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soc.culture.jewish.parenting FAQ: Newsgroup Policies and Procedures

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	    Frequently Asked Questions on Soc.Culture.Jewish.Parenting
		      Newsgroup Policies and Procedures
	      [Last Change: Mon Oct 30 08:38:00 US/Pacific 2000]
	       [Last Post: Sat Feb 21 11:07:02 US/Pacific 2004]

This posting is a summary of the purpose and policies of the moderated
newsgroup soc.culture.jewish.parenting (and the equivalent gatewayed mailing
list). It does not answer questions about Judaism itself; the
soc.culture.jewish FAQs and Reading Lists should be consulted for that
purpose. It also does not answer general childrearing questions; the various FAQs (posted regularly to should be consulted for
that purpose.

This list should be used in conjunction with the Soc.Culture.Jewish FAQ and
Reading lists, and the FAQs that are posted separately.

Subject: Organization The following is a summary list of all the questions asked in the FAQ. Section 1. What Is Soc.Culture.Jewish.Parenting 1.1. Why is this group called soc.culture.jewish.parenting? 1.2. What is the charter for soc.culture.jewish.parenting? 1.3. How did soc.culture.jewish.parenting get started? 1.4. What topics are appropriate for soc.culture.jewish.parenting? 1.5. What topics are *not* appropriate for soc.culture.jewish.parenting? 1.6. What discussion about circumcision is allowed? 1.7. How should I respond to inappropriate articles? 1.8. Can non-Jews post to soc.culture.jewish.parenting? 1.9. (Hebrew Usage) I have a question nogaiah hilchos... 1.10. I see a lot of MLA (Multi-Letter Acronyms) in this group. What do they mean? 1.11. I can't get USENET news. Can I still read this group? 1.12. Someone used the term Xtian, and I'm offended. What should I do? 1.13. What are the Do's and Don'ts? Section 2. Moderation Policies 2.1. Why is S.C.J.P moderated? 2.2. Who are the moderators for S.C.J.P? 2.3. How do I submit an article? 2.4. When I submit an article, how is a moderator selected? 2.5. Why do moderators reject articles? 2.6. What are some tricks to writing acceptable articles? 2.7. I disagree with the rejection. What should I do now? 2.8. Can you give me examples of good and bad questions? 2.9. How do moderators handle borderline cases? Section 3. Moderation Management 3.1. How are moderators chosen? 3.2. How are problem moderators handled? 3.3. What happens when a moderator or advisor resigns? 3.4. How may a new moderator or advisor be added to the pool? All portions of the FAQ are organized as digests, and should be undigestifyable by software such as Gnus or rn. Please report any difficulties.
Subject: Introduction to Section 1 ====================================================================== Section 1. What is Soc.Culture.Jewish.Parenting? ====================================================================== This section of the FAQ addresses the reasons behind the newsgroup and summarizes the acceptable topics.
Subject: 1.1. Why is this group called soc.culture.jewish.parenting? When the planning committee for the proposed newsgroup was initially formed, contact was made with the group mentors. As a result of discussions between the group mentors and the planning committee, two principle names emerged:, and soc.culture.jewish.parenting. Group mentors and the committee both favored the version of the name, so a draft request for discussion and moderation guidelines were written and posted to for review. This resulted in a strong response from A number of regular participants were upset with the version of the name. Reasons that were given included: o The proposed name might be perceived as an ethnic, religious, or cultural "split" of the group. Many participants in feel such a split is undesirable as it risks weakening the multi-cultural nature of the parent group. o The proposed name might open the door for other groups potentially detrimental to o The group's existance in the hierarchy might lead other ethnicities to feel they are unwelcome in the main group. o The multicultural aspects of might lead the group to be less focused on the concern of raising Jewish children, and more focused on interactions with Jewish children. o Being the sole "jewish" group in would require that Judaism be interpreted as broadly as possible. As a result, the planning committee conducted a straw poll of, soc.culture.jewish, and news.groups to determine if there was a preference for the name. This poll showed: Yes: 151 Are you in favor of a moderated newsgroup for discussing No: 12 Jewish Parenting Issues with a charter similar to the one Abstain: 1 posted concurrently with this poll, providing it is proposed Don't Care: 3 with a name you consider acceptable? m.k.i.j: 41 What do you think the most appropriate name for the proposed s.c.j.p: 69 group is? no pref: 40 Other: 11 m.k.i.j: 37 Which of these names do you object to strongly enough that you s.c.j.p: 3 would vote against the group *solely on the basis of its name* both: 2 if it were proposed with the indicated name? neither: 115 abstain: 1 Undecided: 7 This indicated a strong support for the concept of the group, and a strong positive feeling for the soc.culture.jewish version of the name. There was also support for the version of the name, but almost equal strong negative feelings about it. Thus, the planning committee selected the name SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH.PARENTING, as it had the least negative opposition and the strongest support. The underlying reasons for this decision were: o The Soc.Culture hierarchy is already divided on the basis of culture. o The Soc.Culture hierarchy is the appropriate place for cultural and religious discussions. o Placing the group in the soc.culture.jewish hierarchy might provide a stronger identification with Judaism. o Associating with soc.culture.jewish increases the acceptability of a stronger emphasis on religious practice, as contrasted to cultural practice within the group. o Associating with soc.culture.jewish increases the likelihood that it will be a place where Jews can talk to other Jews about Jewish issues [this implies nothing about the readership, other than it is likely to be heavily Jewish]. o Placement in the soc.culture.jewish hierarchy is anticipated to reduce the need to explain Judaism and Jewish practices. o The group appears to be focused on Jewish issues in parenting, rather than parenting issues for Jews. In anticipated questions, the Jewish issues take precedence over the parenting issues. o The group has a closer tie to the soc.culture.jewish FAQ, as demonstrated by the fact that questions in the "Judiasm and Children" portion of the S.C.J FAQ will be accepted in the group, whereas questions typically found in the FAQs would be unacceptable. o It takes a community to raise a child. Placement of the new group within the s.j.c hierarchy may foster the sharing of that expertise for the raising of children within that community. o Many anticipated posters define themselves as Jews. o The group is likely to be of interest primarily to Jews, to people in relationships with Jews, and to people raising Jewish children. o Individuals looking for groups with Jewish content will be more likely to look in soc.culture.jewish than o Individuals knowledgable about Jewish culture and practice would more readily participate in a soc.culture.jewish.* newsgroup
Subject: 1.2. What is the charter for soc.culture.jewish.parenting? [Paragraph numbers are provided for later reference.] [P1] This group is intended to provide a forum for discussing issues specific to rearing children within a Jewish context. Topics for discussion are expected to range from very specific requests for advice and information to broader questions about Jewish education and practice. In the context of soc.culture.jewish.parenting, the phrase "within a Jewish context" is intended to indicate either an environment in which the child's primary belief system is Judaism (without regard to the belief systems of the child's caretakers), or the Jewish aspects of a multifaith child's environment. Also, for the purposes of this newsgroup a broad definition of Judaism is used, ranging from Humanistic Judaism to more traditional forms, but excluding combined faith systems such as "Messianic Judaism" (sic). [P2] The group will be moderated. Submissions in the following areas will not be accepted: o [P2.1] Questions or statements attacking, showing a lack of respect for, or questioning the fundamental Jewish validity of an individual's outlook, affiliation, or practices. o [P2.2] Posts that criticize a parent for *ANY* circumcision decision made for their son. o [P2.3] Medical arguments for or against circumcision. o [P2.4] Questions unrelated to Jewish traditions and practices in the context of raising a child (with one exception: introductions of participants). o [P2.5] Submissions that attack an individual as opposed to an individual's position. [P3] The second goal of moderation is to keep the group focused on its topic area. To that end: - [P3.1] Regional announcements and commercial product reviews are permitted on a limited basis. Commercial announcements are not permitted. - [P3.2] Questions regarding general practices of Judaism not pertaining to raising children will be directed to soc.culture.jewish or other appropriate groups. - [P3.3] Extended discussions about halacha (religious law) will be directed to soc.culture.jewish if a discussion no longer deals with parenting-related issues. - [P3.4] Questions pertaining to general parenting practices will be directed to or other appropriate groups. - [P3.5] Questions and discussions regarding how to raise children in an intercultural environment are considered appropriate only insofar as they focus on Jewish aspects of the child's upbringing. Discussions concerning combining Judaism with other faiths are inappropriate for soc.culture.jewish.parenting and will be referred to more appropriate groups. - [P3.6] Questions about non-Jewish religious traditions will be directed to the appropriate religion-focused newsgroup (e.g., alt.messianic, soc.religion.christian, and so forth).
Subject: 1.3. How did soc.culture.jewish.parenting get started? S.C.J.P is the product of a small group of individuals who realized the need for the newsgroup during discussions on around March 1995. Calls to establish a planning committee occurred around that time; the final planning committee consisted of the following individuals: Alpert, Tom <> Faigin, Daniel <> Harwood, Amy Uhrbach <> Herrera, Andrea <> Karlovsky, Gail <> Kozierok, Robyn <> Murphy, Layne <> Peskin, Marjorie <> Pitesky, Jo <pitesky@mira.ASTRO.Ucla.EDU> Rand, Michael <> Rifas, Shari <> Salkin, Nina <> Shulman, Sherri <> Stillinger, Connie <> Weintraub, Steve <> Kate Gregory <> served as the news.groups mentor for the planning committee. During the official discussion periods, Daniel Faigin maintained the FAQ and official documents, and developed the random moderation perl script. In June and July 1995, discussions took place on to finalize the group's name and fine tune the RFD. This culminated in a straw poll to determine the final name. In August 1995, the official RFD was posted to news.groups. The usual discussion took place, and the Call for Votes was issued on September 3, 1995. Voting concluded on September 26, 1995, with the following results: There were 348 YES votes and 28 NO votes, for a total of 376 valid votes. There were 2 abstains and 9 invalid ballots.
Subject: 1.4. What topics are appropriate for soc.culture.jewish.parenting? o Activities for children related to Jewish life- or year- cycle events: For example, looking for holiday recipes that children can cook, ideas for tzedakah, costuming ideas for Purim. o Jewish educational material: books, videos, etc. o Approaches to Jewish education: choosing a good Jewish day school, etc. o Dealing with cultural issues: being Jewish in a non-Jewish society, dealing with antisemitism. o Teaching children Judaism: when to start prayers, how to answer halachic questions, etc. o Halachic questions: Specific halachic questions relating to children. For example, dealing with kashrus problems, dealing with shabbat and play. Questions concerning life- and year- cycle events for children. o Rites of Passage: Announcements of children's Jewish rites of passage are welcome in soc.culture.jewish.parenting. Brief birth announcements (which should be cross-posted to or if you are known there too) will also be accepted. o Interactions: Questions about the interaction of non-Jewish children with children raised in a Jewish environment will be accepted. o Introductions: Introductions of newsgroup participants build a sense of community between the participants. o Parenting Practices. The effectiveness of parenting practices and strategies in achieving specifically Jewish goals, such as the development of an inner sense of morality and self-control no later than age 12/13. o Significant Regional Announcements and Commercial Product Reviews. Such announcments are permitted on S.C.J.P subject to the following rules: a) For all announcements, a subject-line keyword system will be enforced. All announcements will have a "Followup-To:" of "poster". Keyword: ANNOUNCE: b) Announcements from companies touting commercial products (including Jewish films and videos) will not be permitted, however, parental reviews of such products are encouraged, but will be noted with a keyword: REVIEW: c) Regional announcements of significant regional events that are appropriate for the group, such as concerts, will be permitted, but must clearly indicate the region in the title. Keyword: REGION ANNOUNCE (area): These have a size limitation of 40 lines plus contact and schedule information. d) Regional announcements for small community events such as Purim Carnivals will not be accepted. Soc.culture.jewish.parenting will welcome questions and discussions all along the spectrum of Jewish theologies, philosophies and affiliations, including but not restricted to Orthodox, Conservative/Traditional, Reform, Reconstructionist and Humanistic branches as well as cultural Judaism.
Subject: 1.5. What topics are *not* appropriate for soc.culture.jewish.parenting? [Paragraph references are to the charter] Submissions will be judged according to their content, not the identity of the author. All posts that conform to the target content, as described in this FAQ, are welcome. o Attacks. Postings that attack individuals as opposed to an individual's position and posts that contain obviously slanderous and false statements will be refused, based on the prohibitions against "lashon hara" and "motzei shem ra" (viz. the Talmudic prohibitions against insulting your fellows, causing them embarrassment, or slandering them). [P2.1, P2.2, P2.5] o Birth Stories. Although S.C.J.P accepts announcements of birth and Jewish rites of passage, it is not the forum for the general "birth story". Birth stories should go to or [P2.4] o Proselytizing. Submissions that proselytize for non-Jewish movements (which, for the purposes of this group, include groups accepting the Christian Scripture as sacred scripture such as Jews for Jesus and "Messianic" Judaism) will not be accepted, although submissions from members of such groups, as from anyone else, are welcome as long as the content conforms to the charter. [P2.4] o Questions about movemental validity. Postings that explicitly or implicitly deny the validity of a Jewish movement or the position of a Jewish movement will not be accepted. Neither will posts that attack the practice of attending houses of Jewish worship, or attack a Jewish belief in G-d. [P2.1] o Unsolicited or judgemental "advice" about religious practice (e.g. statements that a poster is required halachically to do X, or criticism of a poster for doing Y, since this is the modern era) is inappropriate in posts to S.C.J.P. The emphasis is on "judgemental". [P2.1, P2.5] o Regional and commercial announcements. Although significant regional announcements and commercial product reviews are permitted, the following types of postings will not be accepted [P3.1]: a) Announcements from companies touting commercial products (including Jewish films and videos). b) Regional announcements for small community events such as Purim Carnivals. o Circumcision: Attacks on parents' decision to circumcise their sons will be rejected; however, non-pejorative questions regarding the practice of ritual circumcision in a Jewish context are permitted. Because of the particularly inflammatory nature of this topic, postings about circumcision will be carefully reviewed on a case-by-case basis. [P2.2, P2.3] o Antisemitism. Antisemitic postings and postings disputing the history of the Holocaust will be rejected. [P2.1, P2.4] o Off-topic content: Postings that do not fit within the stated charter of the group will be referred to more appropriate groups. In particular: - Questions regarding general practices of Judaism not pertaining to raising children will be directed to soc.culture.jewish or other appropriate groups. [P3.2] - Extended discussions about halacha (religious law) will be directed to soc.culture.jewish if a discussion no longer deals with parenting-related issues. [P3.3] - Questions pertaining to general parenting practices will be directed to or other appropriate groups. [P3.4] - Questions and discussions regarding how to raise children in an intercultural environment are considered appropriate only insofar as they focus on Jewish aspects of the child's upbringing. Discussions concerning combining Judaism with other faiths are inappropriate for soc.culture.jewish.parenting and will be referred to more appropriate groups. [P3.5] - Questions about non-Jewish religious traditions will be directed to the appropriate religion-focused newsgroup (eg alt.messianic and soc.religion.christian). [P3.6] Some good suggestions on writing acceptable articles may be found in Section 2.8.
Subject: 1.6. What discussion about circumcision is allowed? Attacks on parents' decision to circumcise their sons will be rejected; however, non-judgemental questions regarding the practice of ritual circumcision in a Jewish context are permitted. We are not implying that all Jews are circumcised, or that all Jews choose to circumcise their children (though that is certainly true for the majority). We want both to protect the circumcised from the anti-circumcision extremists, and to protect those chosing not to circumcise from the "you're not Jewish" flames. The moderators would absolutely and categorically reject any post that called into question the Jewishness of a parent who does not circumcise their son. In addition, because we will not permit flames, S.C.J.P is a singularly accepting place to discuss circumcision even if one's personal decision is NOT to. That is, one could discuss how to reconcile feelings regarding the decision to or not to circumcise, as they relate to the issue of whether one should under Jewish law, without inciting the wrath of either the various anti-circumcision factions or the wrath of those Jews for whom *not* circumcising would be sacreligious. Moderators would, in fact, reject responses that attacked a post for *either* reason. v In particular, it is intended that discussion of all aspects of circumcision is permitted EXCEPT for the following areas: o No discussions of pro/con arguments that are unreleated to the Jewish aspects of the decision; that is, any "Should I circumcise" discussion must be grounded in reconciling that decision with traditional Jewish practice. o No attacks are permitted upon those that make a circumcision decision, be it to take the traditional route (from the anti-circumcision folks), or from those that chose the non-traditional route (from those following traditional practice). It is acceptable to state the position of a movement with respect to the practice, but this must clearly identify the particular movement (i.e., "Traditional Judaism believes, not Judaism believes") and not make any judgements about that position, or individuals who do not follow that position. Discussion of emotional issues and taking care of a child after a brit are also expressly permitted. Anticipated discussions include how a brit is performed, emotional preparation for circumcision, the rituals involved, the aftermath (both medical and emotional) of circumcision, and other questions about circumcision in a Jewish context. Because of the particularly inflammatory nature of this topic, postings about circumcision will be carefully reviewed on a case-by-case basis.
Subject: 1.7. How should I respond to inappropriate articles? Hopefully, you won't see any. However, the moderation mechanism has some technical flaws (read: it can be bypassed by those who know how), so the occasional article may filter through. The best way to respond to one of these is to ignore it. One of the moderators will attempt to issue a cancel for it. Responding to it will generally draw attention to an article you didn't want to see if the first place.
Subject: 1.8. Can non-Jews post to soc.culture.jewish.parenting? Submissions from all individuals in all circumstances are welcome as long as the content conforms to the guidelines discussed in this FAQ; i.e., it is the content that will be judged, not the poster. In particular, postings from intermarried parents are welcome, to the extent that they address raising their children in a Jewish context. Families raising children in a mix of traditions including Judaism are asked to limit their submissions to this group to postings about the Jewish traditions and pratices in their homes. Discussions about how to integrate Jewish traditions and practices with whatever else you practice in your home should be redirected to more appropriate forums. [Ref: Charter P3.5] The goal of the newsgroup is to provide a discussion space for the Jewish aspects of childrearing. This includes the needs of interfaith couples raising their children as Jews, including the children's interactions with non-Jewish relatives. However, it *does not* include the needs of interfaith couples raising their children outside of Judaism, nor those seeking to integrate Jewish and non-Jewish religious observance in their households, except in so far as they overlap with the needs of parents raising children as Jews. Questions related to raising children in a religious environment other than Judaism or in a multi-religious home environment will be more appropriately answered in multicultural forums; such discussion will not be accepted on the newsgroup. Postings specifically addressing the Jewish elements (cultural and/or religious) in the environment of any child's life, environment, or upbringing (regardless of the poster or the degree of Judaism in the child's upbringing) will be accepted; however, posts specifically addressing the non-Jewish elements of a child's upbringing will not be accepted. Questions about the interaction of non-Jewish children with children raised in a Jewish environment will be accepted. Just as welcomes non-parents and soc.culture.jewish welcomes non-Jews, soc.culture.jewish.parenting welcomes non-Jewish parents, Jews without children, and non-Jewish non-parents, so long as the newsgroups's ideals are respected.
Subject: 1.9. (Hebrew Usage) I have a question nogaiah hilchos... The primary language for Usenet is English. Translate your Hebrew and Aramaic when you post in order to maximize the understanding of what you write. Include a glossary for the lesser known terms. Some common ones are part of the S.C.J FAQ (see Section 19 in Part 11). Words of non-English origin need not be translated if they are used widely enough to appear in a standard dictionary such as _Webster's Ninth New Collegiate_ (e.g. Talmud; bat mitzvah). Usenet is a bad place to ask technical questions of Jewish law. Instead, ask a qualified rabbi. If you know of none, then post a request for rabbinic advice - many have access to electronic mail, and many readers can find a rabbi near you.
Subject: 1.10. I see a lot of MLA (Multi-Letter Acronyms) in this group. What do they mean? Here are some of the more common ones. A list of acronyms is maintained by Dave Johnsen <>. You can get a copy by sending Dave a message with the subject "send acronyms". Common acronyms for soc.culture.jewish may be found in Section 19, Questions 3 and 4 (Part 11). B"H Baruch Hashem (Blessed be G-d) or B'Ezras/Ezer Hashem (With G-d's Help) BIL Brother-in-law BTW By The Way CTTS/D Cute Things They Say/Do CYLAH Consult your local authority on halacha CYLAR Consult your local appropriate rabbi CYLOR Consult your local Orthodox rabbi (offensive to some) FAQ Frequently asked questions. FIL Father-in-law FTTS/D Funny things they Say/Do FWIW For What It's Worth FYI For Your Information IMHO In My Humble Opinion IMNSHO In My Not So Humble Opinion IMO In My Opinion MIL Mother-in-law OTOH On the Other Hand ROTFL(OL) Rolling on the floor laughing (out loud) SIL Sister-in-law WTTSW Weird things they sleep with YKYAPW You know you're a parent when YMMV Your Milage May Vary Z"L Zichrono Livrocho (Of Blessed Memory)
Subject: 1.11. I can't get USENET news. Can I still read this group? This group is available through a mailing list managed by the listproc. To subscribe, send the following message to subscribe scj-parenting first last Where you replace first with your first name, and last with your last name. It is STRONGLY suggested that you recieve this list as a digest. To do so, once subscribed, send the message: set scj-parenting mail digest to
Subject: 1.12. Someone used the term Xtian, and I'm offended. What should I do? Start by learning the history of term, to understand that there was likely no offense intended. X is an abbreviation for Christ, arising from the Greek term Christos, which starts with a Greek Chi, written as X. This usage dates back to the 1500s. Thus, the usage is not an attempt to "blot out" the name, or be offensive. However, it is worthwhile to note that for some, even with the historical basis, the term remains offensive. It should also be noted that some common Yiddish usages, although just a shorthand for many, are considered offensive by some. A good example is the word "shicksa". Those wishing to avoid offending those bothered by terms such as these might consider choosing alternate phrases.
Subject: 1.13. What are the Do's and Don'ts? Here's a summary. o Learn about Usenet before you post. o Follow S.C.J.P and read news.announce.newusers. o Use the appropriate newsgroups: Israeli politics belongs on "soc.culture.israel" or "talk.politics.mideast"; Holocaust denials belong on "alt.revisionism"; Messianics belong on "alt.messianic"; Middle east politics belongs on "talk.politics.mideast"; discussions about Turkey and Armenia belong on "soc.culture.turkish"; general childrearing discussions belong elsewhere on the tree; and general Jewish discussions belong on soc.culture.jewish. o Know your audience and make your posts understandable. o Trim quoted material whenever possible, and try to ensure there is content in your posting (except, perhaps, during the month of Adar) o Don't challenge the validity of Judaism or assert the superiority of other religions and prophets thereof. o Don't write "lashon hara" [true slander] or "motzei sheim ra" [false slander]. o Don't start posting until you've finished reading the FAQs posted to this newsgroup.
Subject: Introduction to Section 2 ====================================================================== Section 2. Moderation Policies ====================================================================== This portion of the FAQ addresses the policies of the group with respect to moderation.
Subject: 2.1. Why is S.C.J.P moderated? This newsgroup is moderated to ensure that discussion topics remain focused on raising children within the context of Judaism, as stated in the charter, and that the conversation remain polite and respectful. The primary reason for moderation is to filter out circumcision flamewars, antisemitic attacks, missionary activity, and Reform/Conservative/Orthodox bickering, which have over the years added a great deal of noise to (in the first two cases) and soc.culture.jewish (in all cases).
Subject: 2.2. Who are the moderators for S.C.J.P? o Irene Bleiweiss <> * Irene was raised in a culturally Jewish family in New York City. As an adult she rediscovered Judaism's spirituality through regular study and practice of Torah and meditation from an Orthodox/Chassidic perspective. She lives near Washington, D.C. where she attends a Conservative Havurah. When not focussed on Jewish studies or her two children Elizabeth (5/4/89) and Andrew (1/20/95), Irene is a communications lawyer and writer. She is happily married to a non-Jew who supports the family's Jewish studies and observances. * Irene joined the moderation team in April 1998. o Rona Michelson <> * Rona currently lives in Modiin, Israel. Although raised by parents who had a cultural identification as Jews, Rona's commitment comes from early memories of Jewish observances in the homes of her grandparents. Seeing herself as a link between past and future generations is what motivated many of her life choices. She decided as a result of her Jewish studies at Gratz College and her experiences at Camp Ramah to become an observant Jew. She has 5 children who she and her husband, Rabbi Aaron Michelson, raised while he was serving as a US Army chaplain at several installations in the US and one assignment in Germany. In an effort to give their children the Jewish education that was not available locally, they added to the Jewish practices in their home, speaking only Hebrew to the children and enriching them with Israeli music and books. It must have worked, because all 5 of them went one by one to settle in Israel and all of them are living traditional Jewish lives. Rona is a marriage and family therapist and the proud Savta of 9 sabra grandchildren. * Rona joined the moderation team in April 1998. * Home Page: o Jennifer M Paquette <> * Jennifer Paquette is a divorced single mommy to Yerachmiel Meir (25 Tishrei, 5754) and Elisheva Chaya (8 Teves, 5755). She has a B.A. in Philosophy (Computer Science minor), and works for a Jewish seniors' centre. She sometimes jokes that she's "raising Orthodox children," and in truth, often feels ambivalent about affiliating with any one synagogue, congregation, or movement. She considers herself Torah-observant in the sense that she allows Jewish law, custom, and philosophy to guide the course her life wherever possible. But as a "ba'alas tshuvah", or "returnee" to religious Judaism, she also tries to learn from anybody willing to teach an old dog new tricks, including the many wise parents in SCJP. Jennifer also tries to help other Jews become more open-minded to the details of a traditional lifestyle; many carry around counterproductive stereotypes which prevent them from living their lives more Jewishly. She tries to live her Jewish life with a sense of tradition's great weight, but also with feelings of joy and wonder, and these are the messages that she tries to pass on in her own parenting. * Jennifer joined the moderation team in April 1998. * Home Page: o Marjorie Peskin <> * Marjorie was one of the original founders of soc.culture.jewish.parenting. She is also a founding member and advisor for, and is involved in several other parenting mailing lists. Marjorie was raised by an Orthodox father and a unaffilitated mother active in socialist causes, as well as social and philanthropic aspects of Judaism. She attended a Reform congregation throughout childhood and is now affiliated with the Egalitarian Conservative movement. Marjorie serves as the concert committee chairperson at her shule, where she also helps with MiniMinyan, the children's service for ages 5-8. Her children attend a Solomon Schechter Day School. Marjorie is an information engineer at an internet web commerce software development company. o Jo Pitesky <pitesky@mira.ASTRO.Ucla.EDU> * Jo belongs to a Conservative shul, grew up in a Reform congregation, and considers herself a Reform Jew. She has two daughters, with the vaguely palindromic birthdates 6/29/93 and 9/26/96. * Jo is one of the founding moderators of SCJP. o Nina Salkin <> * Nina was raised in a secular Jewish home, attended a Yiddish speaking Sholom Aleichem kindershul and now struggles to learn Hebrew. After a long career in advertising, she married her old college pal Jeff Salkin, who had (suprise!) became a Reform congregational rabbi. Nina's life now revolves around family, shul, and freelance writing, in roughly that order. She coordinates a community-wide Rosh Chodesh group in her hometown, Port Washington, NY, edits a desktop newsletter for rabbinic spouses in the Reform Movement, and is owner/moderator of HUCSPOUSE an online discussion list for students, spouses and family members of alumni of Hebrew Union College. Nina has two sons: Samuel Asher 9/1/86 and Gabriel Adin 8/24/92. * Nina is one of the founding moderators of SCJP. o Sherri Shulman <> * Sherri was raised in a conservative synagogue and is currently affiliated with an egalitarian conservative synagogue. She has 3 children: Ricki (7/20/85), Aaron (11/7/92) and Isabel (11/7/92), all attending Hebrew Day School. When not parenting she is a professor of computer science currently on research leave. * Sherri is one of the founding moderators of SCJP. o Steven Weintraub <> * Steven is an active member of the backwater Conservative community where he grew up. He has been everything from Men's Club president to kashrut supervisor to janitor. He has been involved with computers since the 70's and internet since the mid-80's. Active in various parts of the internet Jewish community, he was active in SCJP's creation and a moderator since its inception. He is happily married (6/23/85) to Tina Huckabee and is now trying to figure out how to raise two successful Jewish children (Shoshana Ruth 12/31/92 and Aaron Joshua 3/9/95). * Home Page: The S.C.J.P Advisory Board consists of all the moderators plus the following individuals (who occasionally serve as backup moderators): o Tom Alpert <> * Tom was raised in a Reform congregation and continues to affiliate with that movement. His wife is a Jew by Choice. They have three children: David and Katherine, each born 12/28/91, and Andrew, born 10/4/93. * Tom is one of the founding advisors of SCJP. o Daniel Faigin <> * Daniel Faigin is an (at least) third generation Reform Jew, who has a strong committment to Reform Judaism thanks to his interactions with Rabbi Mordecai Soloff and the Wilshire Blvd. Temple Camps. A native of Los Angeles, CA, USA, he has been married since 1985, and has one daughter, Erin Shoshana (11/17/94). His wife is also Jewish, but has a background in Conservative Judaism. He has been active on the net in soc.culture.jewish since 1985, and is the maintainer of the multipart S.C.J FAQ and Reading Lists. Since 7/91, he has moderated the Mail.Liberal-Judaism mailing list. He helped establish the SCJP newsgroup/mailing list, serves as an advisor and back-up moderator, and maintains the SCJP software. He also maintains the homepage for his congregation (Temple Beth Torah of Granada Hills), and the Calfornia Highway Home Page. Daniel currently works in the field of Computer Security. * Home Page: o Robyn Kozierok <> o Robyn Kozierok <> * Robyn was raised in a Reform household, but after marrying a Conservative Jew, now affiliates with the Egalitarian Conservative movement. She has two sons, Ryan, born 9/7/93, and Matthew, born 6/16/96. Robyn is also a moderator for and * Robyn is one of the founding advisors of SCJP o Michael Rand <> * Michael was raised in a Reform household, but after attending a national Hillel conference and attending various yeshivas now affiliates with a Egalitarian Conservative synagogue and a liberal Orthodox one, and acts as online editor for Tikkun Magazine. He is married with no children. * Michael is one of the founding moderators of SCJP, and now serves as an advisor.
Subject: 2.3. How do I submit an article? If you have access to news, just submit to the newsgroup. This will mail your posting to the moderators. If you do not have access to news, MAIL your submission to the following address: You may also use the address for submissions to the parallel listserv, but this simply forwards to the scjp-submit address. The listserv submission address is: Why are there two addresses? The first is the submission address for the mailing list side. It actually forwards to the second address, which is the moderation randomizer. Note that using the scj-parenting address introduces delays in the moderator's receipt of your article, due to the load on the list processor at Shamash.
Subject: 2.4. When I submit an article, how is a moderator selected? Articles submitted are reviewed by a moderator selected at random from the set of active soc.culture.jewish.parenting moderators. Note that moderators are volunteers, and have limits on how much they can review in a day. This may result in slight delays.
Subject: 2.5. Why do moderators reject articles? The primary reason is to enforce the charter of the newsgroup. If a post is not accepted, it will be returned with an indication of why it was not acceptable, perhaps with suggestions for revision. If you do not get such an indication, it is likely due to a mail system failure. Authors will have the ability to work with the moderators and advisors to revise rejected posts so that they fall within the guidelines.
Subject: 2.6 What are some tricks to writing acceptable articles? 1. State your position (act); don't respond to a previous posting (react). 2. State what you think in a positive manner, not why some other poster is wrong. Contrast: Dubaldie was wrong when he said that ... to I believe that ... 3. Keep your posting within the charter. If you feel your posting is borderline, it helps if you include a note to the moderator providing an explanation of why you feel it fits within the charter. 4. No medical advice is acceptable. Suggestions should be phrased as "What worked for our family was....." 5. Trim included material as much as possible. Especially since this will also be digested, this is a hard and fast rule we need to adhere to. 6. If you can respond to a question in email, please do so. If you're looking for information, offer to collect responses via Email and post a summary. 7. Congratulations! and other one line posts in response to announcements should always be done in email. 8. Signatures should be 4 lines or less. Some posting software will enforce this. 9. Don't overtax the moderators. You don't need to respond to every article; choose your responses carefully. 10. Treat your fellow posters with the same respect with which you would like them to treat you. 11. Let subjects die gracefully. When you post, consider whether you are really *adding* something to the discussion. 12. Avoid unsubstantiated statements that you cannot back up with citations. In a similar fashion, avoid the use of stereotypes. For example, not all Jews with beards are Orthodox, and not all secular Jews are Reform. 13. Review your postings before pressing the send sequence. It is worth the time to spell check your post, and re-read it to make sure you're not saying something stupid. Reading an article isn't mandatory; if your article is attractive, it is more likely to be read. 14. When a poster is making a fool of themselves, don't jump in. Let their words demonstrate the quality of their thoughts. Some other recommendations: * If you plan on being a regular, please introduce yourself. Tell us about you and your kids, and how you are involved with the Jewish community. * Remember to leave room for all voices. It's good to be active on the group, but don't let your activity crowd out others. A good practice is to read all postings for a given day before writing any responses. * Even though you may disagree with a poster or a poster's practice, show respect for that person. This is really a corallary of "act, don't react". Instead of "reacting" to what the poster said by negating their statements, "act" by stating positively what you believe. * Remember to edit the subject line to keep it relevant to the posting. * Remember that not everyone is as familiar with Hebrew as you; translate uncommon terms. * Remember that some folks get this group by mail. Trim quoted material (there is no need to quote signatures or disclaimers, for example). Format lines to 80 characters. If you are editing your message in a word processor, avoid special characters such as bullets or typographical quotation marks. * Give your posts a final review before posting. We all make mistakes, but why share them with the world. * Cross post appropriately, and set the followups-to: line when necessary. If you are responding to a post that is starting to move into the topic area of another group (for example, general childrearing issues (, or halacha (soc.culture.jewish), crosspost your article to the other group, and add a header line "Followups-To:" to set follow-ups to the other group.
Subject: 2.7 I disagree with the rejection. What should I do now? A poster whose submission has been rejected should first discuss the submission and its rejection with the moderator to determine whether the rejection was based on a mere misunderstanding, in which case a simple rewording may suffice (e.g., to reword an apparent attack on another poster's affiliation). If the poster is still dissatisfied, he or she may appeal to the moderation review board by sending email to The moderation review board for a rejected submission will consist of the current set of moderators and advisors, minus the original moderator who rejected the posting. A simple majority of the review board will determine the final disposition of the disputed posting.
Subject: 2.8. Can you give me examples of good and bad questions? Here are some example questions, along with an indication of how the article would be handled by the moderation team. The result categories are: ACCEPT Article is clearly acceptable REWORD AND RESUBMIT Article is acceptable after rewording REFER TO... Article belongs in a different newsgroup In all cases, rationales are given. Paragraph references are to the charter. Unless specified otherwise, the moderators assumed the child was being raised as a Jew. ANTISEMITISM/HOLOCAUST (AS) AS-01 When I told her about my grandparents at Dachau, my seven year old told me "that's ok - I'm not Jewish like them, so I would be safe". Is this normal defense behavior? Should I try and explain that even though we're raising her in a secular home, that she would be Jewish by the standards of Hitler, but that she's safe from him because he died a long time ago? ACCEPT. Similar questions would come from Jewish children, who feel safe because they are not in Germany. It leads into the general question of teaching children about the holocaust. AS-02 I've been telling my children about their family members lost in the Holocaust, and what the Holocaust means. My lover came in recently, and got very angry because I was talking about the Holocaust as a Jewish tragedy. He was very, very upset, because he too lost family members to the Nazis (he's Polish) - how can I tell my kids about the Holocaust and its importance as a Jewish tragedy while also acknowledging its broader implications? ACCEPT. Although this is a more general question of acknowledging the other aspects of the holocaust while retaining Jewish significance, children of different ages need different answers to their questions, especially questions on such frightening topics as genocide and war. However, to be appropriate for the group, these other aspects should be explained from a Jewish perspective, something they wouldn't get from To that end, an approporiate moderator's note should be added to the end, for example [When responding to this question, please try and address the issue from a Jewish perspective -- Yr. Mod.] CIRCUMCISION (CI) CI-01 What do you mean you want to raise your child as Jewish but don't want to circumcize. Jewish Law says that male children must be circumcized. REWORD AND RESUBMIT or REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. As worded, this implies that the position of liberal Jewish movements, that recommend but don't mandate circumcision, are invalid. It is also worded as a personal attack. [P2.1] CI-02 We've decided not to circumcise our son, and I'm concerned about reaction from family/friends/the Jewish community? ACCEPT. Context implies the child is being raised Jewish, and the post is addressing Jewish issues. CI-03 We just had our first child -- a boy -- and though there's no question for us about circumcising him, I feel terrible about having to put him through this. How have others coped? ACCEPT. Context is shared experiences of Jewish parents. CI-04 We don't know the sex of our soon-to-arrive baby. We are terrified at the thought of having to plan a Brit in a week? How do people do it? ACCEPT. Direct Jewish parenting question. CI-05 I don't understand all this talk about deciding whether or not to circumcise. How can a boy be a Jew and not be circumcised? REWORD AND RESUBMIT or REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. As written, this questions the validity of those movements that consider circumcision optional. [P2.1, P2.2] CI-06 I think that mutilating a baby based on some bizarre religious ritual is evil and should be illegal. How can you people be so vicious. REFER TO TALK.FLAME. This is a clear attack on Judaism, and violates the charter with respect to flames on the procedure of circumcision. [P2.2] CI-07 When my son was born 12 years ago, we considered ourselves 'cultural' Jews, and so we had him circumsized in the hospital, with no mohel and no brit milah. As the years have gone by, my family has gotten much more involved in Judaism, and now we affiliate with a Conservative synagogue. While speaking to the Rabbi about my son's upcoming bar mitzvah, he asked about my son's brit. After hearing my story, he insisted that my son have a ceremonial brit, with a pinprick. Although I'm hesitent, I want to go ahead with the brit. My son refuses. The Rabbi won't go forward with the Bar Mitzvah without the brit. What should we do? ACCEPT *and* REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. This question can be judged in many ways. Portions of it address halachic interpretation and are thus appropriate for S.C.J. In the S.C.J.P context, the relevant aspect is the son's refusal and handling the corresponding emotional issues. [P3.2] CONFLICTS WITH CHILDREN'S RELIGIOUS CHOICES (CO) CO-01 My daughter wants to be baptized. Should I let her make her own choice about religion, even though it means allowing her to reject my faith? ACCEPT. The question deals with the general issue of a child raised within Judaism making a choice of religion; perhaps one with which the parent disagrees. Similar questions could be: ``My Orthodox daughter has gone and joined the "Moonies"--what do I do?'' or ``I'm Reform, and my son has gotten involved with Chabad, a sect of Judaism with whose practices I disagree. How do I parent in this situation?'' DIFFERENT LEVELS OF PRACTICE (DL) DL-01 I have become much more observent and now want to keep kosher in our home. Neither spouse nor child is thrilled with the idea. While I can't stop spouse from eating BLT's out, can I enforce the rules out-of-home for my child? (She says it isn't fair.) ACCEPT. Deals with teaching children Kashrut. It also deals with children rejecting a change (increase or decrease) in the Jewish practice in the home. Lots of other similar examples could be possible. HALACHA/TEACHING ABOUT HALACHA (HA) HA-01 What is the appropriate Shiva behavior for an 11-year-old child who has lost a parent? REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. This is asking about what the proper halacha is, and doesn't address the relationship between parent and child. [P3.2] HA-02 My sister has just passed away leaving an 11-year-old daughter. The daughter wants to sit shiva even though she is below age at which it would be required. Her father doesn't think she should, as she is too young. What can I do to help them through this traumatic time while attempting to make sure both their needs are met. ACCEPT. This addresses a parent attempting to meet the needs of a child raised in a Jewish context. HA-03 My twins are about to turn 3, and I'm looking for some way of honoring this special birthday. I've made a cloth torah for my son, with quilted illustrations of several bible stories inside, and I've bought my daughter some silver candlesticks, but I'm looking for a halachic ceremony. Any suggestions? ACCEPT. Although in some ways a halachic question, the issues are clearly releated to parenting in a Jewish context. HA-04 At what age should my child start reciting various prayers? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-05 I'm an observant parent, and I live within walking distance of a playground. I'd like to take my 2.5-year-old there on Shabbat, but I'm not sure what activities would be permitted. Can he play in the sand? What if the sand is wet? What do other observant parents do? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-06 I have an 8-month-old daughter whose pediatrician has suggested introducing meats. However, she is still taking frequent milk feedings, and we keep a Kosher home. How do I deal with the time restraints between meat and dairy with an infant? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-07 How did you start teaching your child about kashrut? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-08 What are some good games and other activities for reinforcing Torah? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-09 What's your routine for davening with your kids? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. INTERACTIONS BETWEEN DIFFERENT FAITHS/INTERFAITH ISSUES (IF) IF-01 When I went shopping with my SIL, she had her child sit on Santa's lap. Now my child wants to do the same. I've explained to her that we don't have Santa, but she wants to anyway. Do any of you allow this? ACCEPT. Deals with the interaction of Jewish children with the non-Jewish world, while preserving their Judaism. This is actually a topic that could not be discussed easily on IF-02 Now that I've got preschoolers, I find myself avoiding stores from October to February. Besides the obvious complaint that Christmas is ONE DAY LONG, but we've got to face it for 6 months, I need to some way to reinforce that this isn't OUR holiday to my kids. Besides living like a hermit, what do you do to keep this red and green invasion from your home? ACCEPT. Deals with the interaction of Jewish children with the non-Jewish world, while preserving their Judaism. This is actually a topic that could not be discussed easily on IF-03 My daughter has been invited to a birthday sleep-over at a friend's house. Her friend is not Jewish. We keep a strict Kosher home, and my daughter has never eaten any treif. How do I balance my trust of my daughter (6 yrs next week) with the fear that peer pressure will override and she'll be tempted to eat treif? ACCEPT. Clearly a question related to raising a child in a Jewish context. IF-04 We are raising our child Jewish, but my spouse feels she should at least be exposed to the other side of her heritage and wants to take her to church. I am not opposed to the visit, but feel she may be confused. How can I reduce her confusion without making her feel that the other religion (and by extension, my spouse) is bad? ACCEPT. The child is clearly being raised Jewish. IF-05 My child was raised as a committed Jew. After his mother died, I remarried someone who has, subsequent to the marriage, "seen the light" and become Christian. She's invited my son to a tree trimming party. He doesn't want to come. How do I find a compromise position? ACCEPT. The question, in a general sense, is how do Jewish children deal with non-Jewish influences without compromising their Jewish principles. IF-06 Should an interfaith child being raised non-Jewish have a Christmas Tree? REFER TO MISC.KIDS OR MORE APPROPRIATE FORUMS. This question is about a non-Jewish child's non-Jewish traditions and hence does not fit the charter [P3.5] IF-07 I practice both Buddhism and Judaism. How do I explain the relation of our Jewish and Buddhist identities to our 7-year-old? REFER TO MISC.KIDS, SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH, OR MORE APPROPRIATE FORUMS. The questions pertains to the intermingling of multiple faiths, which does not fit within the charter. [P3.6] IF-08 My spouse has never come to shul with us. This has never been an issue, but next week my child's Sunday school class is leading the service and he STILL won't come. My child is crushed. ACCEPT. The child is clearly being raised in a Jewish context. IF-09 We keep a Kosher home. My husband converted from a Christian religion many years ago. On the first Christmas after our son was born, his father's family invited us to spend part of the holiday with them. My son was just beginning to eat finger foods, and while we were napping, my MIL gave our son HAM salad to eat, "forgetting" that we keep Kosher. I was furious, and insisted that we leave. Now my son is 2, and they've offered to take him for a weekend. We'd love the time alone, but I'm petrified that she'll be letting him eat shrimp and lobster the second our car pulls out of the driveway. Anyone else have this problem? ACCEPT. Concerns maintaining Jewish standards. IF-10 All my 3 yr-old son's friends have been to McDonalds, but we keep Kosher. He's dying for the Happy Meal toys, and doesn't understand just WHY he can't eat there as well? My BIL, who isn't Jewish, keeps saying in front of my son "OH just get the happy meal and let him eat the fries." But I'm not positive that they don't use animal fats. It infuriates me that my BIL does this, especially as it inflames my son to even more whining. ACCEPT. Concerns maintaining Jewish standards. IF-11 My children want to know if I will make them Easter Baskets. They say that Daddy had them when he was little and they want them too. They are being raised Jewish and I don't want to bring this "custom" into our home. Is there an alternative? ACCEPT. This deals with a child raised in a Jewish context dealing with the non-Jewish world while retaining a commitment to Judaism. IF-12 We're atheists, but raising our children culturally Jewish - how do we explain to our older daughter that despite what her Hebrew School teacher tells her, we can be Jews and not believe in God. SUGGEST REWORDING BUT ACCEPT IF REWORDING IS DECLINED. As worded, this would act as flamebait. The word `culturally' might attract flames without contributing much to the explanation needed to put the question into context, hence we might suggest deleting it. Further, the last phrase might be reworded as "we can hold different beliefs", if the poster thought they might benefit from replies to that more general question. As written, this makes a statement that goes against a traditional Jewish position, and could be inflammatory. However, it could be accepted as is if the original poster did not want to change the wording. The moderator might want to add a note indicating that the question could also be considered in a more general fashion; that is, addressing differences between what is taught in religious school and what is taught at home. The more general question is quite common, and often arises when Reform families send their children to Conservative day schools. [P2.1] IF-13 I've become more and more observant as I've gotten older and Judaism has become more and more important to me. I very much want my son to understand how important my religion is to me, but we've always tried very hard to raise him in both faiths. How can I make him see that I really would like him someday to be a Jew, without pressuring him or making him feel rejected? ACCEPT. This is a clear parenting issue, with a clear indication of a desire to raise a child in Judaism. OTHER JEWISH PARENTING (OT) OT-01 We won't be having a pidyan ha ben for our son, since we previously lost another child through miscarriage. However, we don't want to disclose this (for a variety of reasons) to our families. Has anyone else had to deal with this type of situation? ACCEPT. This question is clearly related to the submitters new status of a Jewish parent, and needs the sensitivities of other Jewish parents. PERSONAL ATTACKS PA-01 The poster of the previous article, Shmuel Schmuckputz, is a fool for saying that ... REWORD AND RESUBMIT. As worded, this is a personal attack. [P2.5] PRACTICAL JEWISH PARENTING (PR) PR-01 How do I choose a good Jewish day school? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-02 I'm taking my kids on vacation to Israel. What are significant Jewish religious sites that we should visit with the children? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-03 Do you have any recommendations for Jewish-themed children's books? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-04 How do I teach my child the concept of Tzedakah (charitable donation)? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-05 Does anyone have unique Jewish-themed costume ideas for the Purim carnival? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-06 I invented some kosher l'Pesach cookie recipes that my picky 2-year-old will actually eat; would anyone like to exchange toddler-friendly Pesach recipes? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-07 How did you persuade your little boy to keep his kippa on? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-08 What tunes do you use for modeh ani? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-09 What is your bedtime routine with your toddler, and where does the Sh'ma fit in? My kid screams during the Sh'ma because he knows story time is over; how do I get him to stop? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-10 How do you explain the harsher Torah narrative episodes to young kids who are prone to nightmares? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-11 How do you explain the holidays to very small kids? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. VALIDITY OF MOVEMENTS (VA) VA-01 I feel that Jewish Law concerning the treatment of women is barbaric and archaic. I don't want my child to learn those values. REWORD AND RESUBMIT. This attacks the validity of the Orthodox interpretation, which operates in terms of responsibilities, not rights. If worded as "I have difficulties with the Orthodox concept of the role of women. How do I teach my child how to reconcile those values with egalitarian thought?", it would be acceptable. [P2.1] VA-02 I am having trouble tolerating the existance of Jews who belong to Synagogues other than an Orthodox one! If we allow ourselves to be rational and think for a moment, we would awaken to the truth. What is the truth, we ask? The truth is that all these other branches of Judaism are in reality what Christianity once was! REFER TO TALK.FLAME. This post cannot be easily reworded, and is a clear attack on the liberal movements in Judaism. [P2.1] VA-03 I'm distressed about the path Reform has taken regarding "Who is a Jew"? Perhaps indeed we should all follow this path. Within one or two generations, there will be no Jews, but at least we shall have left a pleasant memory in the minds of the gentiles. REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH OR TALK.FLAME. Questions the viability of Reform as a Jewish movement. [P2.1] VA-04 I've met a single mom with two kids. She says she's an atheist Jew, I'm affiliated with an egalitarian Conservative synagogue. We're recently engaged and are now discussing having another child. I'm VERY unhappy with the non-practicing nature of her childrearing, and would want my kids to be involved with my synagogue. Her kids are picking up on this disagreement, and it is making everyone miserable. How do we combine two very different views of Judaism when raising our blended family? ACCEPT, but a caution should be added to remind respondants to avoid attacking the validity of any Jewish movement. VA-05 My Reform wife just bought my two sons Power Rangers Kippot for synagogue. I'm appalled. My sons attend a Modern Orthodox shul. Would these kippot be unacceptable at my shul, even though it is clear that my sons LOVE the kippot and will wear them willingly, unlike their usual black crocheted ones. ACCEPT OR REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. There are two issues here. Once is a pure halachic question concerning what makes kippot acceptable. The other is the question of how to address this issue with the children, which is a parenting question. [P3.2] VA-06 My wife recently died and left me as the single parent of 3 daughters. I've always been a 'cultural Jew' but my wife was Orthodox and my daughters attend an Orthodox day school. However, I'm not sure I want this to continue. My MIL is apoplectic that I would consider pulling my daughters out of their religious education. I feel hypocritical having them attend a school that teaches things in which I've no beliefs. Especially difficult for me is the way my daughters are being taught about being an adult woman. The limited nature of the view of adult Jewish women is stifling to me, but my wife felt so strongly about this issue. I'm confused. Can anyone help me? SUGGEST REWORDING BUT ACCEPT IF REWORDING IS DECLINED. Although this question is related to the adult parent's opinions of the Orthodox position, the decision of where to send one's children to school is clearly a parenting issue, and the decision of what kind of Jewish day school to send one's children to is clearly a Jewish issue. However, rewording would soften the tone of this and allow fruitful discussion. More importantly, rewording would allow the writer to focus more on the school issue; as written, comments would be more on the nature of the Orthodox view of women, which wouldn't be appropriate. The basic deciding factor is that discussing how to raise your children in the context of your movement's position, or in a context that differs from what they get taught in religious school is an appropriate question for the newsgroup. Given that, if the wording changes are declined, a moderator's note could be added suggesting that, to stay on topic in this group, responses should stick to the parenting question of selecting religious education for his children that conflicts with what he/she believes, and that discussions of Orthodoxy's position on women are more appropriate for soc.culture.jewish.
Subject: 2.9. How do moderators handle borderline cases? When a moderator feels that a post is a borderline case, he or she will forward that post to the soc.culture.jewish.parenting moderation board, comprised of the full list of moderators, plus additional advisors on the soc.culture.jewish.parenting moderation-advice list. If you are writing a post that you feel may be a borderline case, there is a pre-review address available. A subset of the moderation board will receive mail sent to this address, and can provide feedback on rough areas in your proposed post. The address is
Subject: Introduction to Section 3 ====================================================================== Section 3. Moderation Management ====================================================================== This section of the FAQ addresses the maintenance of moderators; that is, selection, replacement, and problem moderator procedures.
Subject: 3.1. How are moderators chosen? The initial set of moderators were chosen from volunteers drawn from the readership of, soc.culture.jewish, and jewish mailing lists. Note that advisors will sometimes fill in for moderators on vacation. The goal of the moderation policy is to maintain a pool of at least 6, and no more than 25, moderators. This would be supplemented by a pool of at least 3, and no more than 6, advisors. These numbers can be changed by a vote conducted in the newsgroup, with a two-thirds majority required to change the numbers.
Subject: 3.2. How are problem moderators handled? There is internal monitoring done between the moderators of rejected postings, as well as participation in the newsgroup to observe accepted postings. When the group identifies a problem, we work with the moderator in question to address the issue. If the problem remains, a vote is conducted among the entire advisory board with respect to removing the individual from moderation capacity. If two-thirds* (66%) of the advisory board votes to remove the moderator, the moderator is removed, and a new moderator selected using the procedures in 3.3 (however, the removed moderator does not have veto rights in the selection of a new moderator). *: This is a working percentage, the actual percentage, which will be greater than 50%, is still being determined through interaction with the service that provides the moderation randomizer.
Subject: 3.3. What happens when a moderator or advisor resigns? [The following text applies equally to advisors] In the event of the resignation of a moderator, volunteers are requested to replace the person. The first opportunity to volunteer is provided to the advisors. The newsgroup is consulted next. If a volunteer is still not obtained, a wide call (soc.culture.jewish,, appropriate mailing lists) will be done. The resigning moderator may also nominate a candidate replacement. Once a set of potential replacement moderators is obtained, the remaining moderators and advisors assess the qualifications of the candidates. In order to remain in the set, the candidate must have two-thirds support of the current moderators and advisors. The outgoing moderator has the ability to veto potential replacement candidates for his or her position. A vote is then conducted amongst the current moderators/advisors to select the candidates that will fill the open slots. A candidate must receive a two-thirds majority to be selected, and in case more than one candidate is approved, slots are filled in the order of support votes received. If the moderators/advisors are unable to obtain a candidate after one month of announcments, the position will remain unfilled until the next resignation as long as the number of moderators (advisors) is within the specified minimums and maxmimums. If no candidate can be obtained and the size of the moderation committee is below the minimum, an advisor will fill in until a moderator can be selected, and a call for volunteers will be posted on a regular basis. If it is clear that the position will not be filled, the moderators/advisors will conduct a vote on the newsgroup to change the minimum size.
Subject: 3.4. How may a new moderator or advisor be added to the pool? [The following text applies equally to advisors] Should the current moderator pool be below its maximum size, and a two-thirds majority of the current advisory board feels an addition is warranted, new moderators may be added following the procedures set out in 3.3.
Subject: Copyright Notice The soc.culture.jewish.parenting FAQ is not to be reproduced for commercial use unless the party reproducing the FAQ agrees to the following: 1) They will contact the FAQ maintainer to obtain the latest version for their collection. 2) They will provide the FAQ maintainer with information on what collection the copy of the FAQ is in, and how that collection may be obtained. 3) They will agree, in writing, that the FAQ will be included in the collection without modification, and that acknowledgements of contributors to the FAQ remain in the FAQ. 4) They will agree, in writing, that the collection including the FAQ will be distributed on either a non-profit basis, or have some percentage of profit donated to Tzedakah (Charity) To support this, this FAQ is Compilation Copyright (c) 1995 by (the FAQ maintainer) on behalf of soc.culture.jewish.parenting.
Subject: Archival and Credits Anonymous FTP: The FAQ is archived on, and is available for anonymous FTP. Mail: This FAQ may also be obtained via Email by sending a message to with the following line in the body of the message: send usenet/news.answers/judaism/FAQ/scjp-admin WWW/Mosaic: The FAQ and reading lists are available by following the following pointer: Credits: The Frequently Asked Questions were developed by the (New Newsgroup Hopefully) NNH committee consisting of Tom Alpert, Daniel Faigin, Amy Uhrbach Harwood, Andrea Herrera, Gail Karlovsky, Robyn Kozierok, Layne Murphy, Marjorie Peskin, Jo Pitesky, Michael Rand, Shari Rifas, Nina Salkin, Sherri Shulman, Connie Stillinger, and Steve Weintraub. The organization and structuring of the lists for posting purposes was done by D. Faigin. Other contributors included TBD. Comments and corrections are welcome. You may address comments either to the maintainer ( or to the S.C.J.P FAQ committee ( Note that the goal is to present a balanced view of Judaism; where a response is applicable to a particular movement only, this will be noted. Unless otherwise noted or implied by the text, all responses reflect the traditional viewpoint. -------------------------------------------------- -- Please mail additions or corrections to me at End of S.C.J.P FAQ (Newsgroup Policies and Procedures) Digest ************************** -------

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