Anti-lmperialtim in Panama
DATE:7
VICTORY THROUGH AUTO REGISTRATION
Joel Ross
"The Panamanian people, with their patriotic government as the vanguard, have been valiantly struggling against US imperalist economic and political aggression andhis statement typifies the rancid rhetoric that Panamanians hear from the men who wield or symbolize the power in their country, primarily General Manuel Noriega, chief of the Panama Defense Forcesnd Manuel Soils Palma, the head ofay "head ofecause, while the Panamanian Government refers to "President" Solis Palma, the US Government recognizes him as "Minister in Charge of the Presidency."
A Devious Plan
The Panamanian Government has stressed the importance of defeating "US imperalism" and its Panamaniant says these "bad Panamanians" are from the upper class and have "Caucasian tendencies" That is the government's way of implying to the majority of the population that the rich whites are out to exploit everyone else. It does not help matters when Soils Palma publicly proclaims. "We are all chombos (derogatory slang forhen dealing wilh thehite-asses")"
Among other things, the government claims that the rich Panamanian "exploiters" and the "imperialists" are the only ones who can afford cars.esult, it hasystem of new-automobile registration rules to force Us enemies to capitulate by extorting large financial sums from them to help balance the national debt and by occupying so much of their daily schedules that they will not have any time left to conspire against national interests.
Open Warfare
Before the implementation of this system,ad to do to register my car was to have it inspected at the PDF Inspection Station and then pick up the license plate at another location. Nowarget of the government, however, registration has taken on the aspects of an international conflict.
ad toechanical inspection from an "authorizedne of aboutarages owned by or linked with the PDF-government authorities. If the vehicleechanical Certification (MechCert) is issued. If youS citizen or look like someone who would support the opposition, your vehicle will not pass. In fact, your vehicle willheel alignment (Translation: "Because you do not support Noriega, you will pay somether vehicle "faults" may be discovered; this depends on how busy tlte garage is and how wealthy or lucky you are.
howed up at an authorized garage with my Ford station wagon and my wallet stuffed with green souvenir portraits of USad to drive my carellow line and shine the headlightsarge hoard leaningall. The two headlight beamsnches lo the left of two small Xs drawn on the board. "Your headlights needhe attendant told me. To save him theacked my car up and then drove back to the yellow line, moving the wheelsnches lo the rightid so. Bulls-eye! The beams and
SESRET
X* matched.xclaimed. The attendant walked over to the board ami did itnches to the right "Headlighte repeated.
The attendantuick glance under the car and announced, "What bad luck, it look* like youheel alignment."
1 asked,ust give you the money for it. and we can pretend you did the work?"
The attendant pointed to some mechanical contraption, shook hi* head, and grinned at meertain way that said, "Because you do not support Noriega, you will not only pay money, you will also spend most ol your day here."
asted most of my money and my day thereas blessed with the MechCert
ook the MechCertranch of the government-owned Banco National,ad to0eceipt of Payment [RecPayJ Each teller uses whatever delaying tactics are necessary to comply with the master plan of bureaucraticurprise attack, however, by sendingeai-oW son. who speaks Utile Spanish, to present the MechCert and fee to the cashier The cashier, face to face with my secret weapon, had no choice but to surrender the HecPay to my son. who successfully demanded Mime ice cream as the price for his participation
More Obstacles
I then took tlie MechCert and the RecPay to the PDF Inspection Station, where PDK officials had to verify the documents and the car before issuing the Inspection Decal [IiupecDccl
There is only one Inspection station to handleillion cars, all of which happened to show upid. The cars, five lines deep and stretching tlie length of an airportinspection station actually was an airport in thein the tropical sun and took many hours to reach the first checkpoint,aw drivers bolting from iheir cars and rushingow of windows.id the same. After another longeached the keeper of Windowanded overounds of paperwork; In addition to the MechCert andad been warned to offer for sacrifice my driver's license, car insurance certificate, and proof of vehicle ownership. On my ownlso brought along my birth certificate, proof of yellow fever vaccinations,opy of my college transcript
When the windowkeeper deckled my papers were in order,se that term loosely, she handed the InspecDecorker who asked me to show him my car. When we arrived at the Ford, the man prepared to apply the decal to the window, but he kept wiping his brow with his sleeve and saying things like, 'Man,ecause the heat had addled my brain, it took me longer than usual to get the not-so-subtleaveollar toold drink, even though the nearest cold drink must have been miles away.
1 was then eligible to receive my Municipal Tax Clearance Certificate (MTCCJ. whichloicenseentell-named place called Diablo Heights,ine, handed over my growing pile of papers, waited some more, paidorm, waited some more, and then received the MTCG Through aby the government, the license plate office was located in llie tame buildingMTCC office, thus eliminating an extra tripaited in another lino, handed overbriefcase, waited some more, paidee.orm, waited again,received the license
I thenehicle Registration Card [VllCl which required returning to the PDF Inspection Station with my file cabinet of documentseturned to tlie runway, and. in the word* nf Yogi Berra. "It was like deia vu all over again."
Th* good news wasinally had my ear fully documented. The bad news ii thai it tookong that It Is almost lime to go through the process again for tbe following year.
"Pineapple Face" Prevails
Meanwhile, ihe crisis in Panama continues Noriega, who is not above ordering forced confessions or lorced wheel alignments, still has thr upper hand, primarily because lie garners support by distributing free beer and days oU from work The opposition retaliates in part wilh insulting hand gestures and severe sarcasm. It also resorts to name-calling For example, acne-scarred Noriega is "Pineappleoils Palma is "Soilsnd Noriega's favorite patriotic slogan, "Not one steps converted into "No more frogs!"
Noriega has responded by offering quasi-supporters two priceless objects, an inspection decal with matching license plate
Original document.
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