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Greetings, and welcome to the Church of Euthanasia's FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) as of March 20, 1996. This document is constantly evolving. If you have a question that is not answered here, please send it to email@example.com. 1. What is the Church of Euthanasia? 2. Where can I find the Church on-line? a. world-wide web site and mirror b. ftp and gopher archives c. e-mail archive d. SNUFFIT-L mailing list e. talk.euthanasia 3. Where do I get those nifty stickers, buttons, t-shirts, etc.? 4. How do I become a member? 5. Do I have to kill myself? 6. I've already procreated. Can I still join? 7. How can I help? 8. What's the best way for me to kill myself? 9. Why haven't you killed yourself yet? 10. How many members are there? 11. Can I distribute or reprint articles from the Church archives? 12. Where can I get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION? 1. What is the Church of Euthanasia? The Church of Euthanasia is a non-profit educational foundation devoted to restoring balance between Humans and the remaining species on Earth. We believe this can only be accomplished by a massive *voluntary* population reduction, which will require a leap in Human consciousness to a new *species awareness*. The Human population is increasing by one million every four days. This is a net increase of 95 million per year, the current population of Mexico. Even major wars or epidemics hardly dent this rate of growth, and modern wars also have tremendous environmental consequences. It is for these practical reasons, as well as moral ones, that we support only *voluntary* forms of population reduction. The Church has only one commandment, and it is "Thou Shalt Not Procreate." In addition, we have four "pillars" or principles, which are Suicide, Abortion, Cannibalism and Sodomy. Note that cannibalism is only required for those who insist on eating flesh, and is strictly limited to consumption of the *already dead*. Also note that sodomy is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation: fellatio, cunnilingus, and anal sex are all forms of sodomy and are still illegal in many states. 2. Where can I find the Church on-line? a. world-wide web site and mirror The web site contains everything the Church has ever released, including all issues of Snuff It (complete with color photos and graphics), the complete e-sermons, a resources page with links to Church-approved sites, and an on-line catalog with an order form. This is the best way to experience the Church on-line, particularly if your browser supports graphics. The primary web site is http://www.paranoia.com/coe/. The site is also "mirrored" on a considerably faster machine at http://www.envirolink.org/orgs/coe/. b. ftp and gopher archives If you don't have access to the web, or if you want plain text rather than HTML, try the University of Michigan's ETEXT archive: ftp: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Snuffit gopher: gopher.etext.org Zines/Snuffit c. e-mail archive If you're e-mail only, don't despair: our e-mail archive doesn't have everything, but there's enough to keep you busy for a long time. To obtain a list of what's available, send an e-mail (the subject does not matter) to firstname.lastname@example.org containing ONLY the line: index You'll receive a listing of the available files, in alphabetical order. Many systems limit the size of e-mails, and for this reason, the larger files (e.g. Snuff It) are broken up into sections of around 30k each. To request one or more of the files, send an e-mail (again, the subject doesn't matter) to the same address (email@example.com), containing a "get" command for each file you want. For example, to request both parts of Snuff It #1: get snuffit1a get snuffit1b NOTE that the file names are CASE-SENSITIVE (welcome to Unix). Paranoia is a relatively small system, and downtime is not unheard of, so don't expect your file(s) to arrive immediately, but if it's been longer than 24 hours, something's probably wrong. Try again, and if it still doesn't work, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org. d. SNUFFIT-L mailing list SNUFFIT-L is a low-volume (one e-mail per week, on average), *moderated* mailing list. It is primarily used to disseminate Snuff It (surprise), important Church news, occasional e-sermons, and other texts as they become available. To join the list, send an e-mail (the subject doesn't matter) to email@example.com (*NOTE* the different address) containing ONLY the line: subscribe snuffit-l e. talk.euthanasia Somewhere along the way, a Church newsgroup was proposed, and in the process of trying to agree on a name, we discovered that the word "euthanasia" didn't appear in the UseNet hierarchy at all! A grassroots campaign followed, and the talk.euthanasia newsgroup was added to the "big seven" hierarchy in March '95, thanks to the Church's persistent efforts. Unfortunately the group attracts Humanists like flies on crap, so the conversation tends to be dull to say the least. We occasionally try to liven things up a bit by posting sermons or articles from Snuff It. Feel free to lurk there, annoy the Humanists, and flame the idiots who post pro-life messages. The charter is as follows: GOOD DEATH is the real meaning of the Greek word "euthanasia," and in ancient Greece the Hippocratic oath bound all doctors to provide good death, as much as good life. The talk.euthanasia newsgroup will be open to discussion of all aspects of euthanasia, including but not limited to the history, ethics, legality, and practice of suicide and assisted suicide, in cases of terminal illness and otherwise, as well as the wider social implications of voluntary and involuntary euthanasia. Discussion of suicide as a form of mental illness, including suicide prevention, will be directed elsewhere. 3. Where can I get those nifty stickers, buttons, t-shirts, etc.? The world-wide web site includes an on-line catalog with an order form. This is especially useful if you live outside of the United States, as it will calculate the postage for you. If you don't have access to the web, try sending an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org containing ONLY the line: get catalog Unfortunately the coe-request version of the catalog is text-only. This can be awkward for ordering t-shirts, posters, and so forth. You might prefer to send a SASE to the Church for our 4-page printed catalog, which includes pictures of everything, or better yet, send $2 for Snuff It #3 (32 pages), which includes the catalog. Send securely wrapped cash, money orders, or checks to: The Church of Euthanasia P.O.Box 261 Somerville, MA 02143 USA 4. How do I become a member? If you choose to not procreate, you're a member already, but why not make it official? Membership includes a life-time subscription to the printed version of Snuff It, a 28-page e-sermon booklet, and a lovely embossed certificate suitable for framing, all for only $10. Bear in mind that we take our one commandment *very* seriously. Membership implies a lifetime vow to not procreate. Procreation is guaranteed excommunication. There are *no* exceptions; abortion will be required, period. Of course, such difficulties can be avoided by faithful adherence to the fourth pillar (sodomy). 5. Do I have to kill myself? Of course you don't have to kill yourself! If you really want to, though, wait until *after* you've joined the Church. That way, you automatically become a saint, without any additional paperwork. Don't forget to leave a note thanking and/or blaming the Church, and feel free to will us your estate, if you have one. 6. I've already procreated. Can I still join? Absolutely! So long as you don't have any *more*. We have a number of members with children, and we even have a member whose son joined too. What's done is done. What matters is your commitment *now*. 7. How can I help? The most important way you can help is by not procreating. If you feel comfortable taking the lifetime vow, then you should consider officially joining the Church. It would also very helpful if you could manage to abstain from eating flesh. If you like to write and have some "fire in the belly," we can always use guest sermons, articles, and letters to the editor. We prefer submissions by e-mail or diskette (Word Perfect 5.1 or DOS text format) so we don't have to scan or type it in again. If you send a diskette, you might want to include hard copy also just in case we can't read it. We also desperately need money. Propaganda campaigns are expensive! The Church is exempt from federal income tax under 501(a) and 501(c)(3), EIN 04-324-9910. Donations are tax-deductible. Finally, you can help by spreading the word. Talk to people. Proselytize shamelessly. Ask us for flyers, or even better, make your own, and distribute them. Write a letter to the editor of your local paper. Get on the radio or TV. Be a nuisance. Cause trouble. Piss people off, especially your breeding friends. Carpe diem. 8. What's the best way for me to kill myself? This is a hard question, and at least partially beyond the scope of this FAQ. There is no "best" way, only the way that suits *your* needs best. For a complete list of all known methods with incisive commentary on their effectiveness, try the infamous alt.suicide.holiday "methods" file, available from the "On-line Resources" page of our web site, or from http://www.xanthia.com/ash/. The book "Final Exit," by Hemlock Society founder Derek Humphry (email@example.com), is also very helpful. We recommend taking an overdose of sleeping pills and fastening a large plastic trash bag over your head. That way even if the dose isn't enough to kill you, or makes you throw up (a common problem), you still die of asphyxiation. This is by the way the official "Hemlock Society approved" method, and has proved to be very effective and painless. Use a rubber band to fasten the bag around your head. It's best to hold the bag open while you're falling asleep, so you can still breathe and don't panic. After you fall asleep, your grip loosens, the elastic tightens, and presto: you stop breathing. The only hard part is getting the pills (some folks just use the bag, but this is hard-core). If you can't get sleeping pills, you could also try connecting a tube to the exhaust pipe of a car. Run the tube into the car by rolling down one window a bit, and be sure to use tape (duct tape would be good) to seal the space around the tube so there's no leakage. Start up the motor, turn on the radio, and sit back. This one is completely painless, and you will not wake up unless 1. you run out of gas (fill it up first) or 2. someone discovers you (the most common reason why this method doesn't work). It's best to drive somewhere far away from people, which, needless to say, is getting harder and harder to do. 9. Why haven't you killed yourself yet? I just might. Believe me, I think about it every day. But maybe, just maybe, if enough people listen to what we're saying and stop procreating and consuming so much, we might be able to reduce the population and build a more compassionate, sustainable future. Then maybe I won't *need* to kill myself. That hope is the only thing that keeps me alive; if it ever dies, I'll die with it, and you can have front row seats. The real question is how much of your *self* you are willing to sacrifice for the well-being of the remaining species on Earth, as well as future generations of Humans. 10. How many members are there? The Church currently has hundreds of card-carrying members who've taken the vow, plus clergy, directors, and over a thousand "e-members" on the SNUFFIT-L mailing list. We have members as far away as Italy and Latvia, though the majority are in the USA. 11. Can I distribute or reprint articles from the Church archives? Everything we have on the net is yours to use, subject to two conditions: we request that you include the author's name if specified, along with the Church's e-mail, world-wide web, and postal addresses, and if you're *reprinting* rather than quoting or excerpting for use in your own work, we request that you use the material in its entirety. 12. Where can I get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION? The Office of Population Research at Princeton University maintains an emergency contraception web site and toll-free number. Both allow you to get information on the "morning after" pill and other forms of emergency contraception, and then find the clinics, hospitals or doctors nearest you that will prescribe them. Call 1-800-584-9911 or access http://opr.princeton.edu/ec/ec.html right away. *Don't* "wait and see what happens." You only have 72 hours!