, chapeau of knickers,
         on being peculiar, five excellent cheeses, Opera at the Met
         (Die Valkyrie -- long, loud and boring), Murray and Sophie
         make nice.
         Maggie and Hal Conway make their debut.

  - Maggie: "We hear you through the walls sometimes."
    Jamie:  "Oh-my-God!"
    Hal:    "That's her!"
  - Jamie:  "How can somebody not like me?"
    Paul:   "Hey... you're asking the wrong guy."
    Jamie:  "Play with me..."
    Paul:   [loud enough to be heard through the wall]
            "We can't, honey! We have Bastille Day with Jerry Lewis!"

  Guest Characters:
  Maggie Conway  . . . . . . . . . .  Judy Geeson
  Hal Conway . . . . . . . . . . . .  Paxton Whitehead


1.11       Met Someone

  The story of "When Jamie met Paul," that begins with a chance
  encounter on a Sunday evening, followed by Paul's hard work to
  locate Jamie and then some fast talking to turn that encounter
  into a dinner date.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       The hijacking at the West 81st Street news-stand.
  Tag:         The retelling of the Rose Bowl Story.
  Keys:  The parents' obituaries, the drycleaning slip, Paul's
         10-second date, then the 33-floor search, and on to
         the Christmas party at Farrer, Gantz, Mark the third
         wheel, Gorbachev and Brosnan, Cheryl and Luann, the
         two sisters, on never being with a man, on starting a
         cheese, the faxed bio, the Rembrandt moment.

  - Jamie: "What did you come up here for then?"
    Paul:  "Because I figured you needed your clothes for
           the holidays."
    Jamie: "That was very considerate."
    Paul:  "Well, y'know, born and raised in New York!"
  - Jamie: "Well, what would you do if you were working and
           some woman walked in with your drycleaning?"
    Paul:  "I'd say... Ma! Go away."
  - Manny: "Jamie! Have you heard my Rose Bowl story?"
    Jamie: "Yes, I have! I told it to my family!"

  Guest Characters:
  Karen, Paul's date  . . . . . . . .  Lisa Kudrow
  Dana, Selby's date  . . . . . . . .  Kathryn Spitz
  Lester  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  David Arnott
  Manny Gantz . . . . . . . . . . . .  Wayne Tippitt


1.12       Maid About You

  The Buchmans find their new once-a-week maid a big help, but
  she is heart-broken that her affection for Mr. Paul isn't
  being reciprocated.

  Written by:  Daryl Rowland and Lisa DeBenedictis
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       Looking for the TV remote control.
  Tag:         Murray gathering his socks.
  Keys:  The vicious cleaning cycle, looking like Wayne
         Rogers, looking for a grey sock, the threat of a maid,
         tasting fresh boar, being a gunner in the Soviet Navy,
         Paul's portrait (with chest hair) and his spot, the
         Fish-sticks dynasty, fixing the left shoe, the throaty
         little catch, looking for the thing.
         Last episode featuring Selby (Tommy Hinkley).

  - Paul:  "You're unbelievable!"
    Jamie: "Just one day a week." [sits down on his lap]
    Paul:  "Then what was the point of discussing this?"
    Jamie: "You're right. That was wrong of me."
           [kisses him, then leaves, a long pause]
    Paul:  "What just happened to me here?"
  - Fran:  "What are you doing?"
    Paul:  "Standing... in my apartment... in my spot."
    Fran:  "You have a spot?"
    Jamie: "He loves that spot."
    Paul:  "Doesn't Mark have a spot?"
    Fran:  "Not that I know of."

  Guest Character:
  Masha  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Beata Pozniak


1.13       Togetherness

  Producer Jamie gets to hire the director for a new spot for the
  New York City tourism campaign and she picks Paul so they can work
  together, but soon finds out how much togetherness is too much.

  Written by:  Steve Paymer
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease and Tag: Playing Monopoly, Jamie's that is, with an
                   ad lib by Paul at the very end.
  Keys:  10 hours and 24 minutes apart, on "The Young and the
         Restless," linguini, chicken, broccoli, and certain
         spices, looking for what? (cheese), prep work or
         goofing off, the look, the I Still Love NY campaign:
         excitement, energy, sizzle, codewords: logarithm,
         spittoon, Estes Kefauver and paramecium, Woody Allen's
         remark, being called sweetie in front of teamsters,
         conflicting creative control, Kenny the pig, no Homeless,
         Dragon lady, no fire escape, running out of conversation,
         talking to the Time-Life operator, a film on Kefauver,
         the admission.

  - Paul:  "We're really going to do this?"
    Jamie: "Yup, it's a done deal, as long as you don't screw up
           the interview!"
  - Jamie: "I missed you this week."
    Paul:  "We were together every minute."
    Jamie: "I know, I didn't have time to think about you...
           to miss you... I missed missing you!"

  Guest Characters:
  Al, the client . . . . . . . . . .  Jerry Hardin
  The Big Apple  . . . . . . . . . .  Bill Dunlevy
  The Cat  . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Albert Owens
  Stage manager  . . . . . . . . . .  Ric Edinger


1.14       Weekend Getaway

  An escape to the countryside doesn't immediately cure Jamie's
  blues, but once it does, she's all for staying on permanently,
  making apples, tilling soil, or running a Chinese restaurant.

  Written by:  Daryl Rowland and Lisa DeBendictis
  Directed by: Linda Day
  Tease:       Oneupsmanship in story-telling.
  Tag:         Chinese takeout delivery, NYC to Pine Jct. VT.
  Keys:  Quiet pants and satin robe, luxury of an ironing
         board, taking the bike, not the computer, fooling
         Murray, a charming room at the Babcock Inn, Barnaby
         Jones on all channels, lighting a real log-fire
         (a teepee of twigs inside a log-cabin of wood),
         getting red-wine off silk, a Bauhaus Ming vase
         (according to Gunther), shed things and compost,
         the Polar Bear Swim Club, trying venison, Jamie's
         friend: Bruce Roberts, Chairman. ("Oh, you scare me!")

  - Paul:  "And listen, when you play with his ears, scratch,
           but don't tug!"
    Lisa:  "He complained last time?"
    Paul:  "He mentioned it."
  - Jamie: "This apple-butter is so fresh, do you make it here?"
    Ned:   "Actually, it is bottled in Brooklyn.  A little
           taste of home, right here in the country?"
  - Paul:  "To a woman.. freezing water on a woman's body is
           invigorating. To a man, not such a thrill...
           bad things happen."
    Jamie: "Oh, c'mon honey, they'll come back."

  Guest Characters:
  Ned, the manager . . . . . . . . .  Murphy Dunne
  Polar Bear club member . . . . . .  Parley Baer


1.15       The Wedding Affair

  After unwittingly revealing a secret about a bride to
  her father, Paul badgers Jamie into telling him one of
  hers, and soon is sorry he did.

  Written by:  Billy Grundfest and Paul Reiser
  Directed by: Linda Day
  Tease:       Selecting ear-rings for the wedding.
  Tag:         Dancing at the wedding.
  Word:        Ubiquitous.
  Keys:  Long ones or short ones, nut pick vs. pasta-maker,
         on feeling Italian, Weight-watchers support, being early
         and not eating before, not being a bridesmaid, the
         just-invented finger food, the optional black-tie and
         tuxedo, being mistaken for a waiter, spilling the beans,
         finding out a bridesmaid's name (Cheryl), the unknown
         couple, Stan Franklin in London.
         Ira Buchman makes his debut.

  - Jamie: "Come here, look at you! [ties his tie] What?
           [pause, smiling] What are you staring at?"
    Paul:  "I'm admiring a beautiful girl who married me
           for some reason."
    Jamie: [pause] "All right! Give them the nut-pick!"
  - Paul:  "So why didn't you tell me 2 years ago?"
    Jamie: "If I did, would we be sitting here now?"
    Paul:  "Yes!"
    Jamie: "I'm not so sure."
    Paul:  "So now we'll never know."
  - Paul:  "So you're saying it was the toaster?"

  Guest Characters:
  Miss Grundy, the caterer . . . . .  Susan Blommaert
  The waiter . . . . . . . . . . . .  William Newman
  The friendly couple  . . . . . . .  Neil Vipone and
                                        Annie Abbott
  Woman looking for her hat  . . . .  Laura Waterbury


1.16       Love Among the Tiles

  What should a couple do when trapped in their bathroom on
  Valentine's Day?  Paul and Jamie show the way -- painting
  toe-nails, giving mutual facials, and using antacid tablets
  as food and more.

  Written by:  Sally Lapiduss and Pamela Eells
  Directed by: Linda Day
  Tease:       Getting ready to go to Fran and Mark's party.
  Tag:         Murray the dog, not the accountant, summoning
                 help at Fran and Mark's.
  Word:        Concussed.
  Keys:  Murray and the bowl, Q-Tips and tweezers, good clothes
         building up speed to attack the door, Mrs. McGyver,
         Swiss Family Buchmans, the origin of Valentine's Day
         (and the candy hearts), forgetting the card, tossing
         out wrapped soap, Victoria's big Secret, painting on
         a tiny canvas, giving instructions to Murray, the
         dependable Lisa, Ryan as Cupid, dunking swabs,
         Aloe, lemon, avocado, and the last Tums.

  - Paul:  "It's a made-up holiday. No one even knows who this
           St. Valentine guy is!"
    Jamie: "He was a Roman priest who defended the Christians,
           and was beheaded by Claudius II on February 14th, 269 AD."
  - Paul:  "What do you want to do?"
    Jamie: "Anything that takes more than 5 minutes."
    [a bit later]
    Paul:  "Okay, so the Earth didn't move."
    Jamie: "The bathmat didn't even move."
  - Paul:  "That's why guys get married, so they can stop wooing.
           It's exhausting to woo, you woo, you woo, and you woo,
           and then you've got to go: Whoa!"
  - Paul:  "Come on, you know I love you, right?"
    Jamie: "Yes, I know, but once in a while it would be nice
           to have a grand romantic gesture..."

  Supporting Cast: Ryan Devanow
  Guest Characters:
  Sam, looking for Stephanie  . . .  Patrick Warburton
  Andrew, Lisa's Valentine  . . . .  Gregory Paul Martin


1.17       The Billionaire

  An extremely energetic and eccentric billionaire wants Paul to make
  a film about him. Meanwhile Paul's hires a new editor-cameraman who
  is anything but energetic.

  Written by:  Sally Lapiduss and Pamela Eells
  Directed by: Linda Day
  Tease:       Tap-dancing at 7:30 in the morning.
  Tag:         Laborious mangling of Warren's name.
  Keys:  JL does his thing, getting bagels for the Buchmans,
         quelling the jackhammers, Connie doing a soup survey,
         a da Vinci from the Pope, Baked Alaska in Alaska, an
         autographed Bible, 40 reels of nothing, Luciano's aria,
         the tense massuese.
         Warren makes his debut, along with Connie and Eddie.

  - Paul:   "Wow, I see you've worked with CNN. Was it fun?"
    Warren: "Look, I didn't come here to be interrogated."
    Paul:   "Fair enough. You've some fairly impressive
            credits here - is it all true?"
    Warren: "A lot of it is true."
  - Paul:   "Y'know, if you let me use the dishwasher, we won't
            be having this discussion."
    Jamie:  "Come on, for two plates..."
    Paul:   "It's always going to be 2 plates."
    Jamie:  "Unless we have kids or a party."
    Paul:   "You really think it is right to bring a child into
            this world to use an appliance?"
  - Paul:   "I can't believe this! The man's bought me
            Ringo's drums!"
    Warren: "Now they'll never get back together again!"

  Guest Characters:
  Freddy Stadler . . . . . . . . . .  Jerry Lewis
  Belden, his assistant  . . . . . .  Bill Fox
  Eddie Mermelman, aka Warren  . . .  Steven Wright
  Connie, Paul's assistant . . . . .  Meagen Fay
  Eddie, the doorman . . . . . . . .  Lou Cutell
  Massuese . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Donna Pieroni


1.18       The Man Who Said Hello

  Paul's father has his 15 minutes of fame following an incident
  with Regis Philbin that embarasses Paul, and events progress to
  a point that Paul is being viewed by all of New York City as an
  over-reactive son.

  Written by:  Jeffrey Lane and Danny Jacobson
  Directed by: Linda Day
  Tease:       Paul talking to his (still unseen) mother.
  Tag:         Excerpt from the sound-track of "Moby."
  Word:        Rend.
  Keys:  1843 people + 6 usherettes at the Theatre Royalle,
         ordering at El Greco, cash for Lisa, Jamie's molting
         jacket and the Burt shirt, being literally spit on,
         Paul's schmeckie in the Post ("It's partly mine!"),
         day after day of the Buchman crisis, the grout story,
         the substitute Paul, the assembly on stage.
         Burt Buchman makes his debut.

  - Paul:  "He.. you know.. he embarrassed me!"
    Jamie: "Well, you embarrass me sometimes."
    Paul:  "When? When did I embarrass you?"
    Jamie: "Pick a day!"
  - Paul:  "Why don't we just get an unlisted phone?"
    Jamie: "Forget it, I already talked to the phone co."
    Paul:  "And?"
    Jamie: "They agree with Burt."

  Guest Characters:
  Burt Buchman, Paul's father  . . .  Louis Zorich
  Mimi, the hummer . . . . . . . . .  Maria Pitillo
  Marshall, the producer . . . . . .  Phil Lamaar
  As themselves  . . . . . . . . . .  Regis and Joy Philbin


1.19       Swept Away

  Jamie thinks that Lisa and her new boyfriend are moving too fast
  in their relationship, so when they decide to move in together
  after a week's acquiantance, she is unable to stay uninvolved.

  Written by:  Steve Paymer
  Directed by: Linda Day
  Tease:       Jamie and Paul reviewing their tax deductions.
  Words:       Actually, willy-nilly.
  Expression:  "So what?"
  Keys:  The look: sexy but not slutty, interested but not
         desperate ("the Madonna whore thing"), Lisa's new job
         (pointing at boats), the Cow and Free Milk expression,
         a psychic bond, dish-night at the movies, another tax
         deduction ("Pumping Irene"), the gravedigger and the
         former boyfriend, being handcuffed to the radiator,
         the key that didn't fit, actuary tables, locusts,
         losing patience with the Earth, the talk on the
         fire-escape, Delia, Amanda and Fiona.

  - Jamie: "Will you tell her what men think when girls give
           it on the first date?"
    Paul:  "Yippee?"
  - Jamie: "They're finished."
    Paul:  "They're finished?"
    Jamie: "I just had this tremendous desire to smoke a cigarette."
    Paul:  "Did you just have an orgasm that I don't know about?"
  - Jamie: "You do these things without thinking!"
    Lisa:  "That's right, that's how I live, I just close
           my eyes and I leap!"
    Jamie: "While I'm running all over town with a net!"
    Lisa:  "Who's Annette?"
  - Lisa:  "Okay, you always say you know what I'm feeling.
           What am I feeling now?"
    Jamie: "I don't know, I've never thought you feel this before."
    Lisa:  "Ah, ha, ha ... I'm HAPPY!"
    Jamie: "Oh-my-God! You are ... How do you like it?"
    Lisa:  "I don't!"

  Guest Characters:
  Michael, Lisa's boyfriend . . . . .  Charles Shaughnessy
  Irwin, the ventriloquist  . . . . .  James W. Sudik
  Woman who hates the quiche  . . . .  Kayla Carr


1.20       The Spy Who Loved Me

  Jamie's new client is a former TV star idolized by Paul
  and Ira in their childhood, and as they revert back to
  the old ways and compete for star attention, Ira wins big.

  Written by:  Billy Grundfest and Paul Reiser
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       Paul calling up the TV repairman.
  Tag:         Ira and Paul reviewing heroines after Spy Girl.
  Keys:  Wearing turtle-necks, Go-go boots and a bazooka,
         Adam West and SCRUM, growing tarragon and whining for
         crushed ice, Jamie is Karen, Paul is Larry, and Ira
         is Irving, Jamie in Viking helmet, Lisa in Go-Go boots,
         Mark's adoration, Ira being used ("that is so cool!"),
         the animated Betty.

  - Ira:   "You're having dinner with Spy Girl?"
    Paul:  "Better, I'm having dinner with her and you're not."
    Jamie: "I'm thinking about camp for you this summer."
  - Jamie: "Oh, go on Ira! Shock me! She loved it, couldn't
           get enough, I had to hold on for dear life!"
  - Mark:  "You look as beautiful today as you did back then!
           You know what you should do, you should do one of
           those exercise videos... or Ibsen!"

  Guest Character:
  Diane Caldwell . . . . . . . . . .  Barbara Feldon


1.21       The Painter

  Jamie hires an ex-boyfriend to paint the apartment and is a bit
  annoyed when Paul is not concerned by the prospect of her old
  flame being alone with her.

  Written by:  Danny Jacobson and Jeffrey Lane
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tease:       The painter is coming... Sherwin Williams?
  Word:        Bounce.
  Keys:  Sherman's toolbox, the Rambo look (statue with pants),
         a snack for Sherman, long walks in the rain, the fish
         in Nantucket, comparing belly-buttons, Ira's head
         (or the blue ball), the busted door, a great save,
         the spur of the moment thing, acting on it, the $7
         crock of mustard, the Alien inside you, an attempt at
         reconciliation, on being Fran and Mark, the quiet hug.

  - Jamie: "Oh my God, you had a jealous fight and he threw you
           through the door! Are you all right?"
    Paul:  "Now why do you assume he would throw me through
           the.. why wouldn't I throw him through the door?"
    Jamie: "Physics!"
  - Mark:  "Hello, Room Service? This is Dr. Devanow from
           Room 618. Listen, I've got to tell ya, this is
           the best club sandwich I've ever had.. [pause]
           No, seriously, be..cause, because the bacon was
           crisp enough to provide traction so that the tomato
           didn't slide... [long pause] Sure, I'll hold!"
  - Jamie: "Did you change these sheets?"
    Paul:  "Believe me!"
    Jamie: "A year of marriage and this is what it took
           to get you to make the bed?"
    Paul:  "See? [pause] Life is full of little surprises."
    Jamie: "Hold me..."

  Guest Character:
  Sherman Williams . . . . . . . . .  Rick Rossovich


1.22       Happy Anniversary [Season Finale]

  At the Buchmans' first anniversary party love blossoms between
  Warren and Connie while Paul tries to turn back the clock, but
  there is no love lost between the now separated Fran and Mark.

  Written by:  Sally Lapiduss and Pamela Eells
  Directed by: Barnet Kellman
  Tag:         Recreated wedding pictures of shoving the cake.
  Word:        Gesture.
  Keys:  The album in the fridge, no talk of Mark, holidays,
         music, sunshine or sex, on being happy only 30% of the
         time, a slick switch at dining table from Fran to Mark,
         recreating the wedding cake: rosettes, ecru and tiers,
         the beautiful thing (word), the old Tux, the dress that
         still fits, the other woman, or possibly a man, getting
         spackled, being obtuse, no battle over Murray, growing
         a garden, the kitchen table (again).

  - Mark:   "Do you know what I'm going to do first?
            I'm going to ride cross-country just like they did
            in The Easy Rider!"
    Paul:   "You bought a motor-cycle?"
    Mark:   "No, a Range Rover.  Can't ride a motor-cycle..
            I don't have an ass."
  - Warren: "I'm not very good at chit-chat."
    Connie: [startled] "Me.. me neither."
    Warren: [pause] "So where do you work?"
    Jamie:  [walking by] "Are you sure I can't get you anything
            to drink?"
    Warren: "When do you have to know by?"
  - Fran:   "You're late!" [slams the door, then reopens it]
    Mark:   "I'm sorry. I had a tough delivery. Triplets! It's
            like pulling 3 pot-roasts out of a Pringle's can."
    Lisa:   "Makes me want to have children!"
    Mark:   [sizing up Jamie] "Say, you look fan..tastic, just
            fantastic! [kisses her]
    Jamie:  "Thanks, go back to your wife! It's so sweet of
            you all to come..."
  - Mark:   "I'm not running, THIS is a rite of passage!"
    Fran:   "You're such an idiot!" [noises from the kitchen]
            "Oh my God! They're at it again."
    Lisa:   "What is this? Everytime they've a party, they're..."
    Mark:   "You see? This is wild, this is spontaneous, this is
            what I mean! This is what Peter Fonda would do in
            The Easy Rider!"
    Fran:   "Easy Rider. Not THE Easy Rider! Oh my God, if you
            can't get the title right, how are you going to
            survive out there?"
  - Paul:   "I can see staring at this face for another 50 years."
    Jamie:  "Really?"
    Paul:   "Oh yah, absolutely!"
    Jamie:  "Even if I get a double-chin?"
    Paul:   "I'll love both of 'em."
    Jamie:  "And grey hair ... and wrinkles."
    Paul:   "Not a problem!"
    Jamie:  "Even if I've false teeth, a moustache, and I drool?"
    Paul:   "Why do you have to push? You've always got to push."

  Supporting Cast: Warren and Connie,
             a David Lynch version of "When Harry Met Sally..."

----------------------------------------------------------------

The Production Team

  Created by:             Paul Reiser and Danny Jacobson
  Executive Producer:     Danny Jacobson
  Co-Executive Producers: Barnet Kellman, Jeffrey Lane,
                          Sally Lapiduss and Pamela Eells
  Producers:              Paul Reiser, Bruce Chevillat
  Co-Producer:            Steve Paymer
  Coordinating Producer:  Marjorie Weitzman Biggs
  Associate Producer:     Craig Knizek
  Script Supervisor:      Victoria Weisbart
  Production Coordinator: Vicki Beck
  Costumes:               Audrey Tannebaum, Jody Tillen
  Art Direction:          Bernard Vyzga
  Photography:            Richard Hissong
  Editing:                Sheila Amos
  Sound Mixing:           Peter Damski

  Writers:   Lisa DeBenedictis, Pamela Eells, Billy Grundfest,
             Danny Jacobson, Jeffrey Lane, Sally Lapiduss,
             Steve Paymer, Paul Reiser and Daryl Rowland.

  Directors: Linda Day, Dennis Erdman, Barnet Kellman and
             Paul Lazarus.

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