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From: tomalhe@aol.comdontspam (Tom Heald)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dennis-miller
Date: 12 Nov 2001 05:28:28 GMT
Subject: THE DENNIS MILLER FAQ version 5.3 part .. of ...
Message-ID: <20011112002828.27633.00000313@nso-cq.aol.com>

THE DENNIS MILLER FAQ version 5.3 (part 2: Freddy's Revenge)

3.0 DENNIS MILLER LIVE
3.1 What is the format of the Dennis Miller Live?
It's a half-hour program.
Monologue (Rant)
Guest/Call-in
The Big Screen

*3.2 Is it really live?
During the regular season, (which starts up again in February) it be as live as
possible on Fridays @ 11:30 PM EASTERN. The number is 1-800-522-8673 (the joke
formerly known as 1-800-LACTOSE). Of course HBO reruns it about 359 times a
week, (in season). A word of advice ... don't call the phone number if you
aren't watching it live. Den doesn't live in the studio and if he did, he
probably wouldn't take your call.

3.3 Got any tips on actually getting through? (AKA The Dennis Miller Live
Caller Clinic)

Call early. They only have so many lines, and by the time Dennis looks at the
camera and says, "I want to know what you think, America," all the lines are
frequently filled. (Dennis isn't lying; he just doesn't have the phone bank in
front of him, so he has no way of knowing when the lines actually get filled.)

They generally sit down in front of the phones at about 8 PM Los Angeles time
-- I.E., half an hour before the show starts--and the lines usually start
lighting up about 8:05 or so. If you want to get on, I'd start calling about
then, and keep trying until the show actually starts. If you REALLY want to get
on, there's no harm in keeping on trying right up to the point when the
interview starts, because sometimes people can't come up with a good question,
and a line gets freed up. If you actually get to the point where the Vulcan
voice is giving you a legal spiel, and you hear the phone ringing, you have
made it through. You may have a long wait before you actually get to a human
being, but don't give up. They WILL get to you. And if you hang up, you
probably won't be able to get through again. If you do get through, they'll
tell you what the show's topic is, and give you a few minutes to think about a
question. They're looking for questions that will give Dennis and his guest the
chance to be funny and interesting.

So, here's how to increase your odds of getting on:

A) Be coherent and articulate. If they don't think Dennis is going to
understand what you're saying, they won't put you on. Besides, isn't Art Bell
just waiting for your nightly call?

B) Be brief. The fewer words you can use to get your point across, the better.
Remember, by the time Dennis gets to taking phone calls, there are usually only
10 or 15 minutes left in the show.

C) Try to come up with a question that can serve both as a straight line for a
joke and the start of an interesting conversation. Maybe some examples will
help.

If the topic was "Being a parent," bad questions might include:

-"Do time outs help discipline kids?" (Yes-or-no questions tend to cut off the
conversation)

-"What do you think of being a parent?" (Too general)

-"How do you teach a left-handed girl to bat against a right-handed male
pitcher?" (Too specific--if Dennis and his guest don't happen to have a
left-handed baseball-playing daughter, there's nothing they can say)

-"How can we decrease the childhood mortality rate?" (Too painful to joke
about)

Some good questions might include, "How do you know if you're being fair when
you discipline your kids?"; "What kind of things have you done that have
embarrassed your kids?"; and "What do you do when your kids are smarter than
you?" All of these could prompt a funny anecdote from Dennis or his guest, and
could also lead to an interesting conversation. Finally... If you've ever
wondered why a particularly incoherent caller made it on the air ... they
probably had a great question when they got screened, and then they got nervous
and flustered on the air, and forgot what they were going to ask. So, if they
tell you we're going to try to get you on the air, WRITE DOWN YOUR QUESTION! If
you get on the air and get nervous, you'll be glad you have it in front of you.

3.4 And the obligatory peppy theme song is?
"Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears. The Rollins Band
supplies the music for The Big Screen... a little ditty called, "Civilized."

3.5 Oh yeah, I remember that song now. Hey, wasn't "Everybody Wants to Rule the
World" used at the end of that really cool movie with the lasers and the giant
Jiffy Pop at the end?
"Real Genius" starring Val Kilmer. And yes it was used right at the start of
the closing credits.

3.6 How might I get tickets?
In season:
A) You can try the CBS Television City box office, (213) 852-2458; or by mail:
Guest Relations,
CBS Television City, 7800 Beverly Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90036 

B) Pick them up at the place they tape: 7800 Beverly Blvd. at the corner of
Beverly and Fairfax in LA in Studio 56 within a week up to the day of the
taping. The door opens at 7:30 and the show tapes at 8:30 PST.

C) And for free reserved tickets to DML, try http://www.tvtix.com
By going to their web site, you can order and print free tickets and a map to
the show instantly. Also, these tickets are not general admission. They are the
highest priority tickets available to the public.

3.7 I heard Dennis Miller Live is now on five nights a week. Why don't I get
this on my HBO channel?
Because you're not paying enough. Reruns air five nights a week on HBO Comedy
part of HBO's multiplex package known as HBO The Works(tm). "Encore"
presentations of DML now air at approximately 8:30 ET.

3.8 Where can I find the show on Canadian TV?
Wow, Canadians use the Internet? Crazy. Newsgrouper Doug tells us "It's not
'live' ... the Friday night show that's live on HBO airs Saturday night, with
"encore" presentations Tuesday and Thursday nights."

3.9 I'd love to work on that show. I'm just as good a writer as they are. Would
they hire me as an intern?

First of all, no you're not. And secondly, no they wouldn't. As little of a
budget as they have, they can't afford to pay to train 2-3 wide eyed innocents
in Teevee every year just for kicks. As for actually writing for the show, the
best advice is to become a really good standup comic. And they do have their
standards. They even turned down Paul Krassner, who's been turning out weird
cynical hippie comedy for over 30 years. As for getting ideas from his fans? :
"I think comedy is kind of a solitary pursuit.  It's all based on your
perspective and it's kinda tough to elicit your perspective from strangers even
if they are your fans, so...no."

3.10 Has the show won any awards?
It's been nominated for Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Comedy or Music
Program every year since 1994, winning the award in 1994, 1995, 1996, and 1998.

They've been nominated in the Outstanding Variety, Comedy or Music Series
category 1995-1999, and won this Emmy in 1996, beating Letterman. DML was
nominated in 1998 for Outstanding Technical Direction, Camera or Video for a
Variety, etc. series, and Dennis was nominated for Outstanding individual
performance in 1999. The writing staff won the Writers Guild of America
statuette for Comedy/Variety/Talk in 1996, 1998, and 1999, and was nominated
again in 2000.

Dennis has also won the 1995 & 1996 Cable ACE Awards for Best Variety Series or
Special.

His "State of the Union Undressed" special earned him the American Comedy Award
for Funniest Male Performer.

3.11 Tell me that Jay Leno didn't appear on the Dennis Miller Live after all
that talk show war business.
Okay I won't but he did. David Rensin, contributing editor to Playboy magazine,
said to Miller during his interview with Miller something to the effect, "So
just because (Leno) screwed up once you're never going to talk to him again?"
Suddenly, Dennis had a moment of "catharsis" where he claims, "the half life on
my anger had worn off," and decided to call Leno and make up. Coincidentally,
Leno appeared two short nights later on the May 5, 1995, installment of Dennis
Miller Live. To return the favor, Miller, for the first time since 1988,
appeared on the Tonight Show May 10, 1995.

*3.12 So what if this HBO show gets whacked?
He says he'll do Dennis Miller Live "until they don't want me. They'll have to
fire me." He'll likely schedule more therapy, vent to his wife before bed, and
that'll be it. "I won't be standing in a public square ranting for 27 minutes a
week. I promise." And they'll probably give his timeslot to Bill Maher.

3.13 Why's the show only a half hour?
From Dennis: "I'd rather have them, at the end of a half hour, hope for more,
than do an hour and have them wish for less."

3.14 Does Dennis have a favorite guest on "Dennis Miller Live"?
"Norm McDonald. He is literally the most unpredictable person I've ever been on
television with."

3.15 How does Dennis deal with a bad guest?
He doesn't invite them on his show. "I like most people.  If I really had a
completely negative feeling about somebody, I wouldn't put them on so I
wouldn't get into a public confrontation with them. It's a comedy show, not a
jury box."

3.16 Any stuff the show hasn't been able to do yet?
"It's hard to say.  I mean, obviously you flee away from human tragedy. There
is enough sort of quasi-significant topics in the universe to pick from without
going near actual human suffering, you know?"

3.17 Can I get an autograph if I'm in the DML audience?
Dennis says: "Yeah, sure, I always bump into people after the show and if you
see me, Yeah, I'd be glad to."


4.0 THE RANT
4.1 What is "the rant?"
"The focus of the rants is things that bother me in my day-to-day life and, you
know, you just write down an idea and sit down... and let it go from there.
Things that irk me."

4.2 How's he make all those Kevin Bacon Game like connections in his routines?
"I can't grasp a lot of things, so I know my brain is not big, but what's in
there makes quick connections. I can bing-bang from things in my head. If
connections. I can bing-bang from things in my head. If I see somebody that
reminds me of someone else, I can quickly remember who--like if I saw them once
on The Wild, Wild West twenty years ago."

4.3 He doesn't believe all that stuff in his rants does he?
"I believe everything I say in the show, but I don't walk around in my everyday
life like some incensed Rasputin. If I did, do you know how alone I'd be in the
world?"

4.4 How much is Dennis and how much is the writing team?
"On an HBO special, I write on 100 percent.  On my show, I work with 6 writers.
 And most of my focus is on the rants.  But we all pitch in and write on
everything."

4.5 So are the "Dennis Miller Live" staff writing for him on "Monday Night
Football"?
Nope, says writer Jacob Weinstein, "That's all coming out of Dennis's head."

4.6 Why aren't other people's impersonations as funny as Genuine Dennis Miller
material?
Says Dennis Miller co-executive producer Eddie Feldmann, "When people try to
write in his voice, it sounds more like a caricature. It's more like Dana
Carvey doing Dennis Miller. "It's not so much writing in his voice, hey just
have to be funny. What I find is people who try to write in his voice end up
more of a caricature. Dennis will be able to take something and make it his
own. Everything that is on the show has his handprints on it." (Cha-Cha.)

4.7 Where can I find all his RANTS on the Internet?
This is quite possibly the most frequent question we get. You can find this
season's in both text and Quicktime format at the official corporate Dennis
Miller website at http://www.hbo.com/dml.

4.8 Why not? Don't Dennis' jokes work well online?
Says Dennis: "They're meant to be spoken, not typed. Besides, I think we make
too much of this chat medium. Whatever happened to face-to-face insincerity?"

4.9 But what about all those older rants. You've gotta have them all collected
in one place right?
BUY THE BOOKS. Or if you're a cheapskate CHECK THEM OUT AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY.
Granted you probably could set up a site of Dennis' rants under the "fair use"
guidelines of copyright law, but Dennis does have the right to make a living
off his own material and his publishers do have the right to ask you to remove
them from your site if they feel like it. They probably won't but hey, don't
say we didn't warn you.

4.10 Yeah, yeah, I understand that, but isn't there some way you could email
some RANTS to me?
No.

*4.11 When's the next Rant book coming out?
Book IV just came out. It makes an excellent Christmas gift, even for atheists.


5.0 THE DENNIS MILLER SHOW
5.1 What kind of bottled water did he drink every night?
Evian, though he switched to a different brand of bottled H20 because he drank
that glorified tap water, until he "realized that e-v-i-a-n, spelled backwards
is 'naive.'" Says Dennis of this particular finding of ours: "Isn't this weird?
This is like the Kennedy conspiracy stuff. Newsgrouper Dick Flynt reports "It's
Fiji now, in the rectangular bottles."

5.2 Who was his sidekick/announcer?
Nick Bakay. Bakay has also appeared on Comedy Central in "Night after Night
with Allan Havey" ABC's short-lived sketch comedy shows "She TV" and "Sports
Monster." His "Tale of the Tape" commentaries can be seen every now and then on
ESPN2's "Sportsnite" program. He also currently is a script editor and writer
for the WB's "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch." Oh, he does the voice of Salem the
talking cat, on both the live action and the animated series.

5.3 Who was his bandleader?
For the first few weeks it was Andy Summers formerly from the Police. Then one
day he mysteriously left. Chris Costello explains... Andy Summers apparently
said that the deal was that he would get the show started, and never planned to
be a permanent fixture. The band started with Summers on guitar, Chad Wackerman
(Allan Holdsworth, Frank Zappa) on drums, Doug Lunn (Ed Mann, Fire Merchants)
on bass, and David Goldblatt (LA Session musician) on keyboards. We can't
recall the guitarist who came in after Summers left. With the exception of
Goldblatt, it was the same group that toured to support "Charming Snakes," Andy
Summers' 1990 release on the Private Music label. When Summers left, Goldblatt
became the bandleader, and the band was dubbed "Goldie and the Wackermen."

5.4 Any of his SNL buddies ever appear as a guest?
Almost all of them. Dana Carvey and David Spade have done brilliant impressions
of Miller right down to the last hair flick. There was a classic bit done on
Weekend Update where Tom Hanks and Dana Carvey joined Miller at the desk as
Miller, and sang a great rendition of "Jingle Bells / Jingle Bells / Jingle All
the Way, babe."

5.5 Didn't SNL have a sketch about him after DML was canceled?
"Cooking with Dennis Miller" (Dana Carvey as Miller and Phil Hartman as Bakay)
was the first sketch to poke fun of a fellow cast member.  Miller has said in
interviews that he thought it was hilarious. And in the 2000 season opener,
Jimmy Fallon started imitating Dana Carvey's version of Miller.

5.6 Does he really hate Shannen Dougherty?
Hey, who doesn't? Shannen appeared on his show and basically fell asleep, so
Dennis got a little Lettermanesque. Tori Spelling appeared a few weeks later
with the Beverly Hills 90210 dolls, which came with a brace that made them
stand up. The brace appeared to ... ummm ... stick up their butt. After seeing
the Shannen doll he commented something to the effect of "They are sooo very
true to life."

5.7 The set on The Dennis Miller Show was cool. Who designed it?
Akira Yoshimura. The same guy who does the SNL sets and appeared as Mr. Sulu on
every SNL sketch about Star Trek. According to a fellow Miller fan, KTLA's own
Steven Parker, the furniture from the set looted immediately and is now part of
LA's #1 rated KTLA morning news.

5.8 Anyone notable emerge from the Dennis Miller Show?
Norm McDonald, another former Weekend Update anchor, wrote for the show. Henry
Rollins made his network television appearance on The Dennis Miller Show. Now
Rollins contributes to Dennis Miller Live supplying "Civilized" as the musical
interlude to The Big Screen. Rollins is an eminent figure on the waaaay
alternative music scene and in print. Janeane Garofalo also made her big debut
on DMS. Of course there's also John "The Ledge Guy" Riggi, and the late, great
Jinky the Fruit Bat.

5.9 How did he get whacked?
The Tribune bigwigs called him into an office on the Friday before the last
week of shows. Miller claims that he knew he was in for it... "Tribune was off
that show in the first 10 seconds." When they told him he was done ... they
also said that he had to finish the next week or they would get him for breach
of contract. He says he felt a great sense of relief because the day in day out
nature of late night was starting to consume him, and he felt he has neglecting
his wife and family.

5.10 Wow, that must have sucked. What happened after the cancellation?
He went on Arsenio the night after his last show and did the monologue. Miller
claims Hall was a gentleman during the 'booking wars' while Helen Kushnick and
Jay Leno were blackmailing guests (informing them that if they appeared on
other talk shows they would be banned from The Tonight Show) By the way, Leno
claims Miller whined after the cancellation of his show when in fact Miller
admits that he merely stated that, yes, the 'booking wars' occur and that was a
minor factor in his cancellation. Even his manager wouldn't return his calls.
"No one wanted any stink juice on them. He grew a beard, and went back to the
standup circuit. Then, "HBO rescued me off the scrap heap."

5.11 So HBO Prez Michael Fuchs is God?
Damn close.

5.12 Is there anyone living who pronounces the name "Fuchs" improperly?
No, but he doesn't have those people killed, they're just transferred to
Cinemax.

5.13 What the hell was "Jinky the Fruit Bat"?
Jinky was the brainchild of Kevin Rooney, who was the head writer on the show.
Kevin had a bit for a long time, when he was doing standup, called "Jinky's
Monkey Hutch." There's no actual joke there, but some of Kevin's humor recall's
Norm McDonald's; it's only funny if you think of him saying it. "I'm going down
to Jinky's Monkey Hutch. They have all these monkeys, swingin' around." It was
hilarious. He didn't do the bit often because no one really thought it was that
funny, particularly if they weren't familiar with him. Many of us used to go to
his shows and yell for Jinky, which he would then proceed to do, much to the
bewilderment of everyone else. Why Kevin changed Jinky into a fruit bat,
though, is beyond me."

5.14 So, Norm McDonald's obsession with the word "cock," whenever he's on
"Dennis Miller Live"?
As we said, the very idea of Norm saying the word is usually funnier than him
actually saying it. But it's cable. If it was just network television he's be
saying, "crack whore" and/or "dirty, dirty whore." But hey, if you're paying a
few extra rubles for premium cable you expect the raw language of the street.
And trust me you'd rather see Norm on "Dennis Miller Live" than "The Red Show
Diaries."


6.0 DENNIS-NL
6.1 Did he do anything else, but "do the news" on SNL?"
He rarely appeared in sketches, as he "seems to be missing the impression
gene." However, he was part of arguably the most controversial sketch ever on
SNL with Kevin Nealon, Matthew Broderick, and Dana Carvey. "The Penis Sketch"
written by Conan O'Brien, and officially known as 'Nude Beach.' In this sketch
the word 'penis' used 43 times. The next day NBC was flooded with complaints.
During the cable broadcast, "The Comedy Mind of Alan King" Miller commented
that he doesn't do anything in regard to appearances without creating a script
of everything he intends to say and then practicing it in front of a mirror
before the appearance. He's not comfortable doing appearances unless he's
prepared. And if you had any talent, you probably wouldn't either. 

6.2 What were some of his catch phrases on Weekend Update?
Good evening and what can I tell you?
That's the news ... and I ... am ... outta here!!!!

6.3 What was the scariest "Dennis Miller Moment" on SNL?
The time in 1986 when Garry Shandling hosted and Miller appeared as a waiter in
a restaurant and at the end of the program when they all wave buh-bye his hair
was slicked back and pulled into a ponytail... It can best be described as "Pat
Riley fights Steven Seagal." Says Dennis of this answer: "That's funny. It's
this undiluted stuff I love (about the 'net)."

6.4 How's he feel about SNL now that he ain't there anymore?
"Parts of it were bullshit. Sometimes we were elitist and I was an elitist at
the beginning. If people didn't get stuff, we had an 'it's just over their
heads' mentality. But that's crap. You're either funny or you're not."

6.5 Who does a better Dennis Miller impression over at SNL: Dana Carvey or the
new kid on the block at Jimmy Fallon?
Says Miller himself: "Dana Carvey, by far."


7.0 OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED DENNY - YOU BASTARDS!

7.1 What's the deal with these movie roles Dennis gets?
"In every film I've done, I'm not a character; it's just Dennis Miller in a
film. If you need a smart-ass guy, you call me. If you need someone to play a
sensitive French artist whose parents left him when he was two, forget it. I'm
screwed...I don't think of my characters as defined by my occupation. I think
of myself in movies as the exposition eunuch -- the sardonic relief. They bring
me in a third of the way into the movie when people are starting to lose the
various threads. I ask the leading lady to fuck me. She says no. I sit at the
edge of her bed, and she does a Barnaby Jones unwind to my Lee Meriwether....
Then I go get killed." "It's my reticence to do (acting work) that makes me
think I'm not good at it. I don't really enjoy it.  I don't find it all that
rewarding.  I think part of being a good actor is wanting to act.  And I don't.
Nobody's interested in me doing movies full time."

7.2 But these movies haven't been that bad have they?
People Magazine critic Leah Rozen says although Denny was the best part of
"Bordello of Blood," "the film ought to be double-billed with Showgirls."

7.3 Dennis gets killed in every film?
Well, not all of them...

Madhouse -- wacky best friend of main character -- survives, though having to
live near John
Larroquette and Kirstie Alley, just wishes he was dead.

The Net -- shrink/"a guy Sandra Bullock won't fuck" -- gets taste of his own
medicine, so to speak.
He has an allergic reaction to penicillin while driving, but he dies later in
the hospital, is given the wrong I.V., croaks.

Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood -- wacky offbeat private eye --
survives, but probably dies from vampire bites a couple scenes after the film
ends.

Disclosure - pissed off coworker -- survives.

Never Talk to Strangers -- annoying upstairs neighbor -- Beaten with the lead
pipe in the Alleyway by Miss Scarlett... er... Rebecca DeMorney survives but
probably dies a couple scenes after the film ends.

Murder at 1600 -- wacky best friend of main character -- shot in underground
sewer catacombs under the White House.

Joe Dirt -- Shock jock (Says Dennis: "It only took me one day.  I wish him well
with it.  I don't know much about the movie"), lives as happily ever after as a
shock jock can.


7.4 I heard they let him rewrite his own dialogue. Nobody's that stupid are
they?
This is Hollywood. His role in Disclosure was not only written especially for
him, "They really let me rewrite my lines, and I think it came together pretty
well."

7.5 I also heard he worked as a script doctor on that last really crappy Batman
flick. True? 
Well, People Magazine (white trash magazine of choice) says he received
$300,000 for "punching up" the script of "Batman and Robin." "Dennis was
laughing his ass off at the money he was getting." Batman director Joel
Schumacher says Miller, a pal and Batman fanatic, just "gave me two jokes after
I gave him an old Batman relic. We're not even sure if we're going to use
them." 

7.6 Know what those two jokes are?
No clue. Finding this out would probably require actually watching that bomb.
But I gotta tell you that at $150,000 each, they'd have to be the funniest damn
jokes ever written.

7.7 Some of the filmographies of Dennis include a couple of Australian
TV-movies. Dennis did the Outback?
Nope. Good lord, there's no way there could be two guys in the business named
Dennis Miller is there? Hey, one of them's funny, the other's Australian. The
other guy goes by "Denny." Oh, and he once played Tarzan. Dennis may
occasionally dine at an Outback restaurant, but not if he can get invited
somewhere better. (If Outback wants to advertise with me or sponsor the FAQ,
we'll treat them better.)

[Concluded in part Truno]

Some parts © 2009 Advameg, Inc.