Top Family Guy Quotes 18 items ranked
The Best Quotes from Family Guy
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1.
Peter: I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about.
17 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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2.
Stewie: I want pancakes!! You people understand every language except English! Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez-moi pancakes! Click-click-bloody-click pancakes!!!
9 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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3.
Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts. (Lois and Peter stare in silence) Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts. (Peter and Lois keep staring) Meg: You don’t know anything about me. (runs upstairs) Peter: Who was that guy?
7 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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4.
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.
Stewie being his usual pleasant self and ending with a random death threat.
6 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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5.
Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing? Peter: Oh yeah.
Two points, one for the idea of Peter reading, and of course for the joke itself
3 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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6.
Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.. uhhhh ... Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian. Brian: Oh, oh you speak English! Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it. Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right? Bellboy (Spanish): Que?
3 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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7.
Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."
Pure Peter logic here, you can’t help but laugh at it.
2 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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8.
Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for? Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
2 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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9.
Lois: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water, it's not gonna bite. Stewie: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you!
2 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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10.
Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.' Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
1.I’m surprised Peter even knew how Oooo was spelled.
1 point - added 4 months ago by kris -
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11.
1.This quote is funny because well it’s true. They’ve never successfully explained anything to Peter.
1.Peter: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night.
Brian: All? Peter, only only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family.
Peter: No, the rest were from the family. Weren't they? (Pauses.) Oh crap...since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian: They had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card, but it said "for Peter" on it so you must of thought it was from you, so you didn't...you know, its just easier to call you stupid.
1 point - added 4 months ago by kris -
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12.
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim! Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick. Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic! Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
1 point - added 4 months ago by kris -
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13.
Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle. Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team! Brian: What the hell are you talking about?
0 points - added 4 months ago by kris -
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14.
Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard. Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk? Peter: I drift in and out.
-1 point - added 4 months ago by kris -
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15.
Black Knight: You see kids, your father is nothing but a fizzle! (Peter reappears in armour and on a horse.) Peter: Nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it! Except for that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran away, he got away with it. But most of the people who call me a fizzle don't get away with it! Actually he was the only guy to ever call me a fizzle, but after today only half the people who have ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it!
-1 point - added 4 months ago by kris -
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16.
Mafia guy: You come to me and ask me to kill a man I do not know. Now I ask you, why should I kill this "Count Chocula"? Captain Crunch: Because that son of a bitch has been spreading lies! My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth! With all respect
-1 point - added 4 months ago by kris -
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17.
Lois: What kind of egotistical, selfish, moronic and idiotic person would get liposuction... Who? WHO? (Peter walks in at half of his weight) Stewie: Oh my God... It has finally happened, he has become so massive that he collapsed into himself like a neutron star.
-1 point - added 4 months ago by kris -
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18.
Peter: Lois, um, go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung." Lois: Why? Peter: Time is a factor, Lois.
-1 point - added 4 months ago by kris -
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