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Archive-name: alt-sex/spanking-faq
Posting-Frequency: bi-weekly (alt.sex.spanking); monthly (*.answers) Last-modified: October 25, 1995 Version: 1.00 See reader questions & answers on this topic! - Help others by sharing your knowledge
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS - Alt.Sex.Spanking
Contributors: Dave in S CAL, Debbie Ann, Adrian, Alex, C-Red,
Llori, et. al.
This document contains explicit sexual information. If you do not
wish to view such information, I advise you to skip this document.
Permission is granted to copy and redistribute this document
electronically provided that it remains complete and unmodified. CD
publishers take note: this does not include you.
Until the FAQ becomes accepted by the *.answers moderators, the only places
to obtain this draft version are the newsgroup alt.sex.spanking
(irregularly posted for now) and the a.s.s. Spanking Resource page at
<http://www.cris.com/~Redman/spkg>.
Comments on this document can be sent to C-Red <Redman@cris.com> or debbie
ann <debbie@netcom.com>.
Contents of this FAQ
====================
1. INTRODUCTION TO A.S.S.
1.1 What is alt.sex.spanking all about?
1.2 Why is this newsgroup so friendly?
1.3 Is spanking a form of BDSM?
1.4 What is the difference between spanking and spousal abuse?
1.5 What is the difference between spanking and flagellation?
1.6 Is it possible to meet people through this newsgroup?
1.7 What is alt.personals.spanking?
1.8 Is it appropriate to post personal ads here?
1.9 Might I find certain postings to be offensive or distasteful?
1.10 What is "delurking" and how do I do it?
1.11 What is the roster and why should I submit an entry?
1.12 I'm female. Will I be inundated with unwelcome e-mail
solicitations if I delurk or list an entry in the roster?
2. NEWSGROUP ETIQUETTE
2.1 What is appropriate to post here?
2.2 What is inappropriate to post here?
2.3 What are common mistakes made by newcomers?
2.4 Is it appropriate to flame heterocentric language and attitudes?
2.5 Is it appropriate to post real-life experiences or stories
involving the spanking of children?
2.6 Is it appropriate to discuss the legitimacy of spanking as a form
of discipline for children in real life?
2.7 Is it appropriate to discuss news stories about spanking such as
the Michael Faye caning?
2.8 How should stories be titled and introduced?
2.9 Are male/male spanking stories appropriate to post here?
3. COMMONLY USED TERMS AND ABBREVIATIONS
3.1 Keywords Found in Story Subject Lines
3.2 Common Abbreviations on Alt.Sex.Spanking
3.3 Some Useful Definitions
4. SPANKING ORIGINS, FANTASIES, EROTICISM
4.1 I've been fascinated by spanking since I was a child. Am I alone?
4.2 Do my fantasies have to be consistent with my values and ethics?
4.3 Will my interest in spanking escalate into other forms of kinky
sex?
5. SPANKING PLAY
5.1 I'd like to reveal my spanking interests to my partner but am
afraid of being rebuffed. What should I do?
5.2 I've never been spanked before but would like to be. What should I
do?
5.3 I've never given a spanking before but would like to. What should
I do?
5.4 I feel silly when I try to play out spankings. How do I make my
experiences meet my fantasies?
5.5 What does consensuality mean?
5.6 What is a safeword?
5.7 Is there a consensus here regarding consensuality and safewords?
5.8 My partner or I have a low tolerance for pain. Will we be able to
enjoy spankings?
5.9 How can I get my partner to spank me harder?
5.10 How do I minimize the risk of physical injury during spanking
play?
5.11 Can any of you 'seasoned veterans' offer suggestions on how
bruising can be prevented - or at least minimized?
6. MORE SPANKING ON THE INTERNET
6.1 Other Usenet Groups
6.2 Web Sites
6.3 E-Mail File Servers
6.4 IRC Channels
----------------------------------------------------------------------
1. INTRODUCTION TO A.S.S.
1.1 What is alt.sex.spanking all about?
Alt.sex.spanking (a.s.s.) is a splinter group from alt.sex.bondage
(a.s.b). While the discussions on a.s.b cover the entire breadth of BDSM
interests, a.s.s. topics deal with spanking in an erotic context,
whether as fantasy or real experiences. In addition, a.s.s. includes
discussions on real life discipline between adults, and sightings of
spanking scenes in books, t.v., and movies.
1.2 Why is this newsgroup so friendly?
The vast majority of people who post are here to talk about spanking rather
than to argue. Many feel that a.s.s. has the highest signal-to-noise ratio
of any of the alt.sex newsgroups. People whose only contributions are
flames are not well received here.
1.3 Is spanking a form of BDSM?
Whether one considers spanking as a sub-set of BDSM (bondage,
discipline, sado-masochism) is a matter of personal preference. Some
people relate only to spanking, while some relate to the broader
spectrum of BDSM.
1.4 What is the difference between spanking and spousal abuse?
At a minimum, the difference would be whether there was consent of the
person receiving the spanking. If it is an erotic spanking, the receiver
has the right to getting some kind of pleasure of it. If it is for real
life discipline, there has to be a clear understanding of the conditions
of that framework, and the consent of the receiver to those conditions.
See Section 5 of this FAQ for more detailed discussions of consensuality.
1.5 What is the difference between spanking and flagellation?
Spanking is a subset of flagellation. The spankings of interest to a.s.s.
are reminiscent of childhood spankings that were administered at home and
school and that were applied primarily to the buttocks. This includes
spankings with hands, paddles, belts, straps, hairbrushes, switches, and
canes.
1.6 Is it possible to meet people through this newsgroup?
Yes. By becoming a positive participant of a.s.s., others may become
interested in meeting you. While there appears to be a higher than normal
ratio of females to males for alt.sex newsgroups, males still far outnumber
females so women will find it easier to meet men, and men will find it
easier to meet men.
1.7 What is alt.personals.spanking?
Alt.personals.spanking is the appropriate newsgroup to post personal ads
seeking spanking partners.
1.8 Is it appropriate to post personal ads here?
No. Post personal ads to alt.personals.spanking.
1.9 Might I find certain postings to be offensive or distasteful?
Yes. You should assume that there will always be some articles that do not
conform to your tastes or sensibilities. If a significant portion of the
articles offend you then this newsgroup is probably not for you. If you
believe certain things should be censored then YOU take responsibility and
censor what YOU read.
1.10 What is "delurking" and how do I do it?
To "lurk" is to read a newsgroup without posting. To "delurk" is to begin
posting to a newsgroup, usually with an introduction. Your introductory
post is a good time to tell people about yourself and your particular
tastes in spanking.
Good information to include in a delurk post includes but is not limited to
childhood spanking experiences, sexual spanking experiences, the kinds of
articles you like to see posted to alt.sex.spanking, your particular
spanking tastes, etc. Of course, you are free to post anything you like but
negative criticism right out the gate will not endear you to the other
participants.
Many are content to read the posts of others; however, those who
participate by posting are able to realize the full potential of what this
newsgroup has to offer.
1.11 What is the roster and why should I submit an entry?
The A.S.S. Roster is similar to a club roster. It is a compilation of brief
spanking biographies of some of the participants of this newsgroup. It is
updated and posted every month or two.
The roster is currently maintained by Bonnie (BoneB@aol.com). To submit an
entry, fill out a "roster template" and e-mail to BoneB@aol.com. The roster
template is posted with each updated roster. More detailed instructions are
included with the template and the roster.
There are several reasons why you may want to list your entry in the
roster. The roster serves as an extended delurk so that others who come
along later may become familiar with you even though your initial delurk is
gone. You may wish to include geographical information so that others in
your area may contact you.
1.12 I'm female. Will I be inundated with unwelcome e-mail solicitations if
I delurk or list an entry in the roster?
As is the case with all the alt.sex newsgroups, females generally get more
attention than males. Some of this attention comes in the form of e-mail
and there is always the risk that you may find a particular message to be
offensive; however, the female participants of alt.sex.spanking have
reported that, for the most part, the e-mail they've received is polite.
Again, alt.sex.spanking is a cut above most other alt.sex newsgroups.
If, for whatever reason, you absolutely, positively cannot receive
spanking-related e-mail then DO NOT post to alt.sex.spanking. To post with
the admonition not to respond is to place an unrealistic amount of faith in
the willingness of hundreds of thousands of anonymous people to respect
your wishes.
------------------------------
2. NEWSGROUP ETIQUETTE
2.1 What is appropriate to post here?
Just about any text that relates to erotic spanking -- fiction, real-life
anecdotes, childhood memories, questions, advice, scene information, etc.
2.2 What is inappropriate to post here?
non-text material is never appropriate. Please post spanking pictures to
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage (a.b.p.e.b.), or preferably to
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.spanking (a.b.p.e.s.), although it is still
not widely available). You can then include a short post in a.s.s to
point to the a.b.p.e.b post (ideally giving the message-id of the latter).
Personal ads, material that is not primarily spanking-oriented, discussions
relating to spanking as a legitimate form of discipline for children, and
gratuitous flames. Ads should be posted to alt.personals.spanking, general
BDSM material should be posted to a.s.b., and discussions regarding the
value of spanking as a legitimate form of discipline for children should be
posted to alt.parenting.solutions, alt.parenting.spanking,
alt.parents-teens, or misc.kids.
2.3 What are common mistakes made by newcomers?
Posting personal ads. Posting spanking binaries outside of a.b.p.e.b. or
a.b.p.e.s. Discussing personal grudges in public posts rather than
through e-mail. Attempting to brand as inappropriate that which is, in
fact, appropriate. Flaming and whining.
2.4 Is it appropriate to flame heterocentric language and attitudes?
Many heterosexuals read and post to a.s.s. and are to be extended the same
level of courtesy and tolerance by gays that gays demand of hets. Do not
flame hets for failing to purge their language of heterocentric references
or for failing to acknowledge the validity of the queer lifestyle. This is
a forum for the discussion of erotic spanking, not political correctness.
2.5 Is it appropriate to post real-life experiences or stories involving
the spanking of children?
Yes. Many of us either experienced or witnessed spankings as a child and
the recountings of these experiences are appropriate to post here.
Furthermore, many spanking stories involve children being spanked and these
are appropriate to post. This is a sensitive area and it requires the
ability to distinguish between what one fantasizes about and what one acts
upon.
Blatant descriptions of sexuality involving children are offensive to many
here (and to the society at large) and are to be approached with caution.
There does not seem to be a clear consensus on where the line is drawn but
suffice to say the emphasis should be on spanking rather than other forms
of sexuality.
2.6 Is it appropriate to discuss the legitimacy of spanking as a form of
discipline for children in real life?
No. This is best left to alt.parenting.solutions, alt.parenting.spanking,
alt.parents-teens, or misc.kids. Again, this is a sensitive area because
a.s.s. is a forum for the discussion of erotic spanking.
2.7 Is it appropriate to discuss news stories about spanking such as the
Michael Faye caning?
Yes. These are appropriate to post and discuss here because many of us find
real-life experiences to be erotic. Again, we try to avoid having the
discussion degrade into an argument about the legitimacy of corporal
punishment.
2.8 How should stories be titled and introduced?
Because tastes vary, it is customary to use descriptive titles when posting
a story. For example, if a story named "School Days" involves the paddling
of an 8-year-old boy by a female teacher, an appropriate title might be
"School Days (child spanking, F/m)". It is also common for authors to list
potentially controversial elements in an introduction as a warning (or
enticement). Sensitive areas include nonconsensuality, same-sex spanking,
childhood spanking, explicit sexuality, and elements of general BDSM. See
the Abbreviation Section of this FAQ for a detailed list of commonly used
story keywords.
2.9 Are male/male spanking stories appropriate to post here?
Yes, male/male stories are appropriate to post here. If you don't like
them, don't read them. Do not flame people because they post male/male
spanking stories. Do not flame people because they are gay or bisexual.
------------------------------
3. COMMONLY USED TERMS AND ABBREVIATIONS
3.1 Keywords Found in Story Subject Lines
Note: The terms listed below are by no means required to post a story.
They are simply guidelines to help both those who are looking for a
particular type of story and those who are turned off by certain
activities. Putting keywords in the subject line will give readers an
idea of the story content without having to download the entire post. It
is not necessary to choose words from each category below, only the ones
you feel are important for the readers to know.
Participants
------------
x/y x spanks y, where x and y are:
F adult female
f young female
M adult male
m young male
e.g. F/m adult female spanks young male
M/Ff adult male spanks an adult female and a young female
MF/fm A boy and girl are spanked by two adults
Note: if two people switch roles, use 'F/M,M/F', not 'FM/MF' which
implies there are four people in the scene
Methods
-------
otk over-the-knee
hand :
paddle :
cane use of instrument
strap :
etc. :
Scene types
-----------
school teacher spanks student scene
relig. spare the rod...
office discipline at work
public with spectators
Other Descriptive Terms
----------------------
anal anal penetration
bond bondage (physical restraint)
cons consensual
edgy heavy b&d (drawing blood, breast/genital torture, etc.)
heavy a "heavy" spanking
humor joke posts or amusing stories
incest incestuous relationships
nc, non-con non-consensual situations
oral mouth-to-genital contact
sex penetration
teen Involving a teenager
3.2 Common Abbreviations on Alt.Sex.Spanking
a.b.p.e.b. Alt.Binaries.Pictures.Erotica.Bondage - one appropriate group
to post or download spanking pictures
a.b.p.e.s Alt.Binaries.Pictures.Erotica.Spanking - a more appropriate
newsgroup for spanking pictures, but not available on some
servers
AFAIK As Far As I Know
a.s.b. alt.sex.bondage
a.s.s. alt.sex.spanking
BTW By The Way
CHUDWAH Clueless Heterosexual Dom WAnnabe
FAQ Frequently Asked Question(s)
FWIW For What It's Worth
FYI For Your Information
GIF/JPEG Compression formats for digital pictures.
HNG Horny Net Geek
IMHO In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO In My Not-So-Humble Opinion
IMX In My Experience
IRC Internet Relay Chat
LOL Laughing Out Loud
MMF Make Money Fast, the Usenet's infamous chain-letter
MOTAS/OS/SS Member of the Appropriate Sex/ Opposite Sex/ Same sex
OTOH On The Other Hand
PISS Passive Ignorance Silence Strike
RL Real Life
ROTFL(MAO) Rolling On The Floor Laughing (My Ass Off)
RTFM Read the F***ing Manual
SO Significant Other
WIITWD What it is that We Do
WTH What The Heck/Hell
WRT With Respect To
YKINOK Your Kink is not OK
YKIOKIJNMK Your Kink is OK, It's Just not My Kink
YMMV Your Milage may Vary
24/7 24 hours, 7 days/week, full time
<g> grin
<bg>, <G> big grin
<eg> evil grin
<veg> very evil grin
3.3 Some Useful Definitions
Sie Gender-neutral pronoun equivalent to "She or He"
Hir Gender-neutral pronoun equivalent to "Him or Her" or
possessive pronoun equivalent to "His or Her"
Lurker Someone who reads a group, but doesn't post
Squick To disgust someone with an activity past the limit of his/her
tolerance; e.g., "Watching that hard caning squicked me!"
Flame A vitriolic attack in response to a post, generally on a
personal level.
Killfile A file used by some newsreaders containing a list of subjects,
names, or keywords to be deleted from the unread article list
before it is displayed. If you are 'plonked' by someone, you
have been added to their killfile.
Flamebait An offensive article designed to incite a large number of
responses, thus drowning out more relevant discussions. If a
flamebait is cross-posted, each response will be cross-posted
to every group unless the newsgroup line is edited (Cf. Jello).
A subject line in all caps is a good indication of a flamebait.
Troll See Flamebait. The term either comes from 'trawl' (to drag a
big net to catch large numbers of unwary fish) or from the
legendary creature that waits under a bridge for an
unsuspecting goat to cross.
Spam An article (almost always an ad or personal) posted to a large
number of groups which is clearly irrelevant to the group.
Technically, a spam is posted one group at a time, while a
Velveeta/Jello is cross-posted.
Velveeta An inappropriate article that is massively cross-posted to
other groups either to save on typing for the poster, or to
avoid detection by automated Spam-seeking Bot programs.
Jello A flamebait posted as a Spam/Velveeta, designed to incapacitate
the affected groups. The alt.sex.* hierarchy is a favorite
target for Jello posts.
------------------------------
4. SPANKING ORIGINS, FANTASIES, EROTICISM
4.1 I've been fascinated by spanking since I was a child. Am I alone?
No. Just the traffic on this newsgroup is indicative of a widespread
interest in spanking. Vendors of spanking erotica have customer bases of
thousands. Double entendre's about spanking abound on sitcoms. Bondage
parlors around the world have always done a brisk business in spankings.
You have plenty of company.
4.2 Do my fantasies have to be consistent with my values and ethics?
No. Just as it is possible to have a rape fantasy without condoning rape,
it is possible to fantasize about spanking without condoning physical
abuse. Many of us feel that our actions must be consistent with our values
and that by playing spanking games that are safe and consensual, we remain
within our ethical bounds.
4.3 Will my interest in spanking escalate into other forms of kinky sex?
Maybe, maybe not. If you already relate to other forms of BDSM or
kinkiness, then exploring spanking may allow you to feel comfortable with
further explorations. However, there are many people who relate to spanking
only and play with it their entire lives without a desire to "diversify".
------------------------------
5. SPANKING PLAY
5.1 I'd like to reveal my spanking interests to my partner but am afraid of
being rebuffed. What should I do?
There are actually multiple answers to this question, depending on the
source of your nervousness.
First, keep in mind that if spanking is a sexual turn on for you, it should
be treated as any other sexual turn on should be treated in your
relationship. If it's 'too early' for you to be talking about sex at all,
it's probably too early for you to be talking about spanking.
However, assuming you're already talking about sex, what special things
should you do to talk about spanking as a part of sexplay?
First, you should try to be relaxed over your desires. If you seem too
nervous, your partner might pick up on your nervousness, and react badly to
it.
Keep in mind that playful swats are exchanged in many 'normal'
relationships; what you're asking about is just more of this 'normal'
playfulness that couples engage in. Also keep in mind that every step of
your play will be consensual, so no one will be forced into something s/he
dislikes.
Because of these two items, you have no reason to feel bad about asking for
spanking play, in particular. There is some reason to be nervous that your
partner will refuse to engage in spanking play at all; that's a danger of
asking for any form of sexual expression. While it can be painful to find
that you can not engage in your favorite fantasies with someone you love,
it is nevertheless one of the risks of any relationship and any fantasy.
But what if you've approached everything well, and your partner still
reacts badly? Well, try to figure out why you got a bad reaction.
Your partner or someone close to your partner may have been spanked or
beaten as a child, and talk about spanking might open those bad memories
back up. In this case, make sure your partner realizes that you were
talking about playful spankings, not real ones, and then try to let the
subject drop for the time being unless your partner wants to discuss it
further.
It's also possible that your partner doesn't have severe emotional problems
with spankings, but simply considers spankings as sexplay 'weird' or
'sick'. In this case, you have to decide if the relationship is worth
continuing. A warning: while people are often irrational about what is
'proper' sexplay, that irrationality should not splash back onto you! If
your partner decides that spanking is not good sexplay, that's one thing;
if your partner considers YOU to be 'sick' for wanting to engage in
spanking play, there's something seriously wrong with your relationship.
Partners should not consider each other's desires to be sick, even if they
don't want to engage in them personally.
5.2 I've never been spanked before but would like to be. What should I do?
If you're adverse to asking for a spanking, you can try being teasing and
'naughty' and hinting that you deserve one; however, unless your partner is
already into spanking, and unless you are looking for fairly mild, playful
spankings, you'll probably have to talk to your partner sooner or later
about your desires.
In some senses, it is easier to be a spankee than a spanker. You don't have
to worry about your partner thinking that you want to hurt him or her.
However, asking for a spanking comes with it's own set of dangers.
The biggest thing you want to be careful about is pressuring your partner.
Unless your partner is already into spanking, it's very likely that s/he
has no idea what your looking for, and thus, has no idea what you want.
This can be very nerve wracking! It is not easy to do something that you
know is hurtful to someone you care for.
Be patient. Keep in mind that your partner can't read your mind, and thus
can't feel the pleasure that comes with the pain of a spanking. Keep in
mind also that your partner doesn't know what effect s/he is having on your
bottom; try to help teach your partner what you like without being
discouraging.
Most importantly, give your partner time to get used to each new 'level' of
spanking. Do not try to push your partner too fast; that's a sure recipe
for making your partner frightened, or making your partner feel inadequate.
Try to react to spanking that you enjoy so that it's clear that your
partner made you happy; this helps a spanker get over the nervousness of
'hurting' you. Also, try to reward your partner for spanking you; this is
not only a good relationship builder, it's also a good way to help your
partner get turned on by spanking you.
Most importantly, don't be afraid to guide your partner; you may feel silly
laying over your partner's lap and saying "okay, try just a bit harder this
time", but the long term benefits are worth it. . . both in getting better
spankings, and in improving communication.
5.3 I've never given a spanking before but would like to. What should I do?
In some ways, this is easier than wanting to be spanked, because you can
take a more active role. However, unless your partner is already into
receiving spankings, or unless your desires are satisfied by giving fairly
mild spankings, you'll probably want to talk to your partner about your
desires sooner or later.
First, be clear about your desires. If you can't get turned on except by
fairly severe spankings, you may well end up having to find someone who is
already into being spanked. While most people can end up dealing with mild
spankings, severe spanking is definitely not a taste that you can or should
expect someone to acquire.
If you can be satisfied with playful, relatively mild spankings, however,
there are still some issues to keep in mind.
First, before even thinking about pain, think about the emotional aspects.
Never spank someone for a 'real' fault or mistake unless your relationship
already has that aspect to it. Never suggest that your partner is
submissive in any way, shape, or form, other than in taking a spanking,
unless your relationship already has that aspect to it. Most importantly,
learn and respect your partner's preferences in dealing with a spanking;
you're already asking to do something 'harmful' to your partner; don't push
your partner into bad emotional states at the same time!
Next, start slowly. The best 'first swat' is one that is given over full
clothing as a teasing or playful gesture. This lets you measure your
partner's emotional reaction to spanking, and lets you decide if you want
to press the issue.
Be careful on those first few swats! A single spank that hits too hard
might give your partner the idea that you're into 'pain', not 'spanking'.
If your partner reacts well to these initial swats, you might want to see
how far you can go. If you do so, however, be extremely careful! Yes, it
can be a bit embarrassing to admit that you would like to take your partner
over your knee and administer a good spanking; it can be a lot worse to
have to apologize for having hurt your partner, either physically or
emotionally.
In any case, patience is an absolute necessity. If your partner isn't
'naturally' into spanking, you have to make sure that every spanking you
administer is a pleasant experience. Since the spanking itself my not be
pleasant, make sure that your partner always gets something pleasant out of
the experience. This helps link your playful spankings to pleasure for your
partner, and will actually help your partner enjoy more and even harder
spankings.
Work slowly, not just physically, but psychologically. If your partner ends
up enjoying light spanks over underpants, do not assume that your partner
will like the same 'physical level' of spanks on the bare bottom! There is
little physical difference, but the psychological difference is immense.
When working on an uncertain person, spank fairly gently, and mix your hard
spanks with softer ones, and with lots of rubbing and caresses. Even a
person who doesn't specifically like spankings might learn to enjoy a few
hard swats to bring about a sting, followed by kisses and caresses for
contrast.
Finally, and most importantly, let your partner be your guide. Learn to
read your partner for signs that say when you're spanking too hard. Also
learn to read your partner for when you've actually gotten to the 'right'
level of spanking! While your spankings may simply be something your
partner 'puts up with' for the pleasure of being your lover, it's even
better if you both end up enjoying the spankings.
5.4 I feel silly when I try to play out spankings. How do I make my
experiences meet my fantasies?
One thing that you have to keep in mind is that your fantasies are 'perfect
images' while your experiences are not. In your mind, no one ever spanks
too hard, too light, too fast, or too slow. That's one reason for your
first experiences not working out.
The majority of other issues deal with the imagery and energy of the scene.
First, if you don't enjoy role play, and there's role playing involved in
your first spankings, you're being distracted from the 'main event'. . .
similarly, if you love role play, but aren't getting any, you're not
getting any 'foreplay', as it were, before the main event. Negotiation
regarding the level and type of role play with your partner will help a
lot.
However, what if the level and type of role play seems to be working and
you still. . . well, feel silly getting into these roles?
It does take practice. There's a certain kind of 'magic' woven through
roleplaying, and the 'spell' is best served through completely letting
yourself go into the role. The "scolding parent" will have a harder time
keeping a straight face if the "repentant teen" can't. . . but if the teen
looks nervous and embarrassed and guilty, the parent will have a much
easier time staying in character, which will make the scene seem more real
and more enjoyable for everyone.
It might well feel silly at first; it does quickly get easier over time.
5.5 What does consensuality mean?
In general, consensuality means that both parties (the spanker and the
spankee) wish to engage in spanking play with each other and both are
able to stop the play at any time for any reason. Consensuality is more
difficult to define for spanking than for other types of erotic play.
For some, getting punished against one's will for a misdeed is a
powerful fantasy. To play out this fantasy thus requires some degree of
nonconsent. However, at some point before the activity there should have
been some sort of understanding of what the conditions or boundaries
would be. A pleasurable (even if painful) experience for both
participants should be the ultimate goal of an erotic spanking session.
5.6 What is a safeword?
A safeword is a word that a spankee may use to stop spanking play
immediately. A safeword serves two purposes. It functions as a safety valve
to prevent the prolonged violation of limits. And, it allows the spankee to
engage in mock protests without confusing the spanker.
Common safewords are "red", "mercy", "uncle", and believe it or not
"aardvark" (it must be a west-coast thing). Some people also use cautionary
words such as "yellow" to signal that the play is getting close to the
limits and should be softened but not stopped.
Safewords seem to be more widely used in the general SM scene than in the
spanking scene; however, it is considered wise practice especially when
playing with someone for the first time. There are some pitfalls to watch
for, however. First of all, the use of a safeword does not relieve the
spanker of their responsibility to read and respond to non-verbal cues.
Safewords can give a false sense of security to both parties which is
dangerous if other forms of communication are ignored. Also, it is
considered bad form to intentionally force someone to use their safeword.
5.7 Is there a consensus here regarding consensuality and safewords?
Yes and no. It is a commonly held view here that spanking play should be
consensual; however, a number of tedious, circular discussions have
occurred regarding the right of a submissive to relinquish consensuality
(but isn't that still consensual?) or the necessity of an explicit safeword
(otherwise you don't have true consensuality). This issue stirs extremely
strong emotions for no apparent reason. The consensus here is that it is
not always necessary to use a safeword to achieve consensuality.
5.8 My partner or I have a low tolerance for pain. Will we be able to enjoy
spankings?
It depends. It is possible to work around a low pain tolerance with a good
deal of patience and role play. . . but it won't work at all if one of the
partners simply doesn't enjoy the gentler spankings required.
Try spankings over full clothing; good fitting blue jeans are a prime
choice because they shape the bottom but provide a great deal of protection
against sting. Even underpants will provide a lot of protection from sting
as long as you're not really trying to hurt your partner.
Also, experiment with implements; there are a wide variety of implements
that provide a lovely 'smacking' sound with very little effect, especially
through underpants. Light, thin wood paddles, or thin leather wielded
somewhat gently work well for this. Some cloth belts also make a good
'show', but don't tend to snap quite as well. Also, some of the implements
you'll find in adult toystores are made for exactly this purpose: making a
heck of a show, with little actual effect.
Finally, start very slowly; a slowly built up spanking will cause less
pain, and will also help build up a person's resistance to spankings.
People DO gain 'tougher butts' over time!
5.9 How can I get my partner to spank me harder?
If your partner actively enjoys spanking you already, you can probably just
provide some gentle encouragement; however, if your partner is not a
'natural spanker', your partner could very well be terrified of 'really'
hurting you. This is an extremely hard thing to get over. Also, your
partner may be 'freaked out' by seeing you enjoy yourself from something
that's so obviously 'painful'.
That is why the first step is to avoid pressure. Your partner has some
real, honest to goodness issues to deal with.
One thing that will help is trust. Make sure your partner knows that you
*WILL* call a halt if it hurts too much. At the same time, joke about how
tough your butt really is, and how much it takes to 'really' hurt. If you
can do it without embarrassment, a demonstration of your 'prowess' might
help. When your partner sees you smack yourself, hard, and sees that you
really didn't react badly, s/he might get over any timidity. (BTW, when
doing such a demonstration, make sure your partner can see your face; a
'traditional' spanking leaves your face hidden, so your partner can't see
if you're smiling blissfully or fighting back tears.)
It might help to make a kind of game out if it, too. Bet something your
partner likes against spanks for you, then coach your partner during your
reward spanks.
It also helps, as always, if you can give feedback for every step forward.
If every harder spank gets a "Oh, MUCH better!", the spanks will get harder
and harder! Also, don't be afraid to stop a good spanking in the middle for
a long kiss of appreciation; again, you might be sacrificing a prime
spanking now, but you'll be setting up better ones to come!
A final word of warning: DO NOT mock or tease your partner for not spanking
hard enough; this may feel like you're insulting your partner's dislike of
'really' hurting you, and can lead to badly hurt feelings. NEVER FORGET
that a reluctance to spank hard is grounded in some beautiful, caring
feelings. You want your partner to see why those feelings don't apply to
your bottom; you don't want to get rid of them altogether!
5.10 How do I minimize the risk of physical injury during spanking play?
It is the responsibility of both parties to play safely. Just as the
spanker is responsible for respecting limits, the spankee is responsible
for communicating limits. While the spankee may be playing a submissive
role in the scene, he or she still has a real- life responsibility to
assure safe play.
A common mistake of beginning spankers is to play at too fast a pace which
may not allow the spankee enough time to warm up or communicate a problem.
At least at first, spankers should take a slow, deliberate pace.
The spanker should avoid spanking near or above the tail-bone. The swats
should be focused on the fleshy portions of the cheeks.
Extra caution should be taken when using instruments because of the
increased sensation they can administer and because they can cause actual
physical harm if misused. Heavy wooden paddles probably require the most
caution, especially when the spankee is bent well over.
Assuming you have a trustworthy partner, you can minimize your risk of
physical harm by playing within your limits.
5.11 Can any of you 'seasoned veterans' offer suggestions on how bruising
can be prevented - or at least minimized?
Toys that are heavy in relationship to their breadth bruise more. Those
that are lightweight sting more. Try paddles made of lightweight plastic or
wood to minimize bruising. Wooden spoons, ping-pong paddles, and spatulas
are also good to try. Just because an implement is lightweight doesn't mean
it can't really hurt! Speeding up the rate between swats greatly affects
the sensation. Varying the number of fast repetitions, rather than the
force, offers another degree of control for the spanker.
Try to relax during play. Tension seems to accentuate bruising. Long,
gradual warmups help too. If you want to avoid bruising apply cold to your
bottom before and after a spanking. Keep your skin in good moist condition
by using lotion. Dry skin will crack easier. You may want to consider a
vitamin C supplement of 500mg three times a day. Vitamin C helps build
collagen tissue around blood vessels in the skin. This will help the vessel
resist rupture. Some people have had good results healing bruises by using
arnica (either topical or oral, available in health food stores) and bruise
plasters (available in Asian herbal pharmacies).
People on anticoagulant medication (heparin, aspirin, warfarin-coumadin)
for problems with clotting should avoid playing hard. Drugs that fall
under the category of anti-inflammatory, antidepressants or asthma
medications also may inhibit clotting under the skin. These drugs tend to
make bruises larger.
Treating a bruise
A bruise is actually internal bleeding. You want to apply ice so that
the blood vessels shut down. Do this in 15 minute intervals. Don't apply
heat to the skin. Let it warm up naturally. After 24 hours you want to
open up the blood vessels to the area so that the blood that has pooled
under your skin can be carried away. To do this you apply heat. This same
rule should be applied for sore muscles. Always use cold for the first 24
hours and then heat.
------------------------------
6. MORE SPANKING ON THE INTERNET
6.1 OTHER USENET GROUPS
-----------------------
(*Not carried by many servers)
Spanking as a legitimate form of discipline for children
alt.parenting.solutions
*alt.parenting.spanking
alt.parents-teens
misc.kids
Erotic spanking
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage
*alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.spanking
alt.personals.spanking
*alt.personals.spanking.punishment
alt.sex.bondage
alt.spank.jennifer.capriati
alt.spank.tonya.harding
6.2 WEB SITES
-------------
- Tim's OTK Page <http://www.eskimo.com/~twl/otk.html>
"It's a fact that throughout history, spanking has been a common
practice as atonement for sins, or just plain naughty behavior for that
matter. Many of you practice it, and many more just fantasize about it.
No matter your interest in the subject, you have found a home."
- Witness's Home Page <http://www.eskimo.com/~twl/witness/witness.html>
Spanking stories intermingled with quality spanking pictures
- The IRC #Spanking Page <http://www.msilink.com/~kent/spanker.html>
Bio and pictures of some #spanking regulars, links to adult pages, and
features the "ACTION SHOT of the WEEK"
- The C-Red Spanking Resource <http://www.cris.com/~Redman/spkg>
A source for information relevant to a.s.s., and for others seeking
information. Occasionally features an on-line survey or the results of one.
This site also contains the most recent version of this FAQ, and up-to-date
links to other sites of interest.
- The Society for Human Sexuality at University of Washington
<http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/>
A superb library of files concerning all aspects of sex.
(From the Constitution) "It shall be the purpose of this organization to
support the understanding and expression of human sexuality. We will
promote education about and acceptance of all sexual orientations, as well
as all consensual and safe sexual practices."
- The Wildfire Club <http://www.zynet.net/elektra/wildfire>
'The Wildfire Club is a WWW site specialising in female discipline,
including photographs and reports of female discipline and our own
discussion forum to which you are welcome to contribute.
'The special feature of this forum is that it deals with real
discipline in a serious manner; bad language, overt sexuality and crude
behaviour in general are excluded.
'The Wildfire Club is also the world's finest source of authentic
school-type disciplinary implements, including English school canes and
Scottish school straps, made exactly as they always have been.
'We publish a small selection of high-quality female disciplinary
literature in handsome hardback editions. You can read extracts at the
site.
- Adam and Gillian's Sensual Whips and Toys
<http://www.catalog.com/utopian/www/whips.html>
Adam and Gillian have been providing whips and toys for the BDSM
community since 1987, through in-person sales and by mail-order.
Currently, there is a text-only catalog available, as well as a graphic
catalog application available for those with access to a machine running
Windows 3.0+. An on-line web-based catalog of our goods is currently
under development, and your patience is appreciated.
- Santa Barbara Paddle Company <http://www.rain.org/~bross/sbpc.html>
"... is the nation's largest mail-order paddle supplier. Simply put, our
paddles are the finest available. We supply paddles to fraternities and
other organizations and individuals all over the United States, Canada
and t he world. Now you can buy hot paddling videos from us too!! You
can order from us with complete confidence and confidentiality. All
products are shipped with privacy in mind and our mailing list is never
released to anyone."
6.3 E-MAIL FILE SERVERS
------------------------
The Louvre
----------
Subject: The Louvre BACK online!
Date: 13 Sep 1995 21:07:07 GMT
From: dhuberma@copper.ucs.indiana.edu (Louvre Admin)
THE LOUVRE IS NOW BACK ONLINE.
to use it, send email to louvre@dido.fa.indiana.edu with the subject
line header of HELP.
--
Dave-id Huberman |||| "Candy is Dandy,
Senior, Telecommunications |||| but
Indiana University, Bloomington |||| Sex won't rot your teeth!"
DHUBERMA@indiana.edu |||| -Willy Wonka... sort of
6.4 IRC CHANNELS
----------------
#spanking
---------
From: twl@eskimo.com (Tim L.)
Subject: Visit us on IRC.
Date: Wed, 26 Jul 1995 21:50:59 GMT
A little reminder for anyone interested, drop by the IRC channel
#spanking on the undernet, we're a tight friendly bunch that always
welcomes new Spankophiles. For further directions, try my home page. It
has a small tutorial on getting there. OH, bonus, we don't have flame
wars there. :) Isn't that nice.
-Tim
--
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
aka MrTim
http://www.eskimo.com/~twl/otk.html (old page, new one under construction)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
#xarcon
-------
From: darla46@aol.com (Darla 46)
Subject: PARTY REMINDER FOR UNDERNETTERS
Date: 30 Jul 1995 23:51:40 -0400
****** IRC PARTY ********
All A.S.S. lurkers and lurkees are cordially invited to a
magnificent evening of fun, frolic and other nifty things that
begin with "f" as well as other letters of the alphabet.
Time: Monday 10:00 PM (22:00 hrs) Eastern Time (7PM Pacific, 8PM
Mountain, 9PM Central)
Place: IRC (Undernet)* Channel #xarcon (or #xarkon, depending upon
who gets there first)
An IRC channel resembles an aol chat room except that there aren't
any fire marshall's regulations concerning how many can be in the
room.
For those who don't know very much about IRC, don't worry --
nearly all of us are newbies at this, and nobody will scorn you for
your lack of expertise. To get clued in about how IRC works, you
should download and read the FAQ file from the newsgroup alt.irc.
The one thing to keep in mind is that truly _private_ chatting can
only be achieved in a mode called DCC-chat, so if security is of
concern to you, learn how to use that facility before the party.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*NOTE: In order to get onto the undernet, you should be using one
of the following servers:
albany.ny.us.undernet.org 128.213.5.17 New York
austin.tx.us.undernet.org 128.83.162.106 Texas
boston.ma.us.undernet.org 129.10.22.11 Massachusetts
davis.ca.us.undernet.org 128.120.2.8 California
manhattan.ks.us.undernet.org 129.130.8.12 Kansas
milwaukee.wi.us.undernet.org 140.104.4.169 Wisconsin
norman.ok.us.undernet.org 129.15.22.33 Oklahoma
pasadena.ca.us.undernet.org 131.215.99.9 California
rochester.mi.us.undernet.org 141.210.10.117 Michigan
sanjose.ca.us.undernet.org 192.160.13.4 California
stgeorge.ut.us.undernet.org 144.38.16.2 Utah
tampa.fl.us.undernet.org 131.247.31.19 Florida
washington.dc.us.undernet.org 152.163.51.22 Virginia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The authors would like to thank the readers of a.s.s. for all of their
constructive comments and suggestions during the compilation of this FAQ.
Further comments on theis document can be sent to:
Redman@cris.com (C-Red)
or
debbie@netcom.com (debbie ann)
--
User Contributions:
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