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Childfree By Choice Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
See reader questions & answers on this topic! - Help others by sharing your knowledge
Part 1: Terminology, Support, and About the Group
[Huh?] Here is the list of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) for the
alt.support.childfree Usenet newsgroup. This FAQ has been regularly
posted to alt.support.childfree, alt.answers, and news.answers since 1
November 1997. Its master copy is available on the Web at
http://www.ultranet.com/~seiler/cbcfaq.htm. The master copy has internal
and external HTML links to aid in navigation.
This document is now in two parts:
1. Part 1 contains a brief description of terms, a list of support
groups, and a description of this particular support group. It is
meant for people who are not necessarily interested in the Usenet
newsgroup, but are searching for any kind of support toward the
absence of childrearing.
2. Part 2 contains guidelines for posting to this group, and some
responses that childfree people have already made to frequently asked
questions about the desire not to raise children. It is meant for
people who wish to post to the Usenet newsgroup alt.support.childfree.
If you have comments, either post to alt.support.childfree, or e-mail me,
or both. My address is seiler@ma.ultranet.com.
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Disclaimer: The information in this document is a matter of opinion, as is
the entire newsgroup it represents. As such, nobody here takes
responsibility for incorrect or inaccurate information in this document,
beyond correcting the error in the document.
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Contents:
* Terminology:
1. What's the difference between childfree and childless?
2. I'm infertile; can I be childfree?
3. What do all those acronyms and other strange terms mean?
* Support:
1. How difficult is it to get a tubal/vasectomy or hysterectomy?
2. Where else can I go for support?
* About the Group:
1. What is the charter statement of alt.support.childfree, and why
should I care?
2. Why does alt.support.childfree exist?
3. So, you all hate children?
4. Don't people hate you for your unpopular stance?
Part 2: Posting Guidelines, Snappy Comebacks, and Links
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* Terminology:
1. What's the difference between childfree and childless?
+ "Childless" people want them and physically can't, or don't
have them and are thinking about having them. "Childfree"
people don't want them, don't have them and are positive
they don't want them. (Rabbit)
+ Childfree means that you don't have children, aren't going
to have children, and are happy about this. Childless means
that you don't have children, aren't going to have children,
and wish you could. Personally, I think both words and the
distinction between them are *extremely* useful. (Jennie
D-O'C)
2. I'm infertile; can I be childfree?
+ If you've decided that you don't want children, you're
childfree, regardless of whether or not you're actually
fertile and have to therefore work hard at *staying*
childfree. (Jennie D-O'C)
+ I am child free - I made a choice despite my subfertility. I
am not childless - I could still have a child, but, I don't
want to have a child on anybody's terms but my own. My life
is fulfilled and complete without children,
thankyouverymuch. (Cinnamontoast)
3. What do all those acronyms and other strange terms mean?
+ CBC and CFC = Childfree By Choice, meaning we really Really
want no children. Most people who post to
alt.support.childfree are not only proud of being CBC, we're
smug about it.
+ The following terms may appear in message headers, to help
categorize messages. If you use these terms in your messages
headers when appropriate, many people who just skim the
newsgroup will appreciate it.
+ XP = crosspost.
+ OT = off topic (according to the group charter).
+ TR = Troll Response.
+ For many other terms one might encounter in
alt.support.childfree, such as "PNB", "BNP", "breeder" and
"sprog", check out the ASCF "Lexicon of Spawn" at:
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Quarter/7404/.
* Support:
1. How difficult is it to get a tubal/vasectomy or hysterectomy? How
bad is the scarring from a tubal ligation? How soon can I (go to
work, exercise, bungee-jump) after a tubal ligation?
+ I had a much easier time, before and after my tubal, than I
thought I would. My primary-care dr. approved my request for
a tubal referral (at the ripe old age of 27 ;> ) with very
few questions asked. I had the surgery on a Friday, and was
back to work on Monday. By that time, I didn't even need
painkillers, although I couldn't do any heavy lifting for
about two weeks after I got my tubes tied. Physically, it's
pretty much business as usual--I have a normal sex drive, I
ovulate, I have normal menstrual cycles. Emotionally, I've
decided my family's problems with my decision are just
that--THEIR problems--and I do not need to make them MINE. I
know I made the right choice for me. (Marisa Wood)
+ Keep in mind that the rate of failure for a tubal is much
higher than doctors are willing to admit, and the rate of
failure is higher the younger you are. Make sure that your
doctor uses the absolute most dependable method. If he jokes
around about failure, tell him to drop dead and find
yourself a doctor who cares about your desire to avoid
pregnancy. (Anonymous)
+ It (the vasectomy) was most undignified. But painless at the
time. And it doesn't hurt much now, though it is a bit
uncomfortable sitting around with ice in my pants. My only
regret about the surgery is that I waited this long to do
it. (Karl Zadoc)
+ In my experience, if you're female, doctors will at the very
least ask you lots of personal questions and make you
undergo psychological counseling if you want to try to get a
tubal before you've had children. Most will refuse you
outright. I find this extremely ironic, since it's possible
to choose to change your life permanently and become a
*parent* as early as fourteen or so, but if a healthy
28-year-old woman wants to get herself sterilized, that's
not allowed. (Jennie D-O'C)
2. Where else can I go for support?
+ Planned Parenthood -- that's who helped me out. (Rabbit)
+ The "LivingFree" messageboard
(http://www.dork.com/livingfree/) is available, as is its
companion board, "Living Childfree - is it for me?"
(http://www.dork.com/livingfree/lcfindex.html).
The first one is for people who have made a decision and
want to hang out with cf and cf-friendly types, but talk
about lotsa stuff, not just being cf. The second one is a
place for fencesitters and cfers to interact, specifically
on the topic on living cf. (Sarah)
* About the Group:
1. What is the charter statement of alt.support.childfree, and why
should I care?
+ The charter statement is as follows:
alt.support.childfree provides information, discussion and a
supportive environment for people who choose or are in the
process of choosing to remain child-free. This is not a
newsgroup for anyone trying to bash the childless state;
here, being childless is not something that has to be
defended. (Control message posted by Jonathan Grobe, 12
January 1996.)
+ Violation of a newsgroup charter is considered to be abusive
behavior by many ISPs. For instance, Deja News states:
'Examples as to what may be considered abusive situations
are: articles off-topic to the group's charter, ...
'If you are claiming that the article is "off-topic" and in
violation to the group charter, please include the charter's
posting outlines or an URL to the location of the group's
charter.' (From the Frequently Asked Questions for Deja
News. Our charter's URL is
http://www.ultranet.com/~seiler/cbcfaq.htm#charter.)
2. Why does alt.support.childfree exist?
+ There are lots of things in this world that bug people
(isn't there even a site on the net for discussion of
nothing but peeves??), and I think this newsgroup just gives
CBC'rs a place to rant about things that bug them regarding
kids, parents, and people who nose into their lifestyle. I
believe (at least I hope) that it is nothing more sinister
than that. (Liz Guzzi)
+ Because we need a place to vent. If somebody's child rams a
mini shopping cart into the back of my legs, or a child at
the next table in a restaurant wanders around and screams,
or someone changes a diaper on the bench in the ice cream
parlor, I'm not the type of person to create a scene. I'm
seething inside, but I generally keep my mouth shut. That's
not healthy. If I mention at work or among other people that
these things annoyed me today, I'm just as likely to hear,
"Well, what do you expect? They're just children." I don't
want to hear that. I want to hear, "Hey, what a jerk that
parent was, let me tell you about the one that tore all the
posters we'd just put up today". I can come here to a.s.cf,
moan about it, and people will commiserate. (Rabbit)
+ To provide a place that being childfree is a *given*.
(Jennie D'O-C)
3. So, you all hate children?
+ I do. The next poster doesn't. But then, I hate metalhead
music, Brussels sprouts, small foreign cars, McDonald's, and
that song from 'Titanic", and no one gives me a hard time
about it ... (Rabbit)
+ What it all boils down to for me is that I don't tend to
like interacting with people who think that the world
revolves around them. Since the vast majority of young
children don't yet have the cognitive skills to realize that
this isn't the case, I'd rather not have anything to do with
them. (Jennie D-O'C)
+ Chilllllll-druuuuuuun are quite nice actually. With bernaise
sauce and a good Merlot. 8) (Marisa Wood)
4. Don't people hate you for your unpopular stance?
+ Some do. That's why there's a need for support. (Rabbit)
+ I've had more trouble with being misunderstood than with
being hated. Not that that's exactly fun, either. (Jennie
D-O'C)
+ Some do, mainly out of jealousy that they weren't smart or
thinking enough to make this same choice for themselves.
(Glenna99)
+ Oh come now, it's not like we're proposing to ship our
surplus children to the Congo for famine relief or anything.
Despite the answers you see above, some of us actually get
along nicely with lots of parents, some of whom have
actually posted to this newsgroup. (Scott Eiler)
Part 2: Posting Guidelines, Snappy Comebacks, and Links
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Copyright 2000, by the authors mentioned above.
-------- Scott Eiler B{D> -------- http://www.ultranet.com/~seiler
The two things most often said about Lincoln (Nebraska) are it's very clean
and it's a great place to raise children. If reproduction is not your aim,
at least you won't step in anything distasteful.
-- From the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy entry on Lincoln, Nebraska,
USA (http://www.h2g2.com/A296165).
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