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alt.fan.letterman The Official David Letterman Song Book


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Archive-name: letterman/songs/list
Last-modified: Tue Jul 11 12:37:28 CDT 1995
Version: 1.06

See reader questions & answers on this topic! - Help others by sharing your knowledge
==========================================================================
         The alt.fan.letterman Official David Letterman Song Book
==========================================================================

Send your submissions to Aaron Barnhart (letterman@mcs.net)

==========================================================================

This Song Book is available via anonymous FTP at 
	ftp.mcs.net:/mcsnet.users/barnhart/letterman/
	  alt.fan.letterman.songbook.txt


==========================================================================

The David Letterman Theme Song (as sung by Bill Murray)
-------------------------------------------------------

      It's a late night show starring Dave,
      Dave Letterman, Indianapolis' own,
      Silly skits, music and guests,
      Is Bud Melman for real, hey man I don't know
      It's news and it's sports, It's weather reports,
      Tryin so hard to please you,
      It's good for the farmers, milkmen and snake charmers,
      There's even a chuckle or two,
      It's The Dave Letterman show,
      TV's crazy funny man,
      Where is that Marvin Albert with his bloopers,
      Your gonna love, love that Dave, love is Dave,  Here comes Dave!


The David Letterman Theme Song (as sung by Paul Shaffer)
--------------------------------------------------------

Gerson Koenig explains:
There was a viewer mail letter once from a guy who had a public access
show and had his own lyrics for the song, which he used on said show.
I can't remember any of his lyrics, but Paul came back with his own
set of lyrics that went something like this:

      Down in Melbourne, F-L-A,
      Some guy named Bill(?) is ripping me off.
      And don't you know now, my lawyers say legally
      That Bill's house and car belong to me.


Late Night World of Love
------------------------

      There's a cool breeze blowin'.
      You can feel it 'cross the land.
      It's surfin' fun,
      A dad and son,
      A place where you can stand.

      And Late Night is the reason
      Our forefathers fought with pride.
      It's clear blue skies,
      Grandma's eyes,
      A feeling that's deep inside.

      [chorus]
      It's a Late Night world.
      It's a world that we can share.
      So turn on your TV
      And watch it with me.
      It's a Late Night world of love.

      There's a whole new generation
      Who are willing to say "yes."
      It's soups and stews,
      A wall of shoes,
      A thing called "happiness."

      So change the channel, change your life.
      It doesn't cost a thing.
      We're talking loud,
      We're standing proud,
      Now join us as we sing.

      [repeat chorus]


The Viewer Mail Theme
---------------------

      Viewer Mail, Viewer Mail,
      Friday is the day we read viewer mail.
      First we read them, Then we answer them, 
      That's the little thing we call Viewer Mail


Lettermania (by Carl Reiner)
----------------------------

      Lettermania,
      Lettermania,
      (repeat 100 times)
      Let your Lettermania go!
 


Car and Truck Rental Song
-------------------------
      Travel with ease, rent a car.
      Carry a load, rent a truck.
      We supply the latest models.
      Rent a car or a truck from us. 

      (Thanks Mark Volmer)


Yeah!
-----

      Yeah! (repeat as desired)


Bermuda
-------

      Bermuda!
      It's a cuckoo kind of place,
      A nutty, nutty kind of space.
      Bermuda!

Up With Hal Gurnee
------------------

      What's up with Hal Gurnee?
      He is our kind of guy.
      So what's up with Hal Gurnee?
      The best friend that money can buy!

GE Theme Song
-------------

      You can put your confidence
      In the brand of excellence,
      The household appliances
      That bear the name GE!

The CBS Mailbag Song (stolen from the old Perry Como show)
--------------------

      Letters
      We get letters
      We get stacks and stacks of letters


The Strong Guy, The Fat Guy, The Genius 
 ---------------------------------------

The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius
God gave them each a special gift at birth
They break it, they eat it, they solve it
That's the reason they were put upon this Earth

A Lobster...he'll punch it!
Some Corn...he'll munch it!
The Genius...man that guy is really smart
Mr. Strong Guy, Mr. Fat Guy, Mr. Genius
We thank you from the bottom of our heart

The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius
God gave them each a special gift at birth
They break it, they eat it, they solve it
That's the reason they were put upon this Earth

One's strong, one's fat, one's a genius
There's nothing they don't break or eat or know
Nobody's sure where they came from
Nobody's sure where they might go

A Drum...he'll break it!
A Plum...he'll eat it!
A Sum...he'll add it in his head
Mr. Strong Guy, Mr. Fat Guy, Mr. Genius
You walk where weak thin  dumb guys  fear to tread

The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius
God gave them each a special gift at birth
They break it, they eat it, they solve it
That's the reason they were put upon this Earth

The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius
God gave them each a special gift at birth
They break it, they eat it, they solve it
That's the reason they were put upon this Earth

He'll break...any item!
Raw eggs...he'll bite 'em!
No question...can stump his mighty brain
Mr. Strong Guy, Mr. Fat Guy, Mr. Genius
Three rays of hope in a world thats gone insane

He'll bust it...first try!
Hey bunny...good bye!
Reindeer?  His face shows no concern
Mr. Strong Guy, Mr. Fat Guy, Mr. Genius
You help expectin' nothing in return

The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius
God gave them each a special gift at birth
They break it, they eat it, they solve it
That's the reason they were put upon this Earth
That's the reason they were put upon this Earth
That's the reason they were put upon this Earth!
Hhhaaaaa!

(Thanks Dan Best)

The Turban Is Not For Sale
--------------------------

"The Turban is not for sale" refers to a sketch on Late Show with David 
Letterman about a month ago.  Our TV Pal was doing a quiz in which one of 
the answers was "the turban is not for sale."  It wasn't particularly funny 
in and of itself, but Dave remarked (as I recall) that that phrase sounds 
like it might have come from a song somewhere.  Paul chipped in, and over 
the next few seconds they put together the following, sung to the tune of
"Farmer in the Dell":

     The turban is not for sale
     The turban is not for sale
     How many times have I told you guys
     The turban is not for sale!

...and they were so excited by this that they did it numerous times 
throughout the show.

	(Thanks Will Irace and Brian Peek)


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Pea-Boy Theme Song - Copyright (c) 1994 by Marvin Hamlisch
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
(Spoken)
 
A year ago, you asked me to write a song for a special friend, who 
ran onto your show, and stole the hearts of people everywhere.  His 
name...Pea-Boy, and this is his song.
 
Gimme an A!
Gimme a B!
Gimme a... <whistle>

(Sung)
 
Pea-Boy, can't you see, boy,
All the great news that you spread,
Everyone waits, so don't hesitate,
We love it when you aim right at our head!
 
Some think you look funny,
But sonny, that's simply not true!
So if someone's gotta grow up, and be a pea,
 
I don't care as long as it's,
I don't care as long as it's,
I'm glad that it's <oh> that it's you!

	(Thanks John Neuharth)


Dress Cool
----------
words and music by Paul Shaffer, Will Lee, Sid McGinnis & Steve Jordan
performed by The World's Most Dangerous Band

Up at 8 to go downtown
Special date was goin' down
Had to be on time to meet Sade

She was late but dressed so fine
Said "I look great; you look like slime
Problem's not your personality"

What was I supposed to do
Thought I had it made with you
Can't forget those words she said to me, yeah
She said

Dress cool
Dress cool
Like your life depended on it

Dress cool
Dress for success
Look like you really want it

Dress up
Dress up, go anywhere
Dress down
Dress down like you just don't care
Let your body be your tool	
Dress cool

Saw a picture of my grandpa
You should've seen just what I saw
He was rich but dressed so raggedy

The cat is dead, the point is moot
But if he had been wearin' that zoot suit
He would surely be alive today

Now I don't want to sound too rude
But I do not want to be snail food
I got to clean my act up right away -- hey

Dress cool
Dress cool like your life depended on it

Dress cool
Dress for success
Look like you really want it

Dress up
Dress up, go anywhere	
Dress down
Dress down like you just don't care
Say you're from Liverpool
Dress cool

Wakin' up a little extra early
Laying out my wardrobe in the sun
Ironing out life's little lines and creases
Who said making video is fun?

(guitar solo)

Dress cool
Dress cool like your life depended on it

Dress cool
Dress for success
Look like you really want it

Dress up
Dress up, go anywhere
Dress down
Dress down like you just don't care
Let your body be your tool	
Dress cool
(repeat)

	(Thanks Synth F. Oberheim aka synth@yuri.abq.nm.us)

Small Town News
---------------

What's my favorite segment
of the David Letterman Show?
It's got me all in a whirl...

It's a thing called news,
but not just any kind,
It's Small Town News.


Dumb Ads
________

Dumb Ads,
These are Dumb Ads,
Those koo-koo ads,
Those nutty ads...

	(Thanks Mike Southworth)

Kitties (To the tune of "Memories")
-----------------------------------
Midnight, and the kitties are sleeping
dowstairs by the furnace
while birdies are cheeping.

	(thanks Bob Kupiec)

Pasty White Thighs
------------------

(Dave told a joke in the monologue one night about what Americans who
were surveyed would like to see the President do.  The punchline was
that 37% of them would like to see him "do something about those pasty
white thighs of his."  That led to this lounge lizard special spun by
Dave and Paul.)

Pasty white thighs
You've got those pasty white thighs
We love them so
You've got those pasty white thighs
Do something about those pasty white thighs
And leave that deficit alone!

(Next came a "New Books" segment for which Paul made up this theme:)

New Books
---------

[to the theme from "Bewitched"]

New books
New books
Dave reads one every day
New books
New books
That's all we've got to say
They may be intel-lec-tu-al
Or maybe good for a laugh
But one thing's for sure --
Pasty white thighs !!

(Later that night the Top 10 list was about the Clintons, lord knows
the subject, I've forgotten, but Number 1 was changed to, "His pasty
white thighs."  Kind of nutty.)

Dave's Neighborhood (by Marvin Hamlisch)
----------------------------------------

There is a special place in this universe
Not far from all the tinsel and the glitter.
That's spitting distance from Times Square
If you're a real good spitter!

Where can you buy a pizza pie delivered by Rockettes?
Or meet a bouncer from a topless bar you won't forget?
And where does Alex sell her bagels, lox and cream cheese spread?
Where can you get a Xerox copy of Fern Chapnick's head? 

(Chorus)
Where?
Dave's neighborhood!  <wow!>
Dave's neighborhood!  <gosh!>
Everyone's a Broadway star in Dave's neighborhood!

If you need a great tuxedo, Bart Dadon's the guy to see.
For a great cup of coffee you can turn to Rupert Jee.
Mr. Elo sells TVs and VCRs and he's no fool.
And no one wears a suit like Mujibur and Sirajul!

(repeat the chorus)

By now you get the picture
But in case you don't catch on
We saved it for posterity upon the Jumbotron

Where?
Dave's neighborhood!  <wow!>
Dave's neighborhood!  <gosh!>
Doesn't matter who you are...
You can be a superstar...
Everyone's a Broadway star in Dave's Neighborhood!

	(Thanks Karen Owen and Brad Nathan)


Last Song on NBC (by Paul Shaffer)
----------------------------------
Sooooooo, make it one for you, Davie  
And one more for that road,
That long long long, cuckoo nutty long
Ro-o-o-oad.

	(Thanks Steph at menudo.uh.edu)


Supermarket Finds (by Paul Shaffer)
-----------------------------------

(To the tune of "Strangers in the Night:")

Supermarket finds,
exchanging glances,
SUPER-market fi-inds!...

					(thanks Tom Celentano)


Hypmotized and Naked
--------------------

(Yet another riff on an unexpected new phrase coined by Dave.)

I'm hypnotized and naked,
Down at the grocery store.
I used to have some clothes on,
But they ain't on no more.

I'm hypnotized and naked,
And you know, it's a lot of fun.
I'm hypnotized and naked,
And now my song is done.

	(Thanks Mike Southworth)

You Kill Me
-----------

(From the 2nd Annual Holiday Film Festival, title track to a short
directed by Merrill Markoe, performed by Paul and the boys.)

         There I was in my everyday routine
         Agonizing
         Rationalizing
         There you were, looking fine as you can be
         Mesmerizing
         Nautilizing
         Fate interceded out of the blue
         You looked at me
         I looked back at you, back at you

         -chorus-
         Yeah! You kill me
         Got to do the things that thrill me
         I don't know why you do it
         How you put me through it
         Stop - you kill me.

         There we were, livin' happily
         I was into you
         You were into me
         Every day was sweeter than before
         I wanna be loved
         You give me more
         Love can be funny, sometimes you just can't see
         What's right for you
         Is just too much for me, too much for me

         (repeat chorus)

         They say that everything must change
         But this is such a shame
         Why did we let it get so-
              "Babe you best be chillin'
               Else why'd you be killin'"

         (instrumental break)

         Life goes on, no matter what you say
         Or what you do
         You know it's true
         After all, it's still just you and me
         Been around the world
         Nothin' left to see
         The verdict's in, defendant tried
         I find you guilty
         Convict you of love homicide
         Cut and dried
         Can't be denied
         I can't let you slide

         (repeat chorus)

         Alright
         You (you kill me)
         Yeah you (you kill me)
         You (ah, you kill me)
         Yeah you (you kill me)
         You (you kill me)
         Yeah you (let's get right on out of here, man)
         You (actually)
         Yeah you

         (Thanks Wayne Snell)


The "Miss Humidity" Tribute
---------------------------
Kara Catherwood writes:  "It's been many years since they've played
this, I found the song so hauntingly beautiful that I wrote the
words down at the time.  They had a camera outside during a God-awful
hot day looking for someone to be Miss Humidity, and here is the
theme:"

I don't recall exactly how we knew you were the one,
But somehow you stood out beneath that shining summer sun.
Or could it be the way you say "No sweat", 
and yet, you do?
Miss Humidity!  That's you!

(Kara adds: "It was performed by Paul alone.  What a talent!")

 
Dave's Rocks and Minerals
------------------------
Dave's rocks and minerals
Dave's minerals and rocks
He's got an awful lot of them
Keeps them in a box
He's got granite
Magnetite
Copper, quartz, and zinc
Time for Dave's Rock Collection
In the pink
Ratfink
Whatta you think?
 
(Thanks Mark Michalovic)


Warning Labels
--------------

Well, I wake up in the morning
just in time to hear the warning
Warning labels!
Warning labels!
Well, I'm willing and I'm able
to respect the warning label
Warning labels!
Warning labels!

(Thanks Kevin Nagle)

Loopy On Bus Fumes
------------------
(To the tune of "Ain't Misbehavin'")

                Loopy on bus fumes
                  It's really so nice, you see
                Loopy on bus fumes
                  Saving my love for you.

(Thanks Kevin Nagle)

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