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Soc.Culture.British FAQs - Periodic posting

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Subject: Soc.Culture.British FAQs - Periodic posting
Newsgroups: soc.culture.british

See reader questions & answers on this topic! - Help others by sharing your knowledge
Posted-By: auto-faq 3.3 beta (Perl 5.000)
Archive-name: scb/faq
Posting-Frequency: posted on or around the 3rd of each month
Last-modified: 1996/08/11
Version: 1.5
Maintainer: Gwyn Evans <>
        and Barry Twycross <>


                    Last updated:  11 Aug 1997
                      (See end for credits)

1.  What's the difference, if any, between England, Scotland, Britain,
    the U.K. and the British Isles ?

2.  What's the surname of the Royal Family ?  And does Prince Charles's
    passport really give "Prince" as his Occupation/Profession ?

3.  How can you Brits possibly be happy when you're subjects and not
    Citizens, and you don't have a written Constitution ?

4.  What's the best/cheapest way from Heathrow/Gatwick to (delete as
    appropriate) Oxford/Cambridge/London/Gatwick/Heathrow ?

5.  I have a 1 hour layover at Heathrow next month.  Will that be
    enought time to get into London, take a general sightseeing tour,
    and also visit the Tower and Madame Tussaud's ?

6.  Why don't you Brits just stand up and admit your responsibility
    for (delete as appropriate) the crisis in Bosnia / the World War
    II concentration camps / General Lee's defeat at Gettysburg / the
    expulsion of Adam & Eve from the Garden of Eden ?

7.  And while you're at it, why don't you just give the Malvinas and
    Gibraltar back to their rightful Spanish owners ?

8.  What was that ftp site that has the complete rules to Mornington
    Crescent ?

9.   What is marmite?  is it anything like vegemite?

10.  I'm coming to Britain and what precautions should I take with
        my 120V electrical appliances?

11.  Why do you Brits have that silly plumbing in your kitchen
        sink (no mixer taps)/shower (no water pressure/hot water)?

12.  Would you like a hot sexy time with a nubile young college girl?
        Call 1-900-48572-39475-7294 / Would you like to pay some
        incredibly low price for your long distance? call this
        number.....?  [admittedly, these questions aren't unique to
        s.c.british, but they ARE asked frequently]

13.  Who is this Laurence Godfrey, and why is he saying all those
        nasty things about Germans/Canadians/Thais?  [number of this
        question not co-incidental]

14.  I'm looking for my old friend Basil Bloggs of Ashby de la Zouche
        (though he may have moved to Newcastle by now) could you
        help me please?  I haven't heard from him in 32 years...

15.  How dare you Brits criticise the good ole US of A...
        it's only 'cos you're sore that we kicked your sorry asses
        in 1777 and 1814, and then had to help you out when you
        got stuck with that Hitler guy and without the US you'd be
        speaking German by now, and you sat around doing nothing
        until the US taught you how to fight...

16.  What exactly is this Livesey scale I keep reading about?

17.  I have just accepted a 5 year contract in ????. Where is it,
        and what is it like?

18.  What are the words to God Save the Queen /
        Rule Britannia / Jerusalem?  (and a variant, from those who
        don't actually know the title of >Jerusalem< but hum a
        few bars for us)

19.  What's been happening with >>The Archers<< recently?

20.  Why don't you f*ckwits get rid of Betty Windsor?  She's nothing
        but a <insert stream of scatological invective> and a parasite
        on the poor slobs of Britain.  [Admittedly, this question is
        nearly always asked by Seamus O'Tiernagh, but it IS frequently

21.  I am writing a paper but want to go out this evening. Do you
        know anything about this topic, and if you do, could you do
        all my research for me so I don't have the hassle of going
        to the library?"

22.  What does the word "bint"/{etc} mean?

23.  Why do you (Brits) drive on the left / (wrong) side of the road.

24.  Is there an FAQ?

25.  I am looking for the e-mail addresses for the Cabinet Ministers and

        Memebers of Parliment.  [Not strictly a question, but I'll
        accept it as such]

26.  How does a question get in the FAQ?

27.  To settle an argument, could you please let me know if "scone"
       should be pronounced "scone" or "scone".

28.  Just what is British English for 1,000,000,000 (nine zeros)?

29.  What do the Brits generally call citizens of the United States of

30.  How long is a fortnight?

31.  How can you guys exist on a permanent diet of bland, insipid,
        tasteless food?

32.  Do you have cable TV/caravans/hot water/railways/mobile 'phones/etc

        in England?

33.  Do British shops accept US dollars?

34.  Can I bring my M60 machine gun through airport customs?

35.  Does it take more than half an hour to drive from London to

36.  Why do you limeys drink warm beer?

37.  Why do you limeys all sound gay?

38.  Why does it always rain in England?

39.  When is a good time to visit the Queen?

40.  How do you make the perfect cup of tea?

41.  What is the weather like in London in [Jan|Feb|Mar|...|Dec]?

42.  I would like to seek your assistance as how the following American
        English are converted to British English.
                cookie, automobile, mail (noun), truck, elevator,
                apartment, gasoline, janitor, high school, freeway?

Anyone else?

  Nos  1 to  8 compiled by: (Frank D. M. Wilson)
  Nos  9 to 14 compiled by: (Chris Ambidge)
  Nos 15 to 16 supplied by: (J. Reese)
  No 15 extended by: (Jon Livesey)
  No 17 supplied by: (Hywel Phillips)
  Nos 18 to 20 compiled by: (Chris Ambidge)
  No 21 supplied by: (marshallsay timothy)
  No 22 supplied by: (Alec Chambers)
  No 23 supplied by: (Jeff Drabble) (+ Gareth?)
  No 24 supplied by: (Balkan Looney)
  No 25 asked by: ()
  No 26 supplied by: (Ed Fowler) (+ Gareth)
  No 27 asked by: (Simon Groom)
  No 28 asked by: (Joel Rubin)
  No 29 supplied by: (Ed Fowler)
  No 30 supplied by: (Peter Lusby)
  No 31 supplied by: (David Wheeler)
  Nos 32 to 39 compiled by: (Chris Hedley)
  No 40 supplied by: (Simon Patience)
  No 41 supplied by: ()
  No 42 suggested by: (Simon Patience)

September 2002 update - Interesting that only one of these e-mail
addresses still works.  So much for the (non-existent) C***l.

Warm regards

"A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware" - Rupert Brooke - "The

Peter J Lusby
San Diego, California, USA

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