alt.gothic FAQ v.4.0.4 "finding a sickness you like"

From: "erith romycin" <erithromycin@ananzi.co.za>
Newsgroups: alt.gothic
Subject: alt.gothic FAQ v.4.0.4 "finding a sickness you like"
Date: Thu, 4 Sep 2008 05:19:07 +0100
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alt.gothic new? READ THIS FIRST

draft version 4.0.4 "finding a sickness you like"

Changes since 4.0.3
- added net.goth definition
- added news reading advice
- added welcome

000. Q: Is there a welcome message for alt.gothic?
     A: Yes.
00a: Q: Aren't you meant to be open and welcoming?
     A: What are you? New?
00b  Q: ...
     A: Oh. Um, try not to die in a fire.

001. Q: This FAQ seems incomplete! Is anyone working on updating the FAQ?
     A: Kest is.
01a  Q: What about questions that aren't in this FAQ?
     A: I.  http://www.darkwave.org.uk/faq/ag/
        II. http://groups.google.co.uk/group/alt.gothic/msg/6590b21704f326d6
        III.http://www.altgothic.com/wiki
        IV. Ask. the essence of an FAQ is the AQ, eh?
01b. Q: Can I help write the FAQ?
     A: Yes. Talk to Kest.
01c. Q: Didn't this FAQ have a different title last month?
     A: Yes. Yes it did.

002. Q: What is goth?
     A: A post-punk movement.

001. Q: This FAQ seems incomplete! Is anyone working on updating the FAQ?
     A: Kest is.
01a  Q: What about questions that aren't in this FAQ?
     A: I.  http://www.darkwave.org.uk/faq/ag/
        II. http://groups.google.co.uk/group/alt.gothic/msg/6590b21704f326d6
        III.http://www.altgothic.com/wiki
        IV. ask. the essence of an FAQ is the AQ, eh?
01b. Q: Can I help write the FAQ?
     A: Yes.
01c. Q: This FAQ doesn't match others I've found online! Why?
     A: It isn't the same one.
01d: Q: Are you always so curt?
     A: No. Sometimes I'm Matthew Broderick.

002. Q: What is goth?
     A: A post-punk movement.
02a. Q: What is gothic?
     A: It's a little arch: Crude, architechural, musical, barbaric,
        literary.
02b. Q: What is a net.goth?
     A: A poster to alt.gothic, or another newsgroup within the *.gothic.*
        hierarchy. Those JUSTIFIED by an alt.gothic.INQUISITOR.
2bi. Q: An alt.gothic.INQUISITOR?
     A: Blessed are the words of RFC 1036: "The USENET standard is more
        restrictive than the general Internet Standard"

003. Q: Is X goth?
     A: It might be.
03a  Q: Is Y gothic?
     A: It might not be.
03b. Q: Is emo goth?
     A: No. There are some stylistic similarities, but the two are distinct.
        Emo could be argued as a successor to goth, but history and common
        sense say otherwise.
3bi. Q: What is emo then?
     A: "Goth minus the fucking" / emo is to goth as 14 is to 24

04a. A: It's a SCIENTIFIC FACT.
     Q: Crabs? That doesn't seem...
004. A: It disrupts the natural order of conversation, and it causes
        crabs.
     Q: Why can't I top-post?

005  Q: Are there any other SCIENTIFIC FACTS?
     A: Yes.
        I.   Top-posting causes crabs.
             - See 004.
        II.  Excessive quoting makes you look like a campus socialist.
             - Trim posts you respond to. Leave enough for context.
        III. Missing attribution is like blackout sex.
             - What came from where?
        IV.  Posting binaries causes giant crabs.
             - GIANT CRABS.
        V.   HTML posts cause crabs that won't display in some pubic hair.
        VI.  Cross-posting causes lobsters.
        VII. The Golden Age is a myth.
        [8]. Wikipedia is a crab holding a message in a bottle
             - It's easily broken, usually wet, and it smells a little fishy
        XIX. Sexbat

006. Q: Why are people flaming/ignoring me?
     A: They felt like it.
06a. Q: What do I have to do to get taken seriously around here?
     A: Don't ask that question, for a start. Other than that, post well.
06b. Q: Aren't new posters entitled to a little respect?
     A: See 000.

007. Q: [Redacted]
     A: [Excised]
07e  Q: What's that about?
     A: [Classified]
07f  Q: Do you have any other posting advice?
     A: Posting through http://groups.google.com will work, but you may be
        better served by a proper newsreader and newsfeed. Most ISPs provide
        news servers, or used to. There are a variety of free newsreaders
        available for download too. Recommendations from interested parties
        will be tabulated here.
07g  Q: What is the c*b*l?
     A: There is no c*b*l. There are, however, a number of * chambers.
07h  Q: No, seriously. What is the c*b*l?
     A: The c*b*l are not alt.gothic's secret masters. That's the c*b*l.

008. Q: I have something really funny to say to this troll, can I?
     A: Yes. We can't stop you. Some situations cannot be solved by jokes.
        See your local multiplex for examples. If you can resist, do.

009. Q: Do you have any other advice for me then?
     A: Lurk. Introduce yourself at some point, it seems to be popular.
        It might seem fussy, but alt.gothic abides by Scientific Facts.
        They make conversation easier. The essence is clarity: A post
        should stand on its own two feet. Buckle up. Wear nice boots.

010. Q: Nice boots?
     A: The traditional response is "Wanna fuck?"
-- 
erith - SCIENTIFIC FAQtologist